I'll Cover You
by Effulgent13
Summary: Roger Davis has finally moved on from losing Mimi but does that mean he can handle the mysterious girl who shows up on his doorstep? Will he accept the baggage she comes with and will he be willing to accept the challenges she brings him? What exactly is her relationship to Mark and just what is Mark hiding?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Rent fiction. Please let me know how you like it, if it goes over well, I may write some more ;)**

**I'll Cover You**

**Chapter 1**

Roger Davis sat on the back of his couch, his bare feet on the seat cushions, guitar in hand, strumming and waiting for the chords of his song to come when he heard the sound of the metal door. Putting his guitar down, he leant his head to the side and waited for the sound to repeat. At the second knock, he stood up and made his way across the factory-turned-apartment stopping to pull on the metal door handle and sliding it to the side. On the other side of the door there stood a small woman with long black riotous curls covering her face looking down at her feet. She was tiny in a brown rain jacket which she held clutched across her front in an attempt to cover up. Roger cleared his throat to make himself known and when she looked up at him, her eyes widened as she came face to face with his bare chest, then, just as quickly, she looked back down at her feet.

"I'm looking for Mark Cohen." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear not once looking up at him. "Umm, maybe I have the wrong apartment?"

"No. No, this is Mark's apartment. I'm his roommate Roger. He's not here though."

The woman looked up again this time allowing Roger to take in her appearance. Her face was pale and she had dark circles under her large blue eyes. Were they blue? Their color was something he'd never seen before, almost aquamarine. She blinked making her long dark eyelashes flutter as she furrowed her black eyebrows. She looked from one side of the hallway to the other then back at Roger. Her face was full of desperation and her voice had a slight tremor as she spoke.

"Umm, I guess I can catch him another time. I'll just-"

Roger noticed the way her body shivered and how her plump lips were dry and peeling from what he could only guess was dehydration. He thought these things odd, especially because it wasn't horribly cold out. The beginnings of spring were starting to show and it couldn't have been colder than seventy two degrees out. He looked at her torn up and stained jeans, saw the tattered Converse sneakers on her feet and took pity on the poor thing. Her appearance combined with the fact that she looked painfully familiar made it so he couldn't find it in him to turn her away.

"You can come in and wait if you'd like. He should be back in about an hour."

Her lips stretched out into a hint of a smile as she tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear.

"Thank you that would be nice." Her voice was rough as if she hadn't used it in a long time making Roger wonder what her story was.

She followed him into the apartment, standing behind him as he slid the heavy metal door shut, and then following him back to the couch.

"Have a seat," he offered, signaling to the couch with a nod of his head.

She silently took a seat, letting out an inadvertent sigh, making him wonder about her once more. How long had it been since she'd been able to sit down comfortably? He remained standing in front of the couch while she rested her elbow on the armrest using her hand as a head rest.

Finally, after what seemed like minutes of silence she looked up at him and said, "My name's Tess. Mark's an old friend."

Roger nodded, noticing how her eyes lingered on his chest, looking down at himself his eyes widened as he realized that he was not wearing a shirt. He felt his cheeks burn feeling embarrassed at the situation. He had just come out of the shower when she'd knocked on the door and had only sat down to tune his guitar before getting fully dressed. Fully aware of how uncomfortable the situation was, he excused himself to go in his room and put one on. When he came back he saw that she had curled up into a ball on the couch. She'd fallen asleep clutching her raincoat for warmth, her mass of hair covering her face. Taking pity on her, he went back into his bedroom, grabbed a blanket and put if over her shivering frame. He then sat on the other side of the couch and waited for Mark's return.

An hour later, he was startled from his sleep by the sound of the door sliding open. Glancing over at Tess, he saw that she had not been disturbed in the slightest and continued to sleep soundlessly next to him.

"Hey Rog, what are you still doing here? Weren't you going to catch a meeting to-"Taking notice of the figure sleeping on the couch, Mark pointed at her and shot Roger a quizzical look.

Roger shrugged his shoulders. "She came here looking for you."

"Me?" Mark put the camera he had been holding down on the table and made his way around to the other side of the couch leaning over to get a closer look at the girl. Recognition didn't dawn.

"Said she's an old friend. Name's Tess?"

Mark's body shot up from where he'd been leaning over the girl. He stood stiffly looking at Roger his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

"Oh my God." He'd hoped to have enough time to tell Roger about her before she showed up.

"What? Mark, is this some girl you fucked come to stalk you?"

It was a joke. This was something more likely to happen to Roger. Mark would never treat a woman so cruelly. He was shy when it came to the opposite sex. His lack of flirting skills might have had something to do with the fact that he found the video camera he always carried around far more interesting than any woman.

"What? Roger look at her, she can't be more than 16. Why would I do something like that?" Mark yelled, his words cutting into Roger's inner musings.

"Calm down. It was just a joke. Seriously though how do you know her?" Roger continued while looking at the girl.

"She- she's homeless. I think she lives in Tent City. Anyway I always see her on my way to work or when I'm out filming- there's something about her. Something makes me want to- to help her, you know? So I usually get her a burger or give her some change. Last week I noticed she had a black eye and was limping so I gave her my address and told her if she ever wanted to get help she could find me umm- you know -here." Mark was wringing his hands, looking back and forth between the girl on the couch and Roger.

"Mark-"Roger knew that his friend had a tendency to want to take care of everyone, but he had to know that inviting a homeless girl, no matter how sickly and helpless she looked, wasn't a good idea. Could her familiar look have had anything to do with his generosity? Did he see it too?

"I didn't think she'd actually show up! I was trying to do something that Angel would have done. The way she helped Collins out that time he was beat up-"

"That was different." Roger knew it had been right for Angel to have rescued Collins. But this thing Mark was doing with the girl on the couch, it felt completely wrong. Not to mention that the girl's presence was rubbing salt in both their wounds.

"It just seemed like the right thing to do."

Roger stood up, walked over to his friend and slapped him on the back not missing the sadness in his eyes. The loss of Angel had hit them hard. They'd lost too many people in the last year. He knew enough to realize that this was not the time to have an argument. He would have to wait until later to get Mark to see reason.

"How is she still sleeping?" Roger wondered.

"Do you know how long it's been since she had something soft to sleep on? Poor girl's had it rough."

Roger took another look at her. She was dead to the world.

"What do we do now?" They couldn't just let her stay. He was just starting to get his act together a year after his girlfriend's death and throwing someone new into the loop would just make him lose the sense of control he'd just gained over his life. He peered closer at the sleeping girl. The similarities were uncanny.

Mark shrugged. "Let her sleep."

Roger nodded, resigned to the fact that this situation couldn't be solved as quickly as he'd hoped, and sat at the kitchen table while Mark rummaged through the cabinets for something to eat.

"Nothing."

"Yeah, well, when's the last time we grocery shopped?"

Mark turned and frowned at Roger. "Real funny dumbass, it was your turn to do the shopping this month."

Roger gave him his most innocent smile catching the empty bottle of ketchup Mark grabbed from the cabinet and threw at him.

For the next two hours the two friends tried to go about their business. Roger tried to play his guitar but found it difficult to concentrate knowing there was a stranger lying on his couch. Every few minutes he stopped playing and looked over to her. The more glances he shot at her, the more he saw how sick she looked and felt guilty for wanting her gone from the apartment. While Roger was trying to deal with his guilt, Mark sat at the table editing his day's filming seemingly without a worry in the world.

"Do you think she's okay?"

Mark looked over at the girl and waited to see if she was still breathing.

"Yes. Her stomach is moving."

"Well, we may as well let her stay the night. It's dark out and she looks really sick."

"Yeah, I think we should." Mark agreed.

"Should we move her? She can't be comfortable there." Roger looked at the way she was curled up into a tight ball and couldn't imagine ever being able to sleep that way.

"Yeah. She probably hasn't slept in a bed in forever. We can take her to my room. I can sleep on the couch."

"You sure?"

"Rog, you sleep the day away. I'm usually the first one up. It's best if I take the couch then I won't wake you up when I'm banging around in the morning."

Roger nodded then walked over to the couch. He lifted the girl in one swift motion. She was lighter than a feather. She let out a moan but didn't wake up. Mark followed Roger into his bedroom and watched as his roommate tucked her under the blankets. When Roger finally looked up he saw Mark looking at him with a lifted brow.

"Shut up. She was cold when she got here."

"Uh huh."

Mark decided to keep quiet and followed Roger out of his room and into the living room.

* * *

Tess awoke in a dark room. Struggling to remember where she was, she realized she was in a bedroom. They must have moved her while she was asleep. Thank God for Mark and his generosity. Suddenly feeling incredibly thirsty, she made her way out of the room and into the dark kitchen. She felt dizzy on her feet and was glad that the outside traffic lights gave the kitchen a bit of illumination so she could see where she was going. She made her way over to the sink and jumped when she heard the sound of another door. Turning around she held her hands up in surrender.

"I was just getting a drink of water."

Roger took in how scared she looked and wondered what things she'd gone through to make her so jumpy. "It's okay," he told her, "I came out for a drink too."

"I'm sorry, it's just-"Dizziness took over, making her lose her balance. Slumping down to her knees, she hit her head on the corner of the metal table on her way down.

"Are you okay?" Roger rushed over kneeling down in front of her he took her head in his hands to look her over. When she looked up to meet his eyes he saw that she was bleeding. She had cut the side of her forehead. "Here, you're bleeding." He lifted his hand to push her hair away from the cut but she pushed his hand away.

"No! Don't!" She managed to look sheepish; almost embarrassed at the look of shock he gave her. "I have HIV," she whispered, "You don't want to get my blood on you."

Roger nodded his understanding then stood up extending his hand to help her up as well. "Let's go get that cleaned up"

She nodded and began walking toward the bathroom but found herself having to place her hand on the table for balance. Roger put his arm around her waist and walked her to the bathroom.

"Sit down, I'll get the first aid stuff." He sat her down on the toilet seat then went into the medicine cabinet for alcohol, cotton swabs and Band-Aids. He poured alcohol on the cotton and went to dab it on her cut but she placed her hand on his wrist and gave him a warning look.

"I can do it myself."

"Can't contract a disease you already have." He pulled his hand out of her grasp and began dabbing the cold liquid on her injury.

She stared at him incredulously as he went to work, her eyes wide with surprise. She took the opportunity to look at him closely. He was sexy. She could see that even through the haze her brain seemed to have her in. His hair hung in layers, the longest stopping just above his shoulders. It was brown and wavy and combined with the black tank top he wore, the whole look screamed out 'rock star'. He was very intense, she could see from the way he looked at her as he worked on cleaning up her cut. His eyes were light blue and his face was stubbly. He smelled like tobacco which she found to be very enticing. She watched as her hand extended out to caress his face and feel his stubble. She was in such a daze from her fall and her dizzy spell that she really didn't have the strength or desire to pull it back.

Amused by her strange behavior, he smirked and took her hand in his gently guiding it back to her lap.

"You're sweating." He noticed that she had stopped shivering and saw that there was sweat gathered on her forehead.

"It's hot." She winced each time the cotton made contact with her skin.

"You lost your balance out there. Twice." He gave her a pointed look.

"I haven't eaten much in the last few days." She took the cotton away from his hand and threw it in the trash bin next to the toilet.

"Withdrawal's a bitch."

Tess froze unable to do anything but stare into his pale blue eyes. Roger took her hand in his and tilted his head to the side.

"I've been through it. Twice."

Tears began falling from Tess' eyes but she remained strangely calm as she continued to look at him.

"It's okay." Roger wrapped his arms around her and she allowed herself to be held while wiping away at her tears.

Once she was sure the tears had stopped coming, she pulled away from him.

Seeing that she had recovered he went on trying to distract her from the pain of the alcohol by making conversation. "How old are you, Tess? You don't look much older than sixteen."

"Eighteen," she answered. "Just had a birthday last week."

Roger let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. She was a baby, just like he'd been when he got into it. He'd been so innocent and bright eyed coming to the big city to make it as a rock star, meeting Mark at the local bar he'd gotten a job bartending in, and finding an apartment with Benny and Collins. It had all seemed so new and exciting, the possibilities seemed endless. Those possibilities had quickly dissolved into a heroin induced haze right along with his dreams of stardom.

"What was it?"

"Heroin." She looked down at her hands not feeling brave enough to look this man in the face. "I haven't used in a few weeks. I think it's getting better. The fever and the shivering, the cravings, they only come every now and then."

Roger nodded. He remembered.

"You came for Mark's help?" He was asking her why.

Tess nodded her head, her hair falling on her face once again. "He's so kind to me. He offered to help once, I didn't know if he meant it but, I had to get out. I can't live that life anymore."

"Mark's the best." Roger couldn't help pushing her hair behind her ears, enjoying the way she smiled her thanks to him. "Come on. Let's get you back to bed."

Tess nodded and stood up following him into the large open space that was both kitchen and living room. Roger looked behind him and saw that she was still weak in the knees. He walked over to her and put his arm around her waist giving her better balance.

"Thank-you," she whispered.

Roger nodded. She was beginning to think that this was his preferred way of communicating. He walked her over to her door and placed his hand on her forehead feeling how warm she still was.

"You gonna be okay?"

This time it was her turn to nod. "There's a fan in the room. I'll blast it and I should be fine."

"Okay." Roger gave her a small smile. "If you need anything, I'm in the next room or you know, Mark's on the couch but as you can see, he sleeps like the dead."

Tess let out a small laugh at that.

"Good night Roger."

"Good night."

Tess turned and made her way back into bed while Roger walked over to his room. He was unable to get back to sleep; the dark haired girl and her large aquamarine eyes remained at the front of his mind for the rest of the night.

* * *

The next morning found Roger sitting across from Tess at the metal table both of them sipping on coffee listening to the rain outside.

"Where's Mark?" she asked.

Roger shrugged. "Out." Then, "You look better today."

She smiled. "Thanks, I feel better."

She had discarded her rain coat and now sat in a spaghetti-strap leopard-print multi-colored tank top. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a sloppy pony tail with a few strands finding their way onto her face. He enjoyed the way she continually fought to keep them tucked behind her ears.

"What are you smiling at?" She had a feeling it was her and gave him a glare.

"You. Quit fighting with your hair. It looks fine."

"It's annoying." She made her point by showing him how the curls sprang from their place behind her ears and covered her face again.

This time when he started laughing she couldn't help but laugh along with him. It did seem ridiculous to worry so much about her hair in light of the things they'd spoken about the night before. Stressing about her hair beat the alternative though. She didn't like to think of all of the things wrong with her life and sometimes it was easier to let herself be distracted by other things.

"What's so funny?" Mark came in from outside shaking his body in an attempt to get dry from the outside rain.

"Nothing." Roger's smile suddenly disappeared as he looked over at his roommate. He had a feeling Mark would be uncomfortable with the way he was so at ease with their houseguest.

"My hair," Tess answered and burst into another fit of giggles making Roger look at her, smiling widely.

"Nice to see you two getting along." Mark placed his camera on the counter giving Roger a pointed look.

Roger ignored him. He wasn't in the mood for one of Mark's speeches. He knew what Mark was thinking, Tess seemed a lot like his recently deceased girlfriend and of course he would think that he was just flirting with her as a way to replace the woman he'd lost. As if he could ever replace a woman he had loved so much. Did Mark really think he was so cold and callous?

Tess stood up from her chair and walked over to Mark.

"Thank you so much for taking me in last night." She gave him a hug bringing a blush to Mark's cheeks. "I was in a bad place."

"It's no biggie?" He pulled away from her embrace to get a better look at her. "And today?"

"Better." She gave him a firm nod.

Mark looked her up and down taking in her ragged jeans and sneakers, her too thin arms and the way her clavicles jutted out.

"You're too thin Tess. Are you—" Mark looked over at Roger then back to her. "are you taking your medicine?"

He remembered that she had told him about her HIV one of the times he had tried to help her clean up a cut on her knee. He was hesitant to say AZT, unsure if she was prepared to let Roger know about her HIV.

"It's okay Mark, Roger knows." At Mark's incredulous look she explained, "I had a bit of an accident last night and Roger rescued me." She brought her hand up to the Band-Aid on her forehead showing him exactly what kind of accident had prompted her to reveal her information to a complete stranger.

Suddenly she remembered what she'd come into the kitchen for.

"Mark, I don't plan on living here for free. I don't even plan on living here for long…." Mark gave her a wide eyed look which she mistook for shock "I mean, I don't even plan on living here _at all._ Just until it stops raining. That is, if you don't mind of course." She felt a bit of panic at his continued stare and thought maybe he had only meant for her to have stayed the one night. "I'm going to get a job, I'll chip in or get my own place. Mark?"

Noticing how frightened she looked, Mark realized that she was taking his reaction the wrong way. He took her hand in his and reassured her. "It's okay Tess. You need to take some time to take care of yourself. Stay as long as you have to and get a job only when you're ready."

"Absolutely not-" Tess felt a sharp pain in her stomach making her double over.

"Tess!" Roger shot up from the table and took the girl from Mark's arm, eliciting a look of shock from his roommate.

She allowed herself to lean into his strong arms then slowly brought herself up to a standing position wincing in pain as she did.

"Fine. I'm fine." For all of her bravado he noticed that she didn't move away from him as she reassured the men.

"Maybe we should take you to the clinic," Mark offered.

Tess shook her head vehemently. "No. I'll just lie down. I'll be fine."

Mark looked at her incredulously. "Are you sure?"

She nodded, looked at Roger and asked, "Could you help me to the couch?"

"Have her lie on my bed." Mark took Tess' arm and together, he and Roger waked her to his bed.

Once on the bed Tess seemed to relax.

"How do you feel? What's going on?" Roger placed his hand on her forehead making sure she wasn't running a fever.

"I'm crampy." Tess touched her lower stomach in explanation, not once removing her eyes from Roger's.

"Is it…." Mark cleared his throat. "you know, your period?"

Tess smiled at the way the tips of his ears turned red. "No. Not that kind of cramp."

"Tess, how long's it been since you ate?" Roger looked between her and Mark.

Tess tried to think back to the last time she'd enjoyed something warm in her stomach.

"I think I had some crackers for lunch yesterday."

Roger nodded then looked at Mark.

"What about water?" This time it was Mark who asked the question.

She shrugged.

"A few days?" She could only guess.

"You're dehydrated," Roger told her. "Mark, can you get her a glass of water?"

Mark nodded and went out to get it.

Roger took her hand in his. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Again she shrugged. "I don't get hungry anymore." That was a lie and he knew it.

"Tess, I don't need to tell you that you have to be extra careful."

She pulled her hand away from his her face turning serious. "It's not like I have a choice Roger. I'm homeless."

Taking in her anger he said, "No, I know that. It's just, you could have said something last night."

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm not used to asking for help. I wasn't at my best yesterday."

Roger nodded. "I know. Just, eat okay, and drink lots of water."

She agreed just as Mark came in with a glass of water. Tess accepted it with a smile.

"Thank-you."

Roger looked down at her and said, "Get some rest."

Once out of the bedroom Mark turned to Roger and asked, "What are you doing?"

Perplexed by the question Roger could do nothing but stare. Finally the words came to him after several seconds of shock. "I don't know what you mean?"

Mark pointed at his bedroom door. "She's barely just turned eighteen."

Roger rolled his eyes. "Come on, Mark. I'm trying to be a friend."

"I hope that's it, Rog, for both of your sakes. You don't need more complications in your life and neither does she."

"Come on Mark, quit trying to be my dad. I'll be good around the girl okay? I don't want to fuck her life up like I have mine."

"That's not what I meant Roger and you know it."

"Whatever. I'm going out for a bit. See you later.

Roger turned around and walked out the door. Mark let out a huge sigh and sat down on the couch. He'd guessed Roger would be upset at him, but he had to make him understand that getting involved with Tess right now would only make things harder. He wasn't ready for a relationship yet, especially with someone so similar to his last girlfriend, Mimi. Tess was the same age Mimi had been and seemed to be struggling with the same issues. Getting involved with her would only blur the line between the two girls for Roger and he could end up backtracking through the mourning process. Mark knew exactly what would happen, his roommate would end up inadvertently hurting Tess and the poor girl didn't need any more heartbreak in her life.

Despite Mark's comments, Roger couldn't help but want to hang out with Tess as much as he could. In the next few weeks he found that she was funny and quirky and he could see her health improving. The dark circles under her eyes disappeared and her lips were now gorgeously plump and red with no dryness whatsoever. Her skin regained its caramel color making her eyes stand out all the more. She was truly beautiful and he would always catch himself staring at her when she wasn't looking.

Mark seemed to also notice the bond that was slowly forming between the two. He was worried. Knowing that Tess was an addict and had only just recently quit made him afraid that she'd tempt Roger back into old habits. He'd only just recently began moving on from the loss of his girlfriend to AIDS and he knew how easy it would be for him to go back to his old ways. He was also worried about Tess. The two were closer than he'd let on. They'd had conversations since the first time they had met and Mark had made it a point to visit her and take care of her as best he could in the last month. He didn't know why he'd kept that information from his roommate but for some reason, Tess hadn't revealed how well they knew each other either. He loved Roger but knew that he wasn't the best person to be friends with. Roger was a mess. He ran from his problems and was out the door as soon as a complication arose. He didn't want Tess to deal with that. She deserved someone better.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks so much for your reviews on the first chapter! This chapter in not beta'd. I apologize in advance for any errors. I'd be happy to make any corrections if you call me out on them ****. I hope you like this update. I'm happy to hear any thoughts and ideas. Reviews make my muse happy and when she's happy she writes a LOT. **

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Her withdrawal seemed to be over and done with, except for the one night where Roger worried that Mark had been right about their developing friendship. He came home to find her sitting on the couch. He could only see her from behind but could tell that she was staring at something on the coffee table, her leg bouncing up and down.

"Tess, you okay?"

"Uh huh." She didn't even turn her head to look at him.

Roger became concerned. She usually lit up when he walked in the door. Her behavior was odd.

"Where's Mark?"

"Out."

He walked closer to the couch and had to stop when he saw what she'd laid out on the table. There was a small baggie full of white powder, and a syringe lying next to it.

"Tess-"

She turned to look at him, her eyes filled with unshed tears. "I got a job."

Roger looked at her and ran his hand through his hair.

"So I thought I'd celebrate," she continued.

Roger shook his head. He didn't want to hear this. He was done with this kind of celebrating and wanted nothing to do with it.

"Then I freaked out because I've never had a job before. What if I fuck up?"

"Tess-"It seemed that her name was the only thing that would come out of his mouth. This situation was difficult for him; it was something out of his nightmares except in his nightmare it was always his ex-girlfriend who offered him the drugs.

Her tears were running freely now. "So I took a walk and ended up in the old neighborhood buying that." She pointed at the coffee table then looked back at him.

"Help," she whispered the word making him run both hands through his hair, he knew how difficult it had been for her to ask.

Roger sat down next to her. He took her arms and stretched them out in front of him, her eyes remained on her lap as he inspected them. Roger let out a breath when he didn't see any fresh punctures. She finally looked at him, and what she saw made her heart clench achingly. His eyes were filled with hurt and betrayal. She hadn't seen him look so vulnerable; he'd always had a cool control over himself. She had put that look on his face and that made her feel like she'd just lost a limb.

"I'm an addict too." He stared at the white powder.

"I remember." She hadn't forgotten their conversation on her first night there.

Roger found the strength to take the powder and syringe in hand, and stood up to walk the items over to the trash when Mark walked in.

"What's going on?" His eyes were huge as he stared at Roger.

"It's not what you think-" Roger had a look of desperation in his eyes.

Tess stood up to defend her friend. "It's not his fault. I brought it here."

Roger knew Mark didn't believe her. He never took his word; he'd given him enough reason while going through his own withdrawals not to. Mark's eyes darted back and forth from him to her.

"Give it to me." He extended his hand out to Roger who placed the baggie in it.

Then he watched as his best friend walked over to the bathroom, and flushed the powder down.

"I'm sorry," Tess whispered to Roger before Mark walked back out.

Roger nodded at her but couldn't handle the disappointed look Mark was sending his way. "I'm going out." Giving Tess an apologetic look, he turned and walked out of the apartment.

Letting out a sigh Mark turned to look at Tess.

"It wasn't him, Mark. He was just about to get rid of it when you walked in. This was my fault, I was stupid."

"Why'd you have that shit Tess? Why'd you bring it into my house and wave it in front of Roger?"

Mark had tears in his eyes as he looked at her, and for the first time she understood how deep his friendship with Roger was. He began pacing the floor not knowing what else to do. He felt betrayed by her. When he finally stopped and looked at her he saw that she too was in tears.

"I'm sorry."

She looked so sad, Mark suddenly felt guilty for not understanding how difficult this fight must be for her. He opened his arms and she ran to them.

"It's okay. I'm sorry Tess, for not understanding."

"I'm moving out." She turned her head so that her words were mumbled into his neck.

Mark pulled away from their embrace. "What? Why? Tess you don't have to. This- it's okay."

She shook her head. "I already spoke to Benny. There's an open apartment right in this building and…. I have a job."

"A job? But Tess, are you sure you're ready?"

"It's been weeks since I moved in here. It's about time I get on my own two feet don't you think?" Mark looked down to the floor.

She was right, but he didn't want to lose her, she'd become a good friend. "I told you before, there's no rush."

"Mark, you need your bedroom back. You can't possibly like living in the living room."

"I don't mind," He insisted.

"Bullshit. I'm only going to be in the apartment downstairs."

"Downstairs?" Mark's eyes widened.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Oh, no reason. Did you tell Roger yet?"

Tess knew enough to see that there was something up. "No. Why? What's wrong with the apartment downstairs?"

Mark shook his head. "Nothing. Roger's going to miss having you around, that's all. So am I. "

"It's only fifteen stairs away. Don't worry, everything will stay the same."

"Yeah, just the same." He couldn't hold back the sarcasm lacing his words.

"I'm going to go find Roger. I need to apologize, and tell him the news."

Mark grabbed her hand before she left. She looked at him questioningly. "You should know…about Mark." He was having trouble getting the words out. "He's been through a lot Tess and he doesn't deal with change very well. Look, just don't expect him to take the news of your moving too well."

She nodded. "He's very intense isn't he?"

"He wasn't always. He's been his old self a lot more often recently, just- be careful how you tell him."

She didn't understand how her moving to the apartment downstairs could be such hard news. It wasn't as though she was moving far, maybe he was just more attached to her than he'd let on. "Okay, wish me luck."

Mark smiled for her benefit. "Good luck, Tess."

She went in search of Roger, leaving him alone to stress about how his friend was going to react once he found out about her moving, and where she was moving to. Letting out a deep sigh, Mark sat down on the couch, took off his glasses and put his head in his hands. Why did women always bring so much drama with them?

* * *

She caught up with him down the street from their apartment.

"Roger." She latched onto his arm and turned him around to look at her. "I'm sorry. I was stupid."

"You can't bring that stuff into our place, Tess!" His voice was tight, and he sounded like he was holding back tears.

She looked down, ashamed of herself. "I know. It was a small moment of weakness."

"Yeah well, your small moment of weakness made things pretty hard for me." She watched his hands clench into fists but she couldn't bring herself to make eye contact. Feeling guilty for berating her, he bent his knees and lowered himself to look at her. "Hey, it's okay. We all fuck up sometimes, me especially." This last part he said with a sardonic laugh.

She smiled at him. "I think you're too hard on yourself."

Roger shrugged. He stood up and wrapped his arm around her as they continued walking.

"Where were you going?" she asked enjoying the feel of his body next to hers.

"Dunno, I just needed to take a walk. It got too intense in there, I didn't want to deal with Mark's judgment."

"He loves you." She'd never seen two people as close as Mark and Roger.

"I know, it's just suffocating sometimes. I love him too. He's put up with an unbelievable amount of bullshit from me and not once run away."

"He's not judging. I think he's trying to protect you. He doesn't want to lose you before he has to." She felt a strong need to defend Mark, after all he's saved her too.

"That's the thing though. He is going to lose me." She was taken aback by the sound of his voice and the look in his eyes. She thought he may break down right there in front of her.

She stopped walking and stepped in front of him. "Hey," she took his face in her hands, "he'll be okay. He's strong and you guys have a good group of friends. They'll support him, they'll all support each other."

He nodded then took her hands in his. "Enough. I don't like to think about that stuff. It just depresses me. What about you? Are you going to be okay? You can do this you know, the new job, and new life."

She smiled. "There's more. New stuff, I mean."

"Really? Good, look at you moving right along. What else?"

"I got my own place."

He dropped her hand and stopped walking once again. "You what?"

Picking his hand up in hers, she smiled at him and said, "I got an apartment. On my own."

Roger stared at her. "Why?"

"Because. I don't want to be a burden on you and Mark. You guys have been wonderful but I'm pretty sure he wants his room back and you guys must want to be able to act like guys all the time again, you know, without having to be mindful of the girl."

"Tess, I like having you as a roommate. I don't want you to move, you shouldn't feel like you have to." He was really upset by her news, she could tell by the way his hand tightened around hers.

"I'm only moving to the apartment downstairs. It'll be like I never left." He suddenly dropped her hand from his grasp.

"The apartment downstairs?"

She tried to remain positive. "Yeah, so I won't be that far. You can come see me whenever you get lonely." She gave him a mock pout but turned serious when he didn't seem amused. "Roger, what's wrong? It won't be that bad. Really."

Suddenly his whole demeanor changed. He looked at her, smiled and picked her hand up once again. "Yeah, you're right. It won't be bad at all, and now Mark and I can have all the bachelor parties we want without having to worry about you."

She smiled at him but couldn't help thinking that he was putting on an act. His happiness seemed forced, she decided not to give any more thought to it and played along. "Mark? A bachelor party? He doesn't seem like the type. I don't think I've seen him notice anyone, let alone flirt since I moved in."

Roger laughed. "Mark's shy. Don't worry though, he does well for himself when he tries. Come on, let's get some food. I'm starved." He placed his arm around her again and pulled her in close as they continued walking.

She laughed along with him, loving the attention he gave her. She was definitely smitten with Roger Davis, and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing at all.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to everyone for your Reviews, thoughts and ideas! I love knowing how you feel about this story. I'm still in the process of writing it so you never know what things might change because of your input! I hope you like this chapter !

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Roger was asleep when he heard a knock on his bedroom door.

"Roger, you awake?"

He smiled knowing she'd come to tell him about her first day at work. He had asked her to and told her it didn't matter how late she got home, she should wake him up anyway.

"Yeah, Tess, come in."

"Watcha doing?" She slipped through the door and sat beside him on the bed. "I thought you'd be playing your guitar. I did wake you didn't I?"

He shook his head enjoying the way her eyebrows scrunched together in worry. "It's okay. I want to hear all about it."

She smiled and slapped his arm playfully as she gave a little bounce on the bed. "Liar"

He smiled. He loved the way she cheered a room up just by walking in. He listened to her tell him all about her day, not really paying attention to her words but enjoying her body language. She was so expressive, so passionate, that sometimes he forgot she'd suffered as much as he had.

"What's going on in here? You guys are louder than teenaged girls." Mark came into the room rubbing his eyes holding his glasses in his hand. Roger smiled realizing that as late as it was, Mark was dressed in jeans and a button down shirt instead of his usual striped sweater.

"Where'd you come from? Late night for you." Tess gave him her sternest look.

"I was just out." Noticing the looks disbelief on his friend's faces, he yelled, "What? I have a social life!"

Roger looked at Tess and both burst out laughing.

"Why is that funny?" Mark walked over to the bed and threw himself down next to Tess.

"No reason. Mmm nice cologne, did you have a hot date?" Tess leaned into him and sniffed at his neck.

"I don't kiss and tell." Mark smiled as he pushed her away only to lean his head onto her shoulder instead. "I'm going to miss you when you move."

The mood suddenly changed and Mark regretted his words as soon as he looked into Roger's face. The rocker turned serious, his arm falling away from around Tess' shoulder. She pulled away and faced him, a confused look on her face. "What's the matter? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired you know? I think I should try and get some sleep."

Tess looked over to Mark who shrugged but stood from the bed. "Come on, T. You should get some sleep too. Don't you have the early shift tomorrow?" He extended his hand out and helped her up.

Roger felt badly he watched her nod at Mark and take his hand, a dumbstruck look on her face. Then, she looked at him, her face revealing her hurt feelings so well that he had took look away.

"Night, Roger. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Good sleep, Tess." He could see her hand stay in Mark's as they walked out of his bedroom and into the living room together. As soon as the door shut he threw himself on the bed and covered his head with his arm.

"What the fuck was that?" She turned to Mark hoping that he would have some clue as to the inner workings of Roger Davis.

Mark looked at her sadly. "Roger runs hot and cold. It's just how he is."

"Yeah, well, whatever. I'm going to bed. I'm too tired to solve that puzzle right now." She leaned into Mark and kissed his cheek. "You sure you don't want your bed back? I don't mind the couch."

"You only have a week left here. Take the bed, I don't mind."

She nodded and walked into the bedroom shaking her head in confusion. Mark let out a deep sigh as he sat on the couch. When would Roger stop being such an ass?

* * *

Tess had been living in her new apartment for the last month and not once had Roger come down to hang out. He had seemed happy for her after the night in his room, pretending his awkward behavior had never happened, and going as far as throwing her a congratulatory dinner at _The Life Café, _inviting Maureen, Joanne, Mark and Collins. She'd had a blast meeting the entire gang. But from the moment she had moved out, he avoided her and the apartment as if his life depended on it, and she didn't understand why. She wanted to ask him, but whenever she mentioned the place he would tense up, so she left it alone. It wasn't as if she often saw him anyway. Ever since she'd moved out Roger had made it a point to be anywhere else but home whenever she came around. He was either working, on his way to work, or on his way out mumbling a quick hello/goodbye before practically running out the door. This had left her to spend a lot of her time with Mark, which resulted in their forming the closest friendship she'd ever had.

One night, Roger walked in to find Tess and Mark sitting on the couch each holding a cup of coffee and leaning conspiratorially toward each other.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know you- I didn't mean to interrupt."

Tess shot up from the couch. "Roger! No, you're not interrupting anything. Come in, have some coffee with us."

Roger looked around the apartment making sure not to meet her eyes. "I was just stopping in to grab some stuff. I've got somewhere to be, you know?"

Finally looking up at her, his eyes roamed up and down her body, making her smile in satisfaction. She knew she looked good; she'd made it a point to dress for him that morning. She had chosen to wear her shortest jean shorts and a loose hot pink tank top cut low enough to show off a hint of her cleavage. Her curls were piled up at the top of her head, the baby hairs she always fought with springing onto her face as usual. She had filled out a bit since coming off the streets, and now she had curves in all the right places, particularly around her hips and thighs. She watched as his eyes stopped to linger at the area, and then moved back up to view her small but perfect cleavage, before finally making eye contact with her. She had made sure that her lips were smooth and shiny with lip gloss, perfectly kissable. Her time spent reading on the fire escape under the sun had darkened her skin, making the pink of her shirt pop calling ever so much attention her cleavage, which his eyes quickly roamed down to observe once again. She watched as his eyes quickly moved up and finally made contact with hers.

"Well, I should get going." He abruptly walked out the door without saying another word. Tess looked at Mark and threw her arms up in the air.

"Tess-"

"You know what, Mark? I'm going to need some alone time. I'll talk to you later."

"Why? Do you feel violated? I mean, the way he was looking at you…." Mark smiled at her trying to get her to laugh.

"It's not funny." Tess stomped her foot and walked toward the door.

"Tess! I'm sorry I was just trying to get you to smile. Tess!"

He stood up to go after her but she had already slammed the door behind her.

* * *

After the uncomfortable confrontation between Roger and Tess, Mark began visiting Tess in her new apartment quite often. This way there would be no chance of bumping into Roger. In those weeks she grew to become his confidant.

"How come you never talk to Roger about these things?" she asked him one morning as they had their coffee at the table Collins had bought for her from a local flea market.

He had been telling her about his latest dilemma at work. He was torn between staying with the news station he currently worked for or taking a new job filming a documentary on the way the young lived their lives in New York for a new cable network that was trying to break out with the eighteen to twenty five age group. He chewed on his bagel and swallowed, taking a sip of his coffee before answering.

"Roger isn't the type to give advice, he's more the _taking_ advice kind of guy."

"You're very giving, Mark." She said, referring to how he always helped his roommate. "Always taking care of people and worrying about them. I think all that worrying is going to give you a heart attack." She smiled as Mark rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee.

"Did you take your AZT?"

"See! I rest my case." Tess laughed and flipped her hair out of her face.

Mark only raised an eyebrow at her.

"No, I haven't taken them, but look, they're right here." she took an orange prescription bottle out of her pocket and waved it in Mark's face. "I've been taking these a lot longer than I'd like to admit, so I don't often forget them."

"Sorry T. I'm just used to hounding Roger about it."

"I know. Speaking of whom, where is Mr. Moody this morning?"

"Not sure, he didn't sleep at home last night. Hey, how about that new couch Joanne hooked you up with?"

Trying to change the subject Mark pointed to Tess' new piece of furniture, a large, used red suede couch in surprisingly good condition. It was a sleeper couch too, which had come in handy on the night she'd had her house warming party. Maureen and Joanne had crashed on it. They'd been in no position to go home that night. He suspected that to be the reason Maureen had convinced her girlfriend to give Tess the couch in the first place. This way she could get drunk outside of the house and have somewhere comfortable to crash. He rolled his eyes at the thought of his self-involved ex-girlfriend.

Tess smiled at Mark. "It's okay Mark. You don't have to change the subject. Roger is a big boy, he can do what he wants. There's nothing going on between us."

"I know but for a while there, I felt this vibe every time you two were in the same room, at least when he actually managed to be in the same area as you. I wish he wasn't being such a dick, you could really be good for him."

Tess shook her head. "The only vibe I've been getting since I moved down here has been tension and awkwardness."

She put her hand over Mark's when she noticed that he was looking everywhere but at her.

"It's okay. If you know what's going on with him, you don't have to tell me. Whatever it is that's got Roger brooding and avoiding me is his to tell. I'll just have to suck it up and wait 'till he's ready to spill."

"It's complicated T, and Roger doesn't do complications too well."

They both looked toward the door when they heard footsteps in the hallway and the sound of the upstairs door being slid open.

"I'd better go and see how he's doing." Mark took one last sip of his coffee and stood up to leave. "Are you still coming over for our dinner party tonight? "

Tess nodded. "I'll be up after work. I just want to stop here to shower and change first."

Mark smiled knowingly.

"I don't want to smell like a diner!" She yelled knowing that Mark was teasing her about Roger.

"Uh huh"

"Mark! I'm serious."

"See you tonight Tess. Try not to look too obvious."

"Maaark" Tess threw her bagel at him but he'd already shut the door.

"Whatever." She put her head down on the table and sighed. "Men."

* * *

Mark slammed the door to his apartment open causing Roger to look up from where he sat cross-legged on the table strumming chords on his guitar.

"Where were you last night?"

Roger looked up at him, his face angry and accusing.

"I thought we were done with the bullshit Mark."  
Mark raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What? Oh! No. I know you're done with the drug scene."

"Then why are you asking about my business?"

"Because… because I thought you wanted to start something going with Tess, and if you were out with some girl all night-"

"Since when is this any of your business?" Roger didn't seem to be taking Mark seriously as his attention went right back to his guitar.

"What the fuck are you doing Roger?"

"What?" Roger stared blank faced at his roommate.

"With Tess. First, you lead her on and make her think she has a chance then, you completely drop her with no explanation." Mark waved his hands wildly while yelling at Roger, his face turning redder the angrier he became.

Roger put his guitar down next to him on the table.

"Didn't you say she was too young for me? Wasn't it you who stood in this very room and told me to be careful?"

"Yeah well I didn't mean for you to go ahead and hurt her!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on Roger, don't you think she's noticed the way you've been avoiding her lately? "

Roger took a deep breath seemingly to calm himself down. "Look, this is really none of your business."

"Yeah Roger, it is. I was the reason you two met and I'm the one who listens to her and sees how she's trying to cover up how hurt she is."

Roger stood up from the table and walked over to Mark. "Who told you to be her best friend?"

"Seriously? That's what this is about? You're jealous?"

"No." Roger sounded like a petulant child.

"Then what?" Mark watched Roger look at him, silently begging him to understand and then it finally hit him. "You need to tell her about Mimi."

Roger's only response was to run a hand through his hair and look down at his boots.

"Anyway," Mark continued, "I thought you were okay with that. Well, you know, at peace with it anyway."

"I was! I am. It's just, that's Mimi's apartment."

Mark put his hand on Roger's shoulder. "You knew Benny would have to rent it out eventually."

"Yeah, to some stranger I didn't know. Not to Tess. I didn't think I'd ever have to see the place again."

"This isn't her fault. You shouldn't punish her for it. Do me a favor, Rog? I get that this is hard for you, but don't be an asshole to Tess. This has nothing to do with her."

Roger nodded. "Yeah, I know." He walked over to the couch and grabbed his jacket. "I need to take a walk."

"Yeah." Mark knew him well enough to accept that he would need time to think things through.

"Hey Mark?"

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you change your mind about me and Tess?"

"She's lived a lot more than other eighteen year olds. T's got a good head on her shoulders."

"T?"

Mark smiled and shrugged.

"So you think she can handle me and my fucked up life?"

"Shut up Roger. Go smoke some cancer sticks."

Roger smiled, gave him the finger and walked out the door. Mark hoped he'd gotten through to him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for your reviews! I hope you enjoy this update. Please let me know, feedback feeds my muse!**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Later that night Tess stood in front of her closet trying to decide what to wear. She didn't have many clothes to choose from and she didn't want to come off as desperate for Roger's attention. This left her with few options. She worked at a diner and needed to dress to get tips, so most of her shorts and skirts were too short. She wanted to come off as casual, like she wasn't trying too hard. She finally decided on a pair of black leggings and a loose fitting grey t-shirt cut low enough in front to show some cleavage. She paired the outfit off with some knee high combat boots then went off to the bathroom to try and tame her hair.

She fought with it for a half hour before giving up, and leaving it down in a loose curly and unruly mass that reached the middle of her back. She put on some lip gloss, gave herself one last look in the mirror then walked out the door heading toward Mark and Rogers apartment.

When she arrived she saw that the dinner party was in full swing. Collins opened the door for her welcoming her in with a hug.

"Tess girl, you are late."

"I can see that." Taking a look around, she could see Mark cooking on the stove and Maureen dancing to the music coming from the stereo, a bottle of wine in hand. She was trying to get Joanne, who was sitting on the couch laughing, to join in.

"Where's Roger?" Tess hoped that he would be participating and not locked up in her room or worse, out for the night.

Collins pointed at the fire escape where Roger stood facing out toward the street, his back toward the party. "Brooding."

"Color me shocked," Tess said.

"Come on in and have some _Stoli_. Relax."

Tess did just that. She walked over to Mark at the stove to say hello. He looked her up and down and said,

"Not desperate at all."

Tess smacked him on the shoulder.

"Mark!

All he did was laugh at her and kiss her cheek. "You look good T. Grab a drink from the refrigerator. Dinner will be done soon."

Tess mixed herself a _Stoli_ and coke, walked over to Joanne and Maureen said a quick hello, then made her way through the window to the fire escape to see Roger. She leaned on the railing next to him and lit a cigarette.

"Nice night."

He turned to look at her and smiled. "Hey, I didn't think you were coming tonight. Mark had said you had to work."

"I switched shifts with someone. Didn't want to miss one of Mark's fabulous parties. They can get out of control, at least that's what happened last time. You know, at my apartment warming party, the one you didn't show up to."

Roger's smile fell. "So, what are you doing out here and not inside with the party?"

He threw his cigarette off the balcony and lit another one, eliciting a bang on the window from Maureen who waved her finger at the both of them.

"Put out the cancer sticks guys!"

"Okay Maureen. God forbid either of us get a life threatening illness. We certainly don't want to cut our lives short," he yelled, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Maureen gave Roger the finger and went back to dancing.

"You can be so morbid, Roger." Tess elbowed him in the ribs.

"It's the artist in me," he answered turning to her and tickling her sides.

Tess laughed and leant into him. Roger stopped his actions as he held her in his arms looking down into her eyes.

"I miss you, Roger." She was taken aback by her own words but didn't move away from his arms.

"What?" He heard her words, but was so taken by the way she was looking at him that they made no sense.

"I hardly see you anymore. I miss you."

He took a strand of her curls and began playing with it. "Well, if you hadn't moved…."

"I'm only downstairs! You can come down to visit you know. Mark practically lives down there."

"Don't think I haven't noticed."

A smile spread across her face. "Are you jealous?"

"Of Mark? No! You could always come up here you know," he countered.

"I do. I did. I came up almost every day but you were either sleeping or on your way out, so I decided to stay downstairs. I feel like you're deliberately trying to avoid me." Tess pulled away from his arms making him have to let go of her hair.

"Tess-"

"No, let me finish. I thought we were friends Rog, but ever since I moved I've been getting the cold shoulder. Why is that?"

"It's complicated."

She felt tears begin to form and she fought desperately to keep them at bay.

"Fuck complicated Roger! Either you like me or you don't!"

Roger's lips were suddenly on hers, his mouth devouring hers, their tongues crashing, his hands splayed on her back, pulling her into him. Tess found her hands wrapped around his neck, her fingers playing with his hair. He tasted like cigarettes and beer, and just when she started to really enjoy the kiss he pulled away leaving her blinking up at him dumbly.

Roger ran his hand through his hair. "I like you."

Unable to think coherently, Tess nodded at him.

"You're the first girl I've liked in a long time and God, Tess I really suck at this. I'm a disaster."

She took his hands in hers. "Do you think I'm some kind of a love expert? I've lived on the street since I was sixteen. Not a lot of opportunity for romance there."

Roger smiled at her. "Good point."

"So, we're doing this then?"

"Yeah, we are." He looked into the apartment and noticed that Maureen was dancing with Joanne but her eyes kept shifting toward them. "Let's go in now before they send Maureen out to get us."

Roger took Tess' hand in his and helped her walk in through the window to get back into the apartment. Mark was the first to notice their entwined hands.

"Well, it's about time. The sexual angst was starting to suffocate me." A large smile played on his face as he looked at his two best friends.

"Shut up, Mark," the new couple berated their friend in unison.

"What's this?" Maureen stopped dancing and came over to where the three friends stood laughing. "Are you two together now?"

Tess opened her mouth to answer but Roger beat her to it. "Guess you'll have to figure it out, Mo."

"Fuck off Roger," the diva told him with a smile.

Just then Collins walked over with a tray of roast chicken balanced in his hands. "Dinner is served."

The group clapped their hands as they sat around the table to eat.

* * *

After dinner they sat around and drank some more. Maureen had convinced Joanne to dance with her again while Mark and Collins played a game of cards in the corner. Roger sat on the couch playing with Tess' hair as she lounged on his lap.

"I think I'm drunk," she told him.

"I know you are," he said.

"Really?" Her eyes widened in surprise. "How?"

Roger laughed. "Because you kept tripping over everything when you were dancing earlier until I finally had to sit you down."

She leaned over and kissed him. "I'm glad you sat me down."

"Look at you, just turned eighteen and drunk."

She pouted at him.

"It's okay. I'm drunk too."

"Does it bother you?" she asked.

"What, being drunk? Not really."

"I mean, that you're twenty seven and I'm so young. Is that why you kept avoiding me?"

Roger traced a finger along the plunging V of her sweater letting it linger when he reached the point where both breasts met.

"At first, then I realized you're a lot older than most eighteen year olds. You had to grow up fast."

"I did." She nodded leaning back to enjoy his touch. "Question is, did you realize this on your own or did Mark point it out to you?"

Roger laughed and poked her side. "Mark pointed it out."

"I love Mark." Tess said loud enough for everyone to hear.

"As well you should," Mark answered from his card game.

Roger pouted at her, and Tess kissed him so he wouldn't be jealous.

"Get a room guys." Maureen called from the kitchen, she had stopped dancing and was now rummaging in the refrigerator for another bottle of wine.

Tess pulled away from the kiss and leaned into Roger's ear. "Maybe we should."

"Not yet." Roger kissed her neck then her cheek. "Let's wait until we're sober."

"Okay, but I need to cool off." She stood up extending her hand to help him up. "Cigarette break?"

Roger nodded taking her hand and standing up.

"You know you guys should really quit. It's a nasty habit," Mark yelled at them as they made their way to the fire escape.

Roger rolled his eyes. "He thinks he's my father."

Tess lit her cigarette, held it out and examined it. "Maybe we should quit. I mean there's no reason we should be trying to die faster…"

"Now who's the morbid one?" Roger asked.

"Shut up." Tess wobbled on her feet.

"Woah, you okay there?" Roger grabbed her by the waist in order to keep her steady.

"I think I should call it a night. I'm not feeling so great all of a sudden." She threw her cigarette over the ledge and sat down on the window sill putting her head in her hands.

Roger knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his. "I'll have Mark walk you down. I don't want you falling down the stairs."

Tess looked up at him. _He'd have Mark walk her down? Mark? Why couldn't he?_ It wasn't the time to discuss it. Right then she felt that she might throw up at any second so she just nodded her head and took his hand to let him help her back in.

"Mark, Tess isn't feeling well. She drank too much. Could you walk her downstairs?"

Mark looked up from his cards giving Roger a stern look. "Me? Really, Rog?"

"Not now Mark, just help me out."

Tess could sense there was something going on between the two friends, but as she fought to keep the room from spinning she found she couldn't concentrate on figuring it out. Mark walked over to her and took her hand.

"You okay, T?"

She nodded and managed to answer in one word. "Home.

Mark smiled. "Okay, let's go."

Roger kissed her cheek. "Good night Tess. Drink some water and have two _Advil_ before you pass out okay? Mark, make sure she does."

She nodded her head and let Mark pull her out the door. She didn't notice her friends waving good bye, all she could do was concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.

Once downstairs her mood took a serious nose dive. Realizing it was Mark walking her to her door and not her boyfriend made her so angry and sad that she forgot about her man was so confusing, one moment telling her how much he liked her and the next practically running away from her.

"Hey," Mark's voice came out of nowhere interrupting her thoughts. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"He doesn't do it on purpose. Roger's been through a lot the last couple of years. He doesn't know how to handle things sometimes."

"Things like walking his girlfriend home? What's wrong with him, Mark?"

"Tess-"

"Yeah I know. It's not for you to say."

"He'll tell you when he's ready." Mark took her hand in his in an attempt to soften his refusal of information.

"What if I'm not around when he's ready?"

Catching on to her implication, Mark looked down at his feet. "Be patient, Tess. Roger's complicated, but he'll come around."

"Or maybe he's just an asshole."

That said, Tess turned around and walked into her apartment leaving Mark standing alone. When he turned to go back upstairs he saw Roger standing at the top, staring down below.

"You heard?" Mark asked.

Roger only turned and walked back into the party. Mark ran up the stairs to follow him but didn't see him once he walked back into the apartment.

"What's up with Roger?" Collins walked up to Mark and put his hand on his shoulder. "He just walked into his room and slammed the door. Don't tell me there's trouble in paradise already?"

"He refuses to go into Tess' apartment."

"Oh. She doesn't know?" Collins removed his hand from Mark's shoulder moving to stand in front of his friend.

"He doesn't want to talk about it. You know Roger."

"Listen Mark, it's time you stop worrying about Roger and his problems. He's a big boy, he can handle them on his own. He'll tell Tess everything when he's ready, or he'll lose her and regret it."

"Tess is my friend," Mark argued.

"But whatever's going on between them is between them. You can't get involved Mark." Collins was looking at him sternly, but his eyes revealed and understanding only a person who knew Roger and Mark's relationship well could have.

"You're right."

With that the conversation and the party were over. Roger's dramatic entrance and exit had killed the party mood for all. They said they're goodnights and left.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The next morning Tess woke up with an immense hangover. _I forgot to take the damn Advil._ Remembering the events of the previous night, she flopped back on the bed with no intention of getting back up for the rest of her life. Unfortunately, that was not meant to be. Her headache was magnified by several knocks at the door.

"Tess, you awake?"

Mark. Tess got out of bed and made her way to the door not caring how disheveled she looked. She had somehow managed to get out of her combat boots last night and thrown on a tank top. She was still clad in last night's leggings, and having passed out before she could tie it back; her hair was a massive tangle on her head. She opened the door, her eyes squinting at the light that poured into the apartment.

"Morning, Mark."

Mark smiled and pushed the coffee pot he held toward her.

"Thought you might need this today."

"Yes, thanks. Come in."

Mark followed her into the kitchen and sat down at the table while she grabbed some mugs.

"How are you?" he asked when she sat down across from him.

"Hung-over. How are you not?"

Mark shrugged.

"Roger still sleeping?" She tried to sound casual but it was too early in the morning for effort and she ended up sounding as desperate as she felt.

"Dunno, haven't seen him. He heard us last night though. I caught him staring from the top of the stairs after you went in."

"Serves him right." She was still angry at him. He deserved her insult.

"Tess-"

She raised her hand to quiet him. "Nope. You don't get to make excuses for him anymore Mark. He's a big boy, let him own up to his mistakes. God, don't you ever get tired of it?"

Mark shrugged again. She was slightly annoyed, but accepted that this was he and Roger's favored way of communication.

She rolled her eyes at him. "I'll never understand you guys' relationship."

Four days went by before she saw Roger again. He hadn't been home when she had gone up to hang out with Mark and after the second day she refused to go upstairs at all. He hadn't even bothered to play the avoidance game, choosing instead to disappear from her life all together. Mark had been included in this and had only seen him once, by accident, as he had been on his way to the bathroom when Roger walked in at three in the morning. Other than telling her about that odd encounter, Mark remained tight lipped about the goings on upstairs. She had forced herself not to get between the two friends by whining to him about her issues with Roger. She had held in her anger about the situation for so long that on the fourth day she finally exploded. She had been sitting on her couch pretending to read a magazine as she listened closely to the noises coming in from the hallway. She finally heard footsteps going up the stairs, and the sound of their apartment door opening followed by loud arguing, ending with Mark grumbling and heavy footsteps storming out of the building. That had done it; she was tired of Mark fighting her battles for her. This time she would be the one to deal with Roger. She made her way upstairs and pounded furiously on the apartment door. After what seemed like forever, judging from the pain radiating from her knuckles, Roger finally slid it open.

"What'd the door ever do to you, Mark?" His eyes widened when he saw that it was her and not his roommate on the other side.

"Tess, what are you doing here?" His eyes shot back down to the ground as he spoke.

"I just wanted to let you know that this thing between us, whatever it is, it's over." She crossed her arms over her chest for effect.

"What?" His head shot back up to look at her.

"You heard me. I'm sick of all your bullshit. I get it, things are complicated. You have some personal crap going on—whatever. Grow the fuck up Roger! It's time to be an adult and face your problems. I'm nine years younger than you, and I've got more maturity in my pinky finger than you have in your entire body."

"Tess-"

She raised her hand to shut him up. "I quit. I'm done being patient. Get your act together Roger. I'm moving on."

She turned to leave but he grabbed her arm and turned her to face him again.

"My old girlfriend Mimi, she used to live in your apartment."

When he saw Tess' eyes grow wide and her anger about to erupt, he blurted,

"She died. Mimi, she had Aids."

Realizing how stupid she'd been Tess slapped her hand over her mouth.

"You moving down there, it brought up some old feelings. I guess I handled it the wrong way. Tess, I'm sorry I fucked up."  
"I've been such a bitch."

He took her hand. "You were right to be angry. I didn't explain. I've been an asshole."

"Oh, Roger." This time she was the one to hang her head in shame.

"Come in. Please?"

She allowed him to pull her into the apartment and followed him toward the couch, her hand still in his when they sat down.

"I panicked when you moved down there. I didn't want to go see it, too many memories."

"You thought that if you were down there with me it would disrespect what you had with her."

Roger nodded. This girl was so wise.

"I can find another place."

"No. I think it's time I moved on."

Tess took her hand from his. "Roger—"

"I want to do this. I don't think I can move on if I don't."

Tess kissed his cheek then laid her head on his shoulder. "Why is it suddenly so hard for you to talk to me? You used to do it all the time when I first got here."

All he did was shrug.

"Roger Davis, what am I going to do with you?"

"I suck at relationships. I warned you." He sounded so sad saying it.

Tess looked up at him and took his hand back in hers. "Let's just go slow, one step at a time."

"I think I might want to go see your apartment now," he told her not able to hold in a smile at the look of shock she gave him.

"Wow, huge step. You sure?"

He nodded, stood up and took her by the hand pulling her to a standing position. Mark came in just as they were getting ready to go. He looked from one to the other then down at their entwined hands. "You two made up?"

Tess smiled widely at her best friend. "I guess we have."

Mark walked over to her and gave her a hug. "I'm glad." Pulling away from her embrace he turned to look at Roger. "Don't fuck up again."

Roger smiled. "Shut up, Mark."

Mark rolled his eyes. "So, where are you guys off to?"

"Downstairs." Roger tried to make the words sound like it was no big deal that he was about to step into his dead girlfriend's apartment for the first time in what seemed like a life time.

"Really?" Mark raised his eyebrows surprised by his friend's sudden change in character.

"Yeah, really. Roger says he's ready." Tess gave Mark a look that said, 'Don't ruin this for me'.

Taking the hint Mark stepped away from the door. "Well don't let me keep you. You guys go on, maybe we can have a drink at the _Life Café_ later. To celebrate."  
Tess smiled. "Maybe. Come on Rog."

They went downstairs leaving Mark baffled once more by the things Tess had been able to get Roger to do in the short time she'd known him that he was never able to in the many years they'd been friends.

Roger approached the door with trepidation. Tess saw the look on his face and took pity.

"We don't need to do this today Roger. We can wait."

He shook his head. "If I don't do it now I'll never do it."

Tess shrugged and slid the door to her studio apartment open. Roger took a deep breath and didn't let it out.

"Come in," she invited.

He took a step in and exhaled. The apartment looked nothing like it had when Mimi lived in it. He was relieved to find that the two girls had completely different taste in decorating. He felt a bit dumb now for thinking he would walk into the apartment and find everything just as Mimi had left it. Her apartment was similar to his. Gone were the beads that had served as Mimi's bedroom wall. Tess had replaced them with sheer white curtains held open by strings tied to either end. Her bed was larger than Mimi's had been. Maybe a queen, and instead of a plain wooden headboard this one had rod iron bars on both ends. How had she afforded it on a waitress salary? Collins. This must have been his doing. He'd taken quite a liking to her from the moment they'd met. He liked coddling her and making her happy, "I just love to see her smile," he'd told Mark who'd then told Roger. "She lights up a room," he'd said, "reminds me of Angel." Her dresser was antique. He could tell from its shape. It looked like good solid dark wood. The mirror attached to it was large and had a slight heart shape to it. _A girly girl at heart. _He looked over to where she had set up her "living room". Unlike his and Mark's apartment, this one had no walls to separate the bedroom from the rest of the space. There was a large comfortable looking red velvet couch, a glass coffee table sat in front of it and a brown leather recliner to the side. Her kitchen was bare except for a metal table, much like he and Mark's, was set up in front of the large window that opened to the fire escape.

"So?" she asked.

"Collins get you all the furniture?"

She shook her head. "Only some. Joanne got me the couch and I found the table on my own. I love them." She referred to the group of friends she'd recently been introduced to.

"They're hard not to. Except for Maureen, I could live without her."

She gave him the 'Roger that's not nice' look. "How do you feel?" Her look quickly changed to one of concern as she furrowed her eyebrows at him.

"I'm fine. I don't know why I thought I'd be walking into Mimi's old stuff."

"Because," she walked over to him and smiled, "That's the way it was when you last saw it." She couldn't help the feeling of guilt that took her over. Mimi's things had still been in the apartment when she'd moved in. At Mark's suggestion she had put most of them in the large storage unit reserved for her in the basement, the rest they had donated to the Salvation Army. It wasn't her fault that Benny hadn't cleaned the apartment out before letting her move in. She didn't know who the things belonged to and Mark hadn't said anything about it either. She'd have to have a talk with him later. She decided to wait before telling Roger about it, he seemed to be doing so well right now, she didn't want to risk him running away from her again.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Hey, are you okay?"

Tess caught herself chewing on a piece of her hair in the way she did when she was overthinking things. From the way Roger was looking at her, she figured she must have zoned out.

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry, I was just nervous about how you'd react. Come on, sit with me. Do you want some coffee or tea?" She took him by the hand and walked to the couch.

"No, I'm good." Taking a seat, he felt some relief in knowing that this hadn't been as hard as he'd thought. "She showed me how to live." He opened up as soon as Tess sat down next to him. It just felt like the right time. "Mimi. I had shut myself off you know, after finding out about the HIV. It's a long complicated story."

"But Mimi saved you." Tess leant into him and Roger put his arm around her. _Definitely not the right time to tell him, he's just starting to open up for the first time in a while. _

"Yeah, I guess she did."

"It's good you had that, Roger. Everyone needs a little slap in the face to get their act together."

Roger laughed out. "A slap in the face?"

"Yeah. That's what Mark did for me. I'll never forget what he said to me."

"What did he say?"

"He never told you?"

Roger shook his head.

"The last time I saw him, before showing up at your apartment, I didn't have enough money to pay my dealer so, he got a few punches in as payment."

Roger's hand went to her cheek. "Oh, baby."

Tess took his hand away and shook her head. "It's all in the past now. Anyway, Mark said to me, 'Is this how you want to live your life? You can be so much better. I see so much in you. Don't you want more out of life?' Anyway, he gave me his address and that's when I decided enough was enough. I showed up at your doorstep soon after. Mark's my savior."

She thought she felt Roger tense up beside her. "Your savior huh?"

"Yeah, just like Mimi was yours."

She wanted to say something about his reaction to her story about Mark but wasn't sure if she'd only imagined it, so she kept her mouth shut.

"How did you and Mark meet?"

"He showed up in our little "city" with his camera asking if he could film us for some documentary."

"Sounds about right."

"No one was happy about it or wanted him around but he just kept coming back. He found me in an alley. He must have it somewhere in all that film he has upstairs. Anyway, he started interviewing me and we sort of hit it off from there. I was high most of the time, so it's possible that my take on hitting it off is entirely different from his."

"You guys never talked about it?" He was curious. Mark had never mentioned Tess to him before she showed up at their apartment door.

"No. Come to think about it we've never talked about the time I lived out there." She jutted her chin in the direction of the window meaning to say out on the streets.

"Oh."

"Roger?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad we've talked this out." She nuzzled closer to him.

"Yeah?"

"mm hmm"

"Me too."

Tess looked up at him. "Would it be weird for you to kiss me now?"

He thought it might have been, but now that he was here, he realized he was okay with it.

"Gladly." He smiled and pulled her in playing with her curls as he gave her a deep kiss.

"You're a good kisser," she whispered when he pulled away.

"You're not so bad yourself."

She answered him by pulling him into another kiss. Before she knew it, she was lying below him on the couch while he kissed her neck and caressed her stomach with one hand, the other playing with her hair.

"I love your hair," he whispered into her ear then continued exploring her mouth making it difficult for her to keep her concentration.

He tasted so good and his tongue knew exactly what to do to her mouth. Roger had a faint smell of tobacco to him and his hair was so soft. It felt nice to have his warm, muscular body over hers. Unfortunately, the moment was cut short by a sudden knock on the door.

"Tess, baby girl, you in there? We're heading out to _The Life_, want to come with? There's no sign of Roger around so you might be able to have a good time. No awkwardness guaranteed!"

Roger rose up on his elbow and gave her a look. She could only respond by giving him a shy smile. "How many people know what's going on?"

"Well, it's not like you haven't been obvious about it Roger. I didn't even have to say anything about it."

Roger shrugged and stood up. "You'd better answer the door before he just barges in. Collins doesn't believe in boundaries.

Tess stood up and opened the door to Collins poised to knock again.

"Tess girl, how are you?" He looked around the apartment to see how it was coming along when his eyes landed on Roger.

"Oh, hey man. I guess things are working out for you two. You doing okay?" Collins knew this must have been a hard thing to do. Roger wiped Tess' lip-gloss off with the back of his hand before answering his former roommate.

"Yeah, yeah of course. We'll meet you there man." He gave Tess a look to see if she agreed and smiled when she nodded at him.

"Fine with me. Don't take too long though. It's never good to have dessert before dinner." Collins couldn't help but laugh at his own joke.

Roger rolled his eyes. "See you later, Collins."

"Bye."

They could still hear him laughing as he made his way outside. Roger stood up and made his way to Tess. Wrapping his arms around her he pulled her in for a deep kiss.

"You sure you want to go? We could stay here instead."

Tess smiled and gently pushed him away. "Tempting as this is, I think we'd better take things slow."

Roger had freaked out on her twice, who knew what he'd do if they got too physical. That was a can of worms she wasn't in any hurry to open. He didn't know about her past, and she knew it wasn't a good idea to jump into bed with him without telling him first. Roger could sense how tense she had suddenly become.

"Tess, I know I was an ass before but—"

"No. It's okay. I just want it to be special, you know? Not rushed like it would be if we did it now."

Roger nodded even though he had a feeling that there was more to it than she was letting on.

"Let's go then. To the _Life Café_!"

He took her hand in his and together they walked out of the apartment and toward their friends.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The whole gang was there when they arrived. They laughed, ate and shared stories. Maureen had her arm thrown around Joanne while Mark and Collins laughed at something, probably one of Collins' jokes. Tess looked at Roger and smiled when she felt him take her hand in his and lead the way to the table.

"What's going on guys?" He smiled as he took a seat next to Mark and pulled her down on his lap.

"So you two are back together? How nice. Don't fuck up again Roger!" Maureen pointed at her friend as she spoke. "This one's a good one. I like her."

"Thanks, Mo." Tess smiled at the drama queen and leaned her head on Roger's shoulder.

Roger only glared at Maureen finding it a waste of his energy to retort to her comment.

"I like this girl too. She brings back a feeling that was missing from the group. A toast to Tess!" Collins lifted his glass and everyone followed suit.

"To Tess!" They echoed and proceeded to clink glasses.

Tess blushed and tried to hide her face further into Rogers's jacket making him laugh out loud.

"They like you." he whispered in her ear. "Bask in it, they don't usually like the girls I bring home."

She looked up at him. "Oh but you didn't bring me home. I kinda just showed up there."

Roger smiled and kissed her cheek.

They spent most of the night drinking, eating and enjoying each other's company until one of the waiters kindly told them that it was time to close and they needed to pay their bill and leave. Everyone dug through their wallets, pulling out as much cash as they could muster, then the group got up and walked out each making their way to their own place.

"I love you guys." Tess threw her arms around Mark and Roger as she walked between them feeling a little more than nice after all of the drinks she had consumed.

"I'm glad you do. The feelings mutual." Mark laughed as Tess stumbled trying to walk onto the sidewalk from the street.

"You okay, babe?" Roger looked at her as he put his free arm around her waist.

"Yeah, just had a bit too much to drink I guess." She smiled. "You called me babe."

Roger laughed out loud again. "Yeah, I did. Don't you have to work in the morning?"

"Yup, I do."

"Let's get you home to bed then." Mark looked at Roger and they shared a smile at her expense.

Tess leaned her head on Mark's shoulder. "You're so nice Mark, always taking care of me. Where were you when I was growing up?"

"Around I'm sure. Come on, let's get you up those stairs and Roger will put you to bed."

"I'm serious Mark. I could have really done with a friend like you." She lowered her voice and whispered in his ear as if revealing a secret. "My life was pretty shitty, you know."

"I guessed as much," he answered.

"I do have a bone to pick with you," she said continuing to whisper in his ear and waving her finger at him. "You weren't completely honest with me about the stuff in the apartment."

Mark stared at her, taken aback by her words, his mouth opened and closed. He was unable to form words, but Tess had already pulled away from him and was looking at Roger with a huge smile on her face.

"Okay, I'm ready for bed now. Take me there." She stretched her arms out for him to pick her up. Roger rolled his eyes but picked her up anyway, enjoying the feeling of having someone to hold.

"Good night Rog, I'll see you in the morning?" Having recovered from Tess' comment, Mark tried to sound unaffected as he assumed his roommate would not be coming home after having made up with his girlfriend.

Roger shook his head. "You'll see me in a few. She has to work tomorrow, and there's no way we're doing anything with her in this condition."

Mark laughed and made his way up the stairs and into their apartment, wondering what Tess would say to him the next day once she was sober.

Roger walked Tess in and laid her on the bed. He gently removed her shoes but left her clothes on, feeling it was too soon to undress her and that she may be upset at him in the morning if he did so. He brought her a glass of water and two _Advil,_ leaving them on her night table for her to take when she awoke. With a kiss on her forehead and a "good night, Tess" he made his way out of the apartment and into his own bed. She had passed out the minute he had placed her down.

* * *

She awoke feeling like she had been run over by a truck. "I have got to stop doing this to myself," she mumbled as she rubbed at her temples. Looking over at her night table she saw the glass of water and pills and took them gratefully. "Thank you Roger."

She got up, showered, changed and made it to work just in time. Waiting tables was not fun when suffering from a hangover, and she found herself having to bite her tongue on several occasions where a few of the diners got a little mouthy over her looks or their food service. Finally after six hours she was able to hang up her apron and hightail it home. It was a beautiful day out, making her truly lament the fact that she was not able to enjoy it due to the pounding headache she was suffering from. When she got home she threw herself on the couch falling asleep immediately.

When next she awoke it was late afternoon, and the sun had gone down making her apartment dimmer than she liked. Standing up she saw that it was already six p.m. and she knew she needed to get out of the apartment in order to get the gloomy feeling out of her system. Maybe Roger was around or if not, she could always hang out with Mark. _Mark!_ She suddenly remembered about yesterday's events and finding out that he'd lied to her about Mimi's things. Tess made her way to the bathroom and showered away the gross, greasy feeling the diner always left on her then made her way up to confront Mark.

She walked into Mark and Roger's apartment freshly showered and looking to sit down and have a serious talk with her friend. She hoped that Roger was out so that she could get this over and done with.

"Mark!" She called as she waltzed in without knocking. "Oh!" She yelled, her eyes open wide in shock.

She watched as the two men who had just been making out pulled away and turned to look at her. Mark's face was bright red and the handsome brunette sitting next to him only stared.

"I am so sorry. I shouldn't have barged in…"

"Tess-"

"Mark." She was in a bit of shock.

The handsome brunette stood up and looked at Mark. "I should get going. I'll see you later?"

"No!" Tess broke in before Mark could respond. "Don't leave on account of me." She waved her arms at the man. "I'm the one who should leave. Look, I'm leaving. Pretend like I was never here." She turned to walk toward the door, but Mark took her hand and stopped her.

"Don't leave, Tess. Stay, meet Kevin. Kevin, this is my friend Tess."

She looked at Mark and when he nodded she smiled and extended her hand out to Kevin. "Nice to meet you. I'm sorry I barged in, I should have knocked."

"Tess, its okay," Mark reassured. Turning to Kevin he gave a shrug and a smile. "Her boyfriend lives here, my roommate, Roger."

Kevin nodded giving Mark a sympathetic look. Tess got the feeling that Kevin knew something about Roger that she didn't, and she felt a twinge of jealousy. Had Mark told Roger about Kevin? How come he hadn't told her? This was huge! Her thoughts were interrupted when Kevin told Mark that he really had to get going. He gave Mark an awkward hug and half waved at her then left the apartment.

As soon as the door shut Tess turned to Mark. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I only just found out."

"You only just found out?" Tess gave him an incredulous look.

"Okay, there was always an attraction, I just kind of pushed it away, you know?" Mark tried to explain himself in a way that she could understand, but it was difficult to do since he didn't quite understand it himself.

"No, I don't know. I mean, it's not like you wouldn't have support. Look at your friends. They're the most open minded, understanding people around."

Mark let out a deep sigh. "It's complicated, Tess."

"Don't give me that crap Mark, not you."

"But it is. This is the first time I've actually been physical with a guy and I have to wrap my head around it." He was beginning to get frustrated. This wasn't about acceptance; it was about his understanding of what was happening inside him.

She nodded even though she was confused.

"Tess, please don't tell anyone, especially Roger."

"Especially Roger what?"

Both Mark and Tess jumped at the sound of Roger's voice. Their reaction brought out an amused smirk from him as he walked in the door.

"You two look like you just ate the last chocolate chip cookie."

Mark shifted his weight from one foot to the other and looked down at the floor while Tess played nervously with her hair.

"What's going on guys?"

Realizing that their behavior was only making Roger suspicious, Tess walked over to him and hugged him. "Nothing, we were just talking." She kissed him allowing her hand to play with the hair at his nape as she pulled away from his mouth. "I missed you today."

"I missed you too." He pulled her in for another kiss then pulled away when he heard Mark scratch his throat. "We bothering you, Mark?"

"No, I just thought you might want to, I don't know, breathe?"

Tess laughed. "Sorry, Mark. We didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Roger, do you want to come downstairs? I'm sure Mark wants to work on his film or something, right Mark?"

"Yes, I do want to edit some stuff. Thanks, Tess." Mark gave her a thankful smile for the way she quickly changed the subject and distracted her boyfriend.

"Okay. It's always nice to have some alone time with my girl."

Tess took Roger's hand and led him toward the door. "We'll talk later, right Mark?"

"Yes later, for sure," he told her.

* * *

"What the hell was that about?" Roger asked as soon as they made it into her apartment.

Tess closed the door and turned to him, putting on her most innocent looking face. "What was what about?"

"I know I walked in on something Tess. Don't try and play coy."

She smiled at him and began removing his leather jacket then pushed him down on the couch. Sitting on his lap she said, "Oh, you know Mark. He's stressing about not having enough time to get his work done and do his personal filming. I was just talking him down from the ledge when you walked in." She kissed at his neck knowing that it would distract him from his interrogation.

"So why didn't he want me to know about it?" Roger leaned his head to the side allowing her more room for kissing.

"He doesn't want you to worry about him that's all. I didn't thank you properly for putting me to bed last night and leaving me pain killers for the morning's headache."

"I wouldn't worry. I have other things to think about, like how I'm going to make you thank me." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a deep kiss.

With the subject of Mark forgotten, they spent the rest of the night watching a movie and cuddling on the couch. Tess shook her head when he offered her a glass of wine.

"I am so all set with that."

"Aww, did you have a rough day of it?" He smiled as he mocked her.

"Yes. Why did you let me drink so much? I'm done. Taking a break for a while."

"I don't own you Tess, you can make your own decisions. I do agree that a break is a good idea. I don't like waking up with a hangover either and I have the last few nights. Let's just enjoy things soberly for now."

She nodded. "Okay. Let's find something else to watch." She cuddled further into him and missed the way he rolled his eyes.

He was so ready to take the next step with her but if she wasn't ready then he'd have to wait. He could be patient couldn't he?


	7. Chapter 7

**I've been on a writing frenzy this last week, maybe because I've been so excited to see new people following this story! Thanks for your reviews. Please keep them up, good or constructive, I appreciate them all. One thing though, please keep your comments directed at me. I do not tolerate flames so please let's all be nice to each other **

**Special thanks to notamarshmallowanymore for your thoughts and ideas. **

* * *

**Chapter 7**

A few days after she'd discovered him with Kevin, Mark sat next to Tess on the bench by the window in her apartment. They were enjoying their usual morning coffee. Something was bothering the usually perky girl, Mark could tell from her unusual silence and the way she furrowed her eyebrows every now and then.

"What's wrong, T?"

"Nothing. Why do you ask?"

"You haven't smiled once since I came in." He pointed at her frown for emphasis.

Tess shrugged. "I'm not a morning person."

"That's not true. The only time you're cranky in the morning is when you have a hangover, and I doubt you have one today because you said you stopped drinking. Unless you lied to me." He was trying to keep his tone light even though he was worried about her. Mark hoped she wasn't sick, she looked as though she hadn't slept very well.

She smiled. "I didn't lie. I have things on my mind that's all."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Have you seen much of Kevin lately?" She made a feeble attempt at distraction.

"Don't change the subject." Kevin was not something he was up for discussing at the moment.

They hadn't seen each other since she'd walked in on them together. The day after having been caught, Mark had told Kevin over the phone that he hadn't come out to his friends or family yet. They'd had an argument about it. Mark wasn't ready and Kevin didn't want to sneak around. He was openly gay and didn't want to feel as if he were Mark's dirty little secret.

Tess rolled her eyes and put her coffee down. "Okay, fine. I feel like Roger wants to get closer, you know, physically but I'm just not ready yet."

Marks eyebrows went up as he let out an embarrassed, "Oh." He wasn't keen on discussing his best friend's sex life.

Tess had already opened up, so she continued on oblivious to his reddening face. "I keep putting it off, and I think he might be starting to get annoyed."

Accepting defeat, Mark asked, "Why are you putting it off? Aren't you two doing well or do you feel like it's too soon?"

"There's so much I haven't told him. I don't want to jump in without looking. That's gotten me into enough trouble already. Not to mention he keeps freaking out and running."

"You should talk to him. You have to be honest. He doesn't like being lied to. No one does." Mark shook his head knowing that he should take his own advice in respect to his friends. But he wasn't really lying to them was he? He was just withholding information and that was not lying.

"I know, it's just, I'm scared he'll run away and things are going so well. I might fuck it up, I'm so good at that. I tend to mess things up for myself a lot."

"Don't be scared, Tess. Yes, Roger tends to run away from his problems, but I don't think he's going to do that with you. Every time I see him when he doesn't know I'm looking, he has a stupid grin on his face. I don't think your past is going to be an issue for him. I didn't run away when you told me some of the things you've been through did I? Besides, his past isn't great either."

"Yeah, I guess you're right but you guys are completely different when it comes to stuff like that. You're a supportive friend. Roger, well he's supportive but only after he runs away for a while. I make him get a stupid grin?" A smile appeared on her face as she finally realized what Mark had just said.

"Yeah. So what are you doing to him? I don't think I've ever seen Roger express anything but angst. I might even dare to say he's been happy."

Tess shrugged and smiled. "Guess he has reason to be in a good mood."

"Yeah, a wild haired little girl with strong feminine wiles. Don't worry so much T, open up to him. It will all work out, trust me." He placed his hand under her chin and smiled at her, feeling grateful for the difference she was making in his best friend's life.

Just then Roger walked in the door and saw the image of his best friend touching his girlfriend intimately. "What's going on?" he asked, his voice tinged with anger.

Tess turned to see him, and smiling brilliantly stood up to give him a hug. "Roger, hi. You're up early. We were just having some coffee. Come, sit and join us."

Roger nodded but continued to glare at Mark who became increasingly uncomfortable at the situation.

"Um, I'm actually going to go and get some filming done. It looks like a beautiful morning out there." Mark stood up, nodded at Roger and waved at Tess before practically running out the door.

"What was that about?" Tess wondered out loud.

"I don't like the way he was looking at you."

"What? Roger, Mark's-" Tess abruptly stopped herself before she said too much.

"Mark's what Tess?" Roger had a feeling the two were keeping something from him and this pushed his suspicions further.

"My friend. Not interested in me like that so chill."

"Chill? I walk in on my best friend holding my girlfriend a little too close, and I'm supposed to chill?" He was pacing back and forth now, his hands balled into fists. He had seen how close the two had become and didn't like the way he felt left out when they were together.

She walked to him and placing her hand on his shoulder said, "Mark's the closest friend I've ever had, that's all. He has no interest in me in that way, in fact he was just telling me how happy he is that we're together. I was telling him about the stupid grin that comes across my face every time I think about you or hear your name."

Now he had her wrapped in his arms. "Really?" He whispered in her ear.

She played with his shirt collar as she looked at him and nodded. He captured her mouth in his and kissed her with intensity, his hands roaming to her hips and gripping her against him. She pulled away and caught her breath.

"Roger,"

"Yeah?" His hands moved further south and landed on her bottom. "Love these pants on you. So tight, and short."

"What are you doing down here?" Taking his hands off of her ass and holding them in her own, she gave him her brightest smile in hopes that he wouldn't notice what she was doing.

"I came to see you. What else would I be doing?" He frowned at her but played along.

"I don't know. Just seems kind of early for you." She had suspicions that he'd woken up, found the apartment empty, and come downstairs to check on her and Mark.

He took a step back. "Tess, I just wanted to see you."

Feeling guilty, she gave him a kiss on the mouth. "I'm so honored you woke up before mid- afternoon to come see me. I like it."

He smiled. "Well, you're worth it. Glad I caught you in your sleep clothes."

She was wearing boxer shorts and a tank top, nothing special but her nipples poked right through the thin material of her shirt and her legs looked hot in those shorts, she knew she was driving him mad. In her defense, she hadn't been expecting him until after 1 PM as that was his usual visiting time just after rolling out of bed.

"I'm going to go shower, then we can do something. We can have the whole day to ourselves." She leaned in for a quick peck on his lips then ran into the bathroom before he had another chance to touch her.

* * *

Later that night, after they'd gone out and walked around New York and spent some time at the park, Roger leaned Tess against her front door and kissed her heatedly. Pulling away from her he whispered, "Come upstairs with me, babe. I promise you won't regret it."

Tess gave him a dreamy look then turned serious, pulling away emotionally before she went too far. "Rog, I can't. I'm not ready."

She placed her hands on his chest and pushed away as she straightened up.

Roger sighed. "Okay, I can respect that."

But he had been denied one too many times and with each rejection he got a stronger feeling that it was more than her not being ready. "What's going on Tess?"

"Nothing. I'm just not ready."

"Bullshit."

"What?"

"I know it's more than that." He sounded angry but his eyes were tender as he looked at her.

She shook her head at him. Roger took her face in his hands and made her look at him. "Tess, be honest. Please? I know something's bothering you."

She took his hands and put them back down on his side. "It's my turn to be scared."

"Why? Okay, stupid question. Yes, I've been an ass and I know I've given you every reason to be scared but… well, I thought we'd moved on from that."

Tess turned toward her door then looked back at him. "Do you want to come in? Just to talk."

He nodded and followed her inside sitting on the couch watching her pace back and forth, wringing her hands. He allowed her to work through her anxiety for a bit and was about to say something when she finally turned to look at him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews! They make me so happy. Please keep them up. Tell me what you like, what you don't like - give me your thoughts and ideas. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Tess reveals ****her back story. **

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**Chapter 8**

"I have a past." How could she explain this to him without making him run again?

"We all do."

"No. I mean, yes, but mine is complicated. I've been living on my own since I was sixteen."

"I already know all that stuff Tess, it doesn't bother me," he assured her.

"You don't know how I ended up on the street or how I ended up an addict or how I paid for my drugs." She ran her hands through her hair, making it wilder than it already was and looked at him, her eyes full of anxiety.

"No. I don't."

"Don't you think these are things we should talk about before we go jumping into bed with each other?" She leaned her head to the side in an inquiring way.

"Yes." Roger felt silly for letting his hormones take hold of him the way they had. She was right. They were both carrying a terminal disease, it was imperative that they discuss their past before becoming any more intimate than they already were. "You're right. We should definitely have a talk first."

"It's not going to be nice." She walked over to the couch and sat next to him crossing her legs in the process.

"Go ahead and spill, I already told you about Mimi and you haven't told me anything." Tess rolled her eyes at Roger's laugh.

"Okay. I have shitty parents. My dad was never home and my mom liked the bars a lot, so I was often left to my own devices. I would say I've been taking care of myself since I was about eleven. She'd come home drunk if she came home at all, and they'd fight. You know, scream and yell- the usual. Anyway, when I was fourteen I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I was tired of the bullshit at home and just stopped hanging out there. I'd sleep over with friends, sneak out, anything to avoid the fucked upedness of my parents."

"Fucked upedness?" Roger asked with a lifted eyebrow.

Tess smiled at him. "Yes, it's a word. Anyway, I got involved with this guy and he seemed really nice and we started experimenting with drugs. First it was weed, but that wasn't enough because we wanted to be tough guys, you know? Were born to be wild." She paused, let out a breath and put her head in her hands.

Roger knew it must be hard for her to talk to him; he wasn't looking forward to sharing his story with her either. He put his hand on her back and started rubbing circles. "You okay?"

She nodded, looked at him, and continued. "So we decided to try heroin. It was great, the best feeling in the world. At first, we only used a little here and there, but eventually I was stealing money from my parents just so I could score us a hit."

"Sounds familiar." Roger wanted her to know he'd been through this too; she shouldn't worry about telling him anything.

"So, long story short, my parents caught me shooting up. They were angry and I was shocked to find out they even gave a shit. Turns out they only cared because they found out where their money had been disappearing to. They kicked me out. I haven't seen or heard from them since. I moved in with Scott, the guy I was with at the time, and we continued our happy life as addicts. After a while I noticed I wasn't feeling right, I was sick all the time, I couldn't shake off a simple cold so Scott took me to the clinic. He said that with the way we were living, it would be a good idea to get tested. Sometime later I found out about the HIV. Scott was furious, he kicked me out and called me a dirty whore, it didn't occur to him that I could've gotten it from the needles. I was so shocked, he'd seemed so supportive at first." She stopped, breathed in and gathered her thoughts. "He was my first, you know."

Roger placed his hand over hers. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me anymore if you don't want to."

"I have to." She looked at him, her eyes full of unshed tears. "This is the worst part. Don't hate me okay?"

He hugged her. "Never, Tess don't worry. I know it was hard for you."

She nodded, wiped her eyes and continued. "So I ended up in Tent City where I met my dealer. As soon as he realized I couldn't pay for what I wanted with money, we came to an understanding…" She felt Roger's hold on her tighten. "I moved in with him and did what I had to do to get my fix. Sometimes he saw me with someone else, or he would just be in a bad mood and so he'd take it out on me. You have to know, he was never forceful when we… I didn't have feelings for him, so it wasn't nice either but… it was never against my will and he never hurt me when we did that. At that point I'd do anything to get high."

"I am so sorry, Tess," he whispered.

"Yeah well, I made my bed." She laughed out bitterly. "So I lived like that for what seemed like forever. The days started running into each other after a while. Then one day Mark came along with his camera, and he saw me shooting up in some corner. He walked up to me and asked if I would mind if he interviewed me for some documentary. I was so lonely by then that I said yes. It was nice having him around, his interviews broke my day up and I wasn't as miserable anymore. Of course when _he _found out he kicked the shit out of me. That's when I decided to take Mark up on his offer and come here."

Turning her palm up, she tightened her grip on his hand. "So see, he's not that bad. He's a good friend. If it hadn't been for Mark I'd still be whoring myself out or maybe even dead."

"Don't talk like that. You did what you had to do."

Tess only nodded. "So, do you still want to be with me?"

"Do you even have to ask?" He smiled, kissed her cheek and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry for being such an ass."

She shook her head. "You didn't know. But Roger, Mark and I are just friends."

"I know."

"So don't be jealous."

He leaned into her and kissed her. The kiss became heated and she allowed him to lean her back onto the couch as his hands moved under her shirt and over her stomach. She found her hands moving of their own accord as they roved up and down his back then moved to pull the hem of his shirt over his head. Roger pulled away smiling as he threw the t-shirt across the room then leaned back into her mouth. Her eyes were closed and his hand was over her bra when she felt a sudden flash of panic and the need to push him back up.

"What's wrong?" He placed his hands on her shoulders and looked at her with concern.

"Roger, I'm not Mimi."

"What? I know that Tess. What's going on?" He seemed frustrated as he put his hands down and shifted so that his legs were now on the floor.

"Do you? I mean, you're not trying to replace her with me are you? I want to be sure you've let her go before we…"

"Tess, this sounds a little insane."

"No, not really. You have to understand, we have a lot in common, she and I and I just want to make sure that-"

"That we don't do this." His voice was hard and he wouldn't look at her.

"What? Roger, no that's not it. I just don't want to be your rebound."

"You're not and you know it. What's going on here Tess? What are you hiding?" He stood up and faced her.

"Nothing. I just want to be sure about this, about us." She looked up at him, hoping that he'd understand.

"Bullshit, Tess. You don't want to sleep with me. You're scared and you're looking for ways to get out of it. I think you just want to end this thing between us and go hide in your best friend's arms."

"What are you talking about? I do want us to be together, I just want it to be for the right reasons. Don't bring Mark into this, Roger, we just talked about it."

"I know I fucked up with you Tess, more than once. But at least I'm willing to admit it and I'm trying to make up for it. You keep hiding behind your friendship with him." He waved his finger between her and the door.

She got up from the couch and stood eye to eye with him. "What are you saying Roger?"

"I'm saying I'm not stupid, Tess. There's something going on between you two. I know you guys are keeping something from me, a guy and a girl don't get as close as you two without there being something more going on."

"He is my friend. I am not going to tell you again. Maybe you should start trusting people a little and then you wouldn't be so fucked up Roger!"

He looked at her for a moment; his face serious, then he ran his hand through his hair and turned to pick his shirt up off the floor.

"Roger, stop. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." She reached out to stop him, but he ignored her and put his shirt and jacket on.

"I need to get some air. I'll see you."

"Roger, wait!" But he was gone, making sure to slam the door behind him.

Tess flopped down on the couch, putting her head in her hands she let out the sobs she'd been holding since the fight had started. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just let things be. She always had to overanalyze everything and was she really all that worried about him using her to get over Mimi? This had always been the way for her, to sabotage herself in order not to be happy. What was so scary about being happy anyway?

Standing up, she walked over to the door. She couldn't sit on her ass and bring herself down. She had to do something, talk to someone. She had to get out of the apartment.

* * *

Mark walked over to the incessant knocking on the door and opened it to a miserable looking Tess on the other side. Her hair was standing every which way and her eyes were red from crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm a fuck-up, that's what's wrong."

"What are you talking about?" He took her hand and dragged her in. "Here, sit down."

She took a seat on the couch and looked up at him. "I fucked up."

"So you said. Care to elaborate?"

She shrugged but continued talking while looking at him through tear stained eyes. "Roger and I, we were about to get intimate, and I panicked and pushed him away. I started a fight."

Mark had a feeling he knew what was coming, but he had to ask. "About what?"

"I told him I couldn't be Mimi."

"Tess!" He knew she'd do it. Hadn't she told him she had a tendency to sabotage herself? "You know he's not looking for that. He's over her, you know that!"

"I know! But I freaked out. I panicked. It was my only out." Tess was practically in hysterics as she talked to him.

"So what'd he say?"

"He called me out on it. Said I was just trying to get out of being with him, that I'm just running scared. He says he knows he's fucked up but what I'm doing to him isn't any better. I think he thinks I'm cheating."

"What?" Mark was dumbfounded. "With who?"

Tess gave him a pointed look. Mark deflated, his body slumping down on the couch next to her. "You're serious?"

"He said he's not stupid and he knows we've been keeping something from him. He said we're too close, that friends don't act the way we do around each other." She had calmed down by now but the tears continued to flow down her face.

"Tess-"

"What do I do? I love him."

"Oh, Tess." Mark pulled her into a hug when he heard her admission. "It's going to be okay. Things are going to work out. You'll see."

Roger chose that very moment to walk into the apartment. "What the fuck?"

Tess jumped up from the couch and ran over to him. "Roger-"

"I don't want to do this right now," he told her. "Please go."

"But Rog-"

Roger looked at her and seeing her tears took pity and said, "Please Tess, just go, okay?"

She nodded, looked at Mark who mouthed "It'll be okay" to her and walked away. As soon as he heard the door shut Roger turned to Mark.

"We need to talk about what just happened." Mark was going to try and handle this thing maturely. The two of them needed to hash some things out.

"You want to talk about this Mark? Fine, let's talk about it. How come you know so much about Tess?"

"What?" Mark was honestly confused; this wasn't where he thought the conversation was headed.

"You said you didn't know her that well, but she told me all about how you guys met. She told me about your interviews with her and how you filmed her for your documentary." Roger pointed his finger at Mark accusingly. "She's not some statistic Mark! She's a person. That wasn't a good time in her life and you had no right to exploit her."

Mark didn't know how to respond. He hadn't thought about it that way. She'd never mentioned anything about it bothering her.

"Why did you lie about it?"

"Because the whole thing was too much like Mimi, their lives are too similar. I didn't want to open old wounds." Mark looked down at the floor feeling too ashamed to make eye contact.

"I'm a grown man, I can handle shit like that. I think I've proven that enough times by now Mark. Is that why you two are keeping secrets?"

Mark's head shot up. "What?"

Roger laughed bitterly. "Come on, it's obvious. The whispering, the jumping every time I walk in on you. You'd rather confide in each other instead of me. That's fucked up. I'm your friend Mark, she's my girlfriend. If you have issues with me then you should take them up with me not go running to her."

"It's not all about you Roger!" Mark was so angry he had to clench his fists. "The world does not revolve around you and your needs."

"I know that!"

" No, you don't cause if you did you'd take your head out of your ass and see things. Tess is scared. She's afraid to be happy with you because she doesn't think she deserves it, she's never been truly happy before and you don't see that. You make it about you, and then you run away. Some things never change do they?"

"What's going on between you two?"

"Seriously?" Mark rolled his eyes. It was just like Roger to ignore what was right in front of his face and blame everyone else for his problems.

"You heard me. What's going on?"

"Are you serious? She's my friend Roger, that's all."

"How come I haven't seen you even glance at a girl since Tess came into our lives? What's going on Mark? I deserve to know."

"I'm gay! That's what's going on, I'm fucking gay," Mark screamed at his friend, his face bright red with anger feeling hurt that he would ever doubt their friendship. "I like guys. Don't worry, there's no risk of me taking your girlfriend away."

Roger stood there and stared at him in silence. Then finally, the words came to him, "Mark, I didn't know. I'm-"

"Save it. Just go. Apologize to Tess, tell her you're sorry for being an asshole."

"Mark-"

"I said go! Before you lose her."

Realizing that his friend needed time, Roger nodded, turned and left without another word. Mark sat on the couch. "Well at least that secret's out."


	9. Chapter 9

******I was given some great constructive criticism about a song quote I used in the chapter and so I have adjusted the quote accordingly. I think it sounds much better with a bit of editing. Thank-you Gasell!**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

She wasn't in her apartment. Roger decided to take a walk around and look for her. He was still reeling over Mark's admission. He couldn't believe it, not that Mark was gay, that was believable, especially if he sat down and thought about all of the clues he'd given him. He couldn't believe he'd been such an ass to think his best friend would betray him, or that Tess would, for that matter. Mark had been right, he was way too self-involved.

He walked around for what seemed like an hour and found nothing. It was dusk now, and there was still no sign of her. Finally, he gave up and decided to go see if she'd gone back to her apartment. Just when he was turning back he saw Tent City. Thinking that she might have gone back there, he decided to look for her. He found her talking to an older man in front of a fire lit trash can. The man sported a white beard and a black beanie on his head. He leaned toward her as he spoke, all the while rubbing his hands together over the flame. Roger felt his heart plunge to his stomach because he knew damn well what they were discussing. He ran over to her, and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her away from the man.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing!" She pulled her arm away from him. "Talking to an old friend."

"You don't need old friends, Tess. Come home with me, please. We need to talk."

The man walked over to them and wrapped a protective arm around her. "Is everything okay here?"

Tess looked up at him and nodded. "Yeah, Ray. Just boyfriend trouble, I'll be fine."

"Okay." He leant over and gave her a kiss on the cheek, "Come back and see me soon, girlie. Don't let so much time pass by."

She smiled up at him. "I will, I promise."

"Listen to this boy, Tess, seems like he cares. I thought he was going to punch me for a minute there."

"Sorry about that," Roger said, "I got the wrong impression."

The man smiled. "No worries. Easy to happen here. Take care of this girl, she's a jewel."

"I will." Roger nodded and watched as the man walked away.

"Ray took care of me when I lived here." Tess offered as explanation.

"I'm sorry, I thought-"

"I know what you thought. I didn't and I wouldn't." She placed her arms on her waist. "You hate it when Mark does it- when he just assumes that you would."

"I know, I really am sorry." Roger was beginning to think his apologies were getting old.

"I guess this is what comes of being an addict. People will always doubt you."

Roger felt even worse when he saw the slight quiver of her lower lip. "Yeah, but I shouldn't. I know you and I trust you. Mark shouldn't do it to me either, not when we all trust each other."

"Do we though? All trust each other?"

Roger looked down at his feet.

"It's not just you." She lifted his chin up to look at her. "Me, Mark, the three of us, we all kept secrets from each other." She shivered and wrapped her flimsy sweater around herself.

"I hate the fall." He leaned into her and rubbed her arms to make her warm. _How did the time go by so fast?_ How had he let himself get in his own way again?

"Here," he said, taking her hand in his, "let's talk at home. It's chilly out here."

She smiled at him and took his hand. "Okay."

He was surprised when she kept her hand in his all the way back to her apartment. Once inside, she let go and went in search of a warmer sweater. She walked out of her room and sat next to him on the couch where he was waiting for her.

"I'm sorry," he told her. "I've been an asshole of immense proportions."

"I'm sorry too. You weren't the only one in the wrong. Roger, I should have been more open with you, I should have told you I was scared, am scared. It wasn't right of me to go running to Mark."

"What are you scared of, Tess?" He pulled her into him so he could make eye contact.

"This," she answered, "us."

"Why?" His face came closer, his nose almost touching hers.

"Because it feels so good, I'm not used to that. Things have never gone well for me."

He placed his hand on her cheek, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "They don't usually go well for me either. Know what I think?"

"What?" She asked in a whisper as she leaned her forehead on his.

"I think we should both stop running away. Its time I started listening to my friends anyway."

"Okay." She nodded and placed a gentle kiss on his mouth.

"Okay," he agreed then deepened their kiss by capturing her lips with his and coercing her mouth open with gentle laps of his tongue across her bottom lip.

"I love you," she whispered.

He pulled away and looked at her. "What's this?"

"It's me, being honest and not running away."

He was overwhelmed by the determination in her eyes; fighting his gut instinct to look away he maintained eye contact. "I like it. You, being honest. You're incredible, Tess."

He couldn't return the sentiment. He was falling, he knew that, but he wasn't ready to tell her yet. She didn't seem to mind. He suspected she was happy enough with letting him know how she felt.

"It's okay." Her voice interrupted his thoughts.

"What?"

"It's okay that you don't say it back."

"Tess," he was ready to apologize and explain things to her.

"It's too soon for you. I'm okay with that. I just wanted you to know what I feel for you. I can wait until you're ready Roger, don't feel badly, okay?"

Shocked as ever by her intuition, he nodded.

"We should go talk to Mark, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I really fucked up with him. I hope he can forgive me."

"Mark loves you, Roger. What you guys have is beyond friendship. I know he's hurt, but I think he can forgive you." She placed her hand over his as she spoke in an attempt to comfort him.

"I hope so."

She stood up from the couch and smiled down at him. "I know so. Come on, let's go."

* * *

Mark sat on the couch in his apartment, alone. Nowhere. He should have felt great about having come out to Roger, but he didn't. It wasn't that he felt badly about admitting the truth, it was the way in which he'd done it. It wasn't the best timing, or his best moment. He wondered if Roger had found Tess and if they had made up. He hoped so, it didn't matter how angry he was at his friend right now, he knew that Tess was the best thing to come into his life after he'd mourned Mimi for so long. Roger had handled things better after her loss than after April's death, that's for sure, but all of the losses he'd had were slowly breaking him. Tess brought happiness with her wherever she went. She had that radiant smile that seemed to be contagious and it was her way of seeing the positive in any situation that was so good for Roger. He hoped they could get through this and make up. His thoughts were interrupted when the door slid open.

"Mark, you here? Can we come in?" Tess poked her head in, an expression of worry on her face.

Mark stood from the couch and walked over to her. "Yeah, come in. Did Roger find you? Oh." Mark came to a halt when he saw Roger trail in behind Tess, his hand held firmly in hers.

"Yeah, I found her." He looked at his feet, and this annoyed Mark. Why couldn't he face his problems head on for once?

"We had a talk." Tess however had no problem looking right into his eyes, letting him read her silent plea for him to forgive his roommate.

Finally looking up at him Roger said, "We owe you an apology. I owe you an apology."

"Roger-"

"Just let me finish, Mark." He put his hand up to quiet him. "Look, I was a complete ass. No surprise there huh?" Mark smiled and was relieved to see his friend's shoulders relax at his reaction. "I accused you of something ridiculous. You're my best friend and I trust you completely. I was wrong to think you were having something with Tess. I'm sorry, I was jealous of how close you guys are." Roger turned to look at Tess. "I want that with her."

"I didn't know that's what was bothering you. I'm sorry Rog, I didn't realize. I've never had a close friend before and I guess I didn't notice how I was making you feel."

"I'm sorry too." Mark walked over to the couple. "I was trying to protect you from getting hurt Roger, and in doing that I broke your trust."

"You try to take care of everyone so much that you lose yourself." Tess took his hand looking up at Roger to see if it was okay. He nodded. "You forget to take care of yourself. You never tell us how you feel or if something is bothering you."

Mark nodded. "I know."

"About that…" Roger looked at Tess then back at Mark.

"I'm sorry for keeping secrets. But it wasn't mine to tell. I only found out about it by accident."

"I should have said something sooner," Mark interrupted. "I just wasn't ready. I only just came out to myself recently."

"Came out to yourself?" Tess raised an eyebrow at him.

"You know what I mean. I've always been gay, but I didn't acknowledge it, just kind of buried those feelings in the back of my mind. The point is I went about it the wrong way and I'm sorry."

"You're entitled to deal with your stuff on your own terms Mark. That's fine, there's no need to apologize as long as you told me when you were ready. You know it doesn't change anything right?"

Mark knew he'd understand. Roger knew more than anyone about having to deal with problems on your own. "Of course I was going to tell you. I know this doesn't make a difference to you guys. That was never a worry for me."

Tess clapped her hands together. "Well, are we all made up now?"

Roger and Mark smiled. "Yes."

"Good. Then let's eat. I'm starved." Her smile was brilliant, and she looked so happy that Roger couldn't help but lean in and kiss her.

"What was that for?"

"That was thanks."

"For what?"

"For showing up on the front door of our apartment." Roger threw his arm around her. "So, to the_ Life Café_?"

"Of course!"

The couple made their way back to the front door. "You coming Mark?" Tess looked back at him and saw that he was still standing in the same spot.

"Yeah, there's just something I have to do. I'll meet you guys there."

* * *

Roger walked with Tess, her arm linked through his, her head resting on his shoulder.  
"What do you think he's doing?"

He shrugged.

"Do you think we should have stayed with him?" Tess looked up at him her brows knit with worry, her eyes large and questioning.

Roger shook his head. "He's fine. I think he just needs some time alone." He watched her nod but noticed that her expression didn't change. "Hey," he elbowed her side, "he's fine. Stop worrying."

"No. You're right. He's fine." She leaned her head back onto his shoulder and continued walking.

"Mark hides in his work.

"From what?" Tess looked back up at him, looking confused.

"From emotion, from facing his failure and facing his loneliness. Haven't you noticed? The way he's always taking care of others, worrying about them- it's how he avoids having to deal with his own stuff."

She thought about the way he'd avoided talking about Kevin by bringing up her issues with Roger instead. "Maybe you're right. Or maybe he stayed behind so he could get a handle on things. Figure out how he feels about what just happened. Maybe he's turned a new leaf." She smiled at him, her face full of hope.

"Maybe." He wanted to believe it too, but he knew how hard it was for a person to change old habits. After all, hadn't he run from her twice after having been sure he'd learned to face his problems head on? Somehow he knew Mark was sitting at home going through his film, trying to forget about having come out to his friends.

They arrived at the café to find Maureen, Joanne and Collins seated at some tables they'd pushed together.

"Hey guys!" Joanne waved from the tables. "Collins just got off the phone with Mark, he said you were on your way here. Pull up some chairs, sit down!"

Roger and Tess joined the group and settled in for a fun evening. They drank and laughed and had a great time, until it go late enough that they were once again asked to leave. On their walk home Tess leaned her body on Roger as they both stumbled through the street.

"I drank too much. Damn it! I was doing so well."

Roger kissed her forehead. "We had reason to celebrate. We can start not drinking again tomorrow."

"You're so smart." Tess patted his arm. "I'm worried about Mark though. Why didn't he come? What could have kept him?"

"We could ask him when we get home."

She shook her head. "Noo. I want to be completely sober for that conversation."

Roger nodded again. They walked the rest of the way in silence, holding each other's hands. They stopped when they reached her door. She placed her hand on the side of his face and he leaned into it, knowing what she was about to say.

"Good night, Roger."

He nodded and pulled her in for a kiss. "Good night, Tess. Sleep well."

He walked away, holding on to her hand until he was forced to let go.

"I love you," she called out.

He turned and smiled at her but didn't answer as he silently made his way up the stairs toward his apartment and a conversation with Mark.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank-you for the reviews! I love that you are all following this story and keeping up with it. It makes me so happy! Your thoughts keep my muse happy and writing. Keep reviewing and let me know how you feel about this chapter. Thank-you to Notamarshmallowanymore for keeping me in check when it comes to Tess.**

**Chapter 10**

Mark wasn't home. Roger walked in, called out his name and even walked into his room. There was no sign of Mark in the apartment. His room was empty, the bed still unmade and the window left open. Walking back into the living room Roger saw rolls of film had been left all over the table. "Figures" Roger said to himself as he lifted one of the strips and put it down again. Roger shrugged, he'd see him the next day, they'd talk then. He noticed something on the table just before he turned away, a film case with the name "TESS" written on it in bold letters. He saw that Mark had left the film in the camera, and that the projector was still set up so he decided to watch.

He didn't like what he saw. Mark was interviewing Tess, she was sitting on the sidewalk wearing the same ripped up jeans and tank top she'd shown up at their apartment in. Her hair was a mess, hanging limply around her head it looked as if it hadn't been washed in weeks. Her eyes were glazed over and she looked tired and weary. It hurt him to see how thin she was; the way her clavicles jutted out made her look sick. She had her arms wrapped around herself, he knew what she was covering up. He had to cover his mouth when Mark closed up on her face. Her left eye was bruised and she had small cuts on the side of her face. _That asshole!_ He promised himself that if he ever saw the son of a bitch that had done this to her he would make him pay. She had a smile on her face though, and she seemed happy to be talking to Mark. She stood up suddenly and walked over to him, for a minute all he could see was her shirt and a lot of shaking from the camera, she was trying to take it from him. She must have won out because now it was Mark who was being interviewed. He smiled shyly and tried to wave her away but she wouldn't stop filming him. Then they were both standing next to each other as someone else filmed them, it was Ray, the man who'd taken care of her and helped her when they'd last fought. Roger couldn't quite believe that Mark had let someone else take the camera. Tess leant her head on his shoulder and continued smiling that brilliant smile of hers as Mark wrapped his arm around her waist. She was happy. Even then when she had been beaten down God knows how many times a week, and was dependent on drugs to keep her going, she still had moments of happiness and Mark had given them to her. He wasn't jealous now. Not anymore. He was thankful because Mark had brought her to him and she was the best thing he had in his life.

His roommate found him asleep on the couch the next morning.

"Roger, Rog, wake up." Mark shook his shoulder and laughed when he mumbled out Tess' name.

Roger opened his eyes and saw Mark's bespectacled blue eyes looking down at him. Giving a little jump and rubbing his eyes he said, "Mark, what are you doing here?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing." He looked up at the screen and seeing Tess' face he gave a nod. "Never mind, I see you found my Tess films."

"You really made her happy. I should thank you for that. She was really miserable there."

Mark shrugged; he didn't feel comfortable taking credit for things. "She was lonely. I felt badly for her and wanted to help."

Roger stood up and slapped him on the shoulder. "You were just what she needed. Thanks for that, and for bringing her here."

"Yeah, well-"

"Where were you last night?"

Mark shrugged. "Out filming."

"Why didn't you meet us out?"

"I wanted to get this done. I couldn't put if off any longer."

Roger nodded his head. "Of course." The sarcasm in his voice was hard to ignore.

Mark thought about saying something then changed his mind. He didn't want to argue, not today, they'd done enough of that already.

Completely out of the blue Roger said, "Tess told me she loves me." This was more important than calling Mark out on his avoidance…again. He needed feedback.

Mark's eyes widened in surprise. He hadn't expected her to tell him. "Oh? How do you feel about her?"

Roger shrugged. "I like her. A lot. But love's a big deal you know? I'm not ready for that."

"You're not ready or you're scared?"

"Don't start that shit again Mark."

Mark took a step back. "Alright, alright, it's just something to think about." He turned to go to his room but Roger called after him.

"How often did he beat her up?" Mark raised his eyebrows and Roger elaborated. "In one of your interviews, her face is bruised and cut up. How often did she look like that? Why didn't you do something about it sooner?"

"Not too much at first. Toward the end, before she moved here, it was happening a lot. That's when I told her to come by. I had to be careful Roger, she was heavy into drugs and I couldn't bring her here with that stuff around."

"I know. I just wish, I wish I could've stopped it from ever happening." He looked down at his feet, afraid to let Mark see him vulnerable.

"Me too." He took a step toward his friend. "Roger, if you love her don't be afraid to tell her. Don't make the same mistake again. You know life's too short to play games."

"You know I'll fuck things up Mark. Then she'll wish we'd never met."

Mark rolled his eyes. "You won't fuck up, Rog."

"I already have! Twice !"

"Okay, you did. You just had to get it out of your system. Now you're done. Look, I'm not telling you to tell her right this second, I'm just telling you not to wait forever because you don't have forever and neither does she."

"Neither do you." Roger mumbled.

"What?"

"Being gay, it's okay. There's nothing wrong with it. I don't care who you date or fall in love with and I guarantee that no one else will either. So don't make so much out of it okay? Just let yourself be happy." Roger moved toward him and gave him a slap on the back. "Think about it. I'm going to go find my girl now."

Roger walked out and Mark was left staring at the door and wondering when it was that Roger had become the one to give out advice.

Tess was making her way up the stairs just as Roger made it to her floor. "I was just coming up to see Mark."

"Oh?" He took her hand and gave it a kiss. "I was just coming down to see you."

She smiled. "That's sweet but-"

"I know." He wasn't mad; he understood why she needed to talk to Mark. Maybe she'd get more answers from him than he had. "I'll go get us some breakfast. How's that sound?"

She leaned into him and kissed him, reluctantly pulling away when she felt him pulling her in closer. "That sounds great," she said ignoring his protesting groan.

"Go." He knew this was a losing battle.

She smiled at him. "I'll see you soon." She gave a little wave as she skipped up the stairs toward he and Mark's apartment.

The door was slightly ajar but she knocked on it anyway. "Mark? Are you decent?" She knew he was, Roger had just been up there.

"Come in, Tess." He had a smile on his face. He knew she was teasing because of what had happened the last time she'd barged in. She walked in and returned his smile, her hands on her hips.

"Think you're funny don't you?" he asked.

"Yes, I do." She ducked her head and slapped his hand away when he tried to ruffle the hair at the top of her head. "But seriously, Mark. We need to have a talk. Where were you last night? Why didn't you meet us like you said you would?"

He shrugged. Tess rolled her eyes, when would these men learn to communicate? "What were you doing?"

"I went through my reels, then I went out and filmed some more."

"Mark, we need to talk. You can't keep doing this."

"This? What's this? What am I doing?" He looked everywhere but at her. He knew what was coming, how could he not, she'd been hanging out with Roger for the better part of a year. He was bound to rub off on her.

"Hiding. Avoiding. Why didn't you come out last night? What's going on? Why haven't you told me anything more about you and Kevin?"

Mark rolled his eyes. "Look Tess, I know this is Roger talking- not you. Just please drop it okay? I'm not in the mood to be analyzed right now."

"Mark." She walked up to him and took his hands in hers. "Come on, it's me. Let me in. Tell me what's going on."

Realizing she wasn't going to quit, Mark walked over to the window and sat down. "He doesn't want to be with me unless I come out. He doesn't want to be my 'little secret'." Mark held his fingers up in mock quotation.

"Well, how does that make you feel?" She walked over and sat next to him, pushing him to the side in the process.

"See? This is exactly what I was trying to avoid. Being psychoanalyzed."

She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Come on, Marky."

"Marky! You don't ever call me Marky."

"What? I think it's cute and endearing." He gave her a death glare. "Okay, okay, Mark. Do you like Kevin, I mean _really _like him. Do you see yourself having a future with him or is this more of an experimentation thing?"

"Tess." It came out as a wine and that made him upset because he really didn't want to be a whiner.

"You have to stop hiding. I see what you're doing. You're denying emotion and do you know where that's going to leave you?"

"Don't." He knew damn well where he was going to end up.

"Alone. You have to start living for yourself. I think it's great that you take care of everyone. I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you, but you can take care of yourself too. We're not all going to be here forever and eventually you're going to run out of people to distract yourself with."

His eyes were teary. How did she know exactly what he was afraid of? She was so intuitive. "Call him, Mark. Really think about it first. If you realize that this is someone you want to pursue a future with, forget about us for a minute and call him. You deserve to be happy too. Stop feeling guilty about not being sick."

His eyes widened. "I don't-"

"Yes, you do. It's not a bad thing, I know how you feel. You don't think you have a right to a future of your own because me, Collins and Roger don't have one. Guess what though? You do, so hurry up and get it before it's too late."

Mark nodded and hugged her. "You're great you know that?"

She shrugged. "It's a gift. We're not done talking yet mister. There's the matter of a certain someone's belongings we need to talk about. Why didn't you tell me they were Mimi's?"

"That wasn't for me to tell. Roger hadn't told you about her yet."

"Okay, I get it but-"she pounded her fists on the seat and shook her hair in frustration. "Damn it you're right! I can't be mad at you, you were being a good friend. How do I tell Roger about it though?"

"You haven't said anything?" He raised his eyebrow.

"When was I supposed to do that? While we were making up? I didn't want to start another fight."

"But he told you about her and you still didn't tell him that her stuff was still there when you moved in? That was your perfect opportunity. Where did you end up putting them anyway?"

"In the basement. I know that's when I should have told him but I didn't and now I'm screwed."

"At least you still have it. Look, obviously Roger's very sensitive about this kind of stuff and as much as he likes to pretend he's a tough guy, it's going to hurt him to know her stuff's still here. The best way to do this is by telling him as soon as you see him. Stop avoiding it 'cause the longer you wait, the worse it'll be."

"I hate you, Mark Cohen. Why are you always right?"

Mark was about to answer when Maureen barged into the apartment. "Guess who I just bumped into? Kevin Jones. We have some things to talk about Marky now don't we?"

Taking this intrusion as her cue to leave, Tess stood up and gave Mark an apologetic look. She knew this was not something he was ready to talk about. "Thanks for the talk Mark. Remember what I said. Think about it."

"You think about what I said too."

He hugged her and smiled when she whispered, "good luck," in his ear.

Once she was out the door Mark turned to face Maureen. "I'm gay Maureen. Ironic isn't it?"


	11. Chapter 11

**I only got 1 review for my last chapter :( Have you given up on me? Was it awful? I hope this one makes up for it. Show me some love and review. **** Thanks to notamarshmallowanymore for your help. Here's a little MoJo just for you.**

**Chapter 11**

"I knew it!" Maureen pointed her finger at him and smiled.

"How?"

"It was the sex. You were never into the sex. Always so quiet and concentrated. Who concentrates so much during sex?"

"I didn't concentrate too much!" Well, maybe he did, but only because she was so damn hard to figure out with all the screaming and wiggling. He was never sure if he was hurting her or getting her off.

"Yes you did. You were never really into it, but that's okay 'cause now I know why." She was so matter of fact about it. How come she'd never voiced her concerns about their sex life before?

"Look, Maureen I'd really appreciate if you kept this to yourself. I'm not really ready to – did you tell Joanne?" The thought suddenly popped into his head and he felt a small ball of panic begin to form in his stomach. Mo was the biggest gossip in town. All of New York would know about him within the hour.

"No. I came right here after I talked to Kevin. Joanne's still at work. Why does it matter if I tell her or anyone, Mark? This is who you are. You're not planning on hiding it are you?"

He shook his head. She'd never understand. "I'm not like you. This isn't easy for me. How do you know Kevin anyway?"

Maureen put her hands on her hips, an overacted outraged look on her face. "What's that supposed to mean? It wasn't easy for me to admit I loved Joanne. Kevin and I were both in an off Broadway performance." Mark lifted his brows at her. "Okay," she conceded, "we tried out for an off Broadway play together last year- but that's not the point."

"Funny. It seemed to me like you just decided you liked girls one day and then dumped me for Joanne."

She flung her hair back behind her and looked at him as if he had two heads. "First of all I still like men. I don't know if you've been paying attention, but I am bisexual not a lesbian. I struggled a lot when I realized how I felt about Joanne. I mean it is one thing to hook up with a girl, but how was I going to introduce her to my parents? That was tough. As open minded as they seem, there are things they weren't ready to accept when it came to their own daughter. There still are."

"Not to mention you were still dating me. Living with me in fact."

"Mark, you and I both know that neither of us was wholly invested in that relationship." She looked at him long and hard.

"Hey! I wanted to make it work." He was determined to make her feel bad. His being gay shouldn't give her an out for the way she'd stomped all over their relationship.

"For what reasons? Could it have been because you wanted to prove to yourself you weren't gay?"

She got him there. Feeling suddenly drained, Mark sat back down by the window. Just then there was a knock on the door.

"Mark? Roger? It's Joanne. Is Maureen there? She left me a message telling me to meet her here."

Mark widened his eyes at the brunette standing in front of him. "What?" she asked. "I didn't want her to worry when she got home and found me gone. You know how she gets."

He rolled his eyes at her. She was hopeless. "Come on in Joanne. She's right here."

"What's going on?" Joanne could feel the tension between the two friends as soon as she walked in the door. She looked from one to the other for an answer but their expressions revealed nothing. Finally, Maureen turned to look at her girlfriend and smiled brilliantly at her.

"Hi, pookie." She walked over to her and gave her a kiss. "Mark and I were just talking about some news he wanted to keep private. I was telling him that it would be better for him if he opened up and shared it with us."

Joanne looked at Mark and saw that he was not pleased. "I think that's his decision to make. Mark?"

Glaring at Maureen, Mark extended his hand toward the couch. "Why don't you guys

sit down?"

Joanne looked at Maureen and allowed her to take her by the hand and lead her to the couch. She sat down and allowed Maureen to settled on her lap, wrapping her arms around the drama queen's waist. Maureen leaned into her and planted a huge kiss on her mouth, her eyes remaining on Mark as she did so. He couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes at her antics.

"What's going on?" Joanne asked again. "Don't let her bully you Mark. If you don't want to talk about it you don't have to."

"No. It's okay, this is something I should get off my chest."

"Okay, so long as Mo's not forcing you." Maureen gave the lawyer an offended look and Joanne laughed. "Really honey bear, don't act like it's something you'd never do."

"Pookie!"

"I'm gay!" Mark decided to blurt it out before the two women had the chance to start bickering with each other.

Joanne suddenly stopped talking and looked at Mark, her eyes wide and her mouth agape. "What?" It took her a few seconds before she was finally able to compose herself.

"Gay, pookie, Marky's gay!" Maureen gave a little bounce on Joanne's lap, unable to contain her excitement. "Isn't that great? Aren't you proud of him for finally coming out?"

"Finally coming out? You sound as if you always knew."

"She likes to think that she did but she just found out ten minutes ago. NOT from me but from a friend." Mark glared at Maureen as he explained what had happened minutes before Joanne's arrival. He was starting to feel as if he weren't even there anymore, the way the two women were talking about him.

"Why didn't you say anything before?" Picking up on his anger, Joanne looked at Maureen then back at him with an apologetic look.

"I've been struggling with this for a while, I really wasn't ready to announce it, but it all came out on its own."

"I got a feeling from Kevin that was the case. He really likes you Marky, don't let him get away."

"Have you been talking to Tess?"

His two friends seemed to be running on the same thought process, which seemed odd because Mo's thoughts usually ran to their own beat. A beat that no one else could follow.

"No. Why? Was she looking for me?"

Mark laughed. "No. It's just something she said earlier."

"I think that if you really like this guy then you should go for it. I was nervous with Maureen, but in the end I decided to go for it and look at us now. Yes, there have been ups and downs but it's all been worth it."

"Thanks Pookie! I love you." Maureen wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's neck and leaned in for a kiss.

Mark watched and smiled. Maybe they were right, maybe he should just let go of his guilt and go for it with Kevin. If Maureen and Joanne could do it then why couldn't he?


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks for your Reviews! Please send me more! I love to hear what you think it doesn't matter if its constructive criticism or just a compliment-I'll take 'em all. Thanks to notamarshmallowanymore for keeping tabs on Tess' originality. Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 12**

Tess walked back into her apartment and found Roger making coffee in the kitchen. On the table he had set up two plates and a basket of chocolate croissants. She inhaled deeply and said, "I've died and gone to heaven." Walking up behind him, she wrapped her arms around his waist. "What did I do to deserve all of this? You're even making coffee, that's a miracle in and of its self."

Roger lacked the patience to ever wait for coffee to brew usually opting for instant instead. It was always black and tarry. She could never figure out how he could keep it down. He laughed as he turned around to face her and returned her embrace.

"Nothing. I wanted to do something special for my girl."

She began to kiss him but was interrupted by the sound of her stomach growling. He laughed again, making her smile. She hadn't seen him laugh so much since before she had moved out of his apartment. "You hungry?"

She nodded her head, her bangs falling out of place and onto her face.

"Let's eat then." He bent down and kissed her cheek, then took her hand and walked her to the table. Once she sat down, Tess took a croissant and bit into it with delight. "Mmm. So good!"

"I love to watch you eat. You get so into it."

Tess nodded and mumbled through a mouthful "It's like I didn't get proper meals in the last two years of my life." She had meant it to be a joke but her heart sank as soon as she saw Roger's face fall.

"I'm sorry."

She swallowed her croissant and placed her hand over where his lay on the table. "It was a joke. Please, don't feel badly. That all happened a while ago. I'm okay now. Thanks to you and Mark."

He looked at her his eyes watery, the twinkle that had been there minutes before now gone. "I wish you hadn't had to have gone through that."

This time she was the one to shrug. "What's done is done. I'd like to think I'm a better person because of it." She climbed up and kneeled on the table. Leaning into him she placed a light kiss on his mouth. "I wouldn't have met you either."

"I saw some of the video Mark took of you." She sat back on her knees and regarded him, knowing instinctively there was something he needed to say. "Your face- he beat you up pretty badly…" He felt his voice getting shaky as he struggled with his emotions.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here now, I'm healthy and safe."

"It's a miracle you're not sick, Tess. You know that?" Emotion won out and he was overcome with the need to show her how he felt, how grateful he was to have her in his life. He stood up and leaned in to kiss her. She responded with fervor wrapping her legs around his waist as he lifted her off the table. He continued kissing her as he walked her through the curtains of her bedroom and lay her down on the bed. He hovered above her, her legs still wrapped around him. "Is this okay?"

She nodded vigorously. "Yes, absolutely."

What followed was something Tess had never experienced before. This was not something she was new at, but she'd never felt the kind of connection she had with Roger in that moment. The emotions they had shared were almost tangible. Now they lay next to each other, their eyes looking toward the ceiling, both catching their breaths trying to calm their bodies and basking in the afterglow.  
"I don't think I'll be able to walk for a week."

He laughed and turned on his side to kiss her. "That was amazing."

Tess cuddled up into his side. He placed his arm around her. "That was-I've never felt so much." She couldn't explain it.

He smiled.

"What?"

"I'm happy. You make me happy, Tess. I haven't felt this way in a long time."

"I love you," she whispered.

He kissed her forehead. She didn't mind that he hadn't told her he felt the same. She was content with his admission of happiness. "I need a cigarette. Do you want one?"

She shook her head. "They're in the top drawer of that table." She pointed to the nightstand next to his side of the bed.

Reaching over to the table he saw a key lying on top. "What's this?" he asked. It was labeled 'basement'. Tess could only stare. How could she have been stupid enough to leave it there?

"Tess? You okay?"

She nodded. "It's the key to my storage space in the basement."

"What's wrong with that?"

She was nervous. The color had drained from her face. "I have something to tell you." This was the worst timing in the world. She didn't want to think about how he would react.

"What is it?" He was suddenly serious.

"There are things down there. They're not mine but they were here when I moved in."

He knew what was coming. He didn't want to hear it. "Tess-"

"I didn't know Roger! I swear I didn't know and Mark didn't tell me."

"Mimi's things are downstairs." He finished for her.

She nodded. Then abruptly said, "Don't be mad at Mark- he didn't say anything out of respect for you. Because you hadn't told me about her yet." She was so desperate for him to understand that she tripped over her words.

"But I told you about her…after. Why didn't you tell me then?"

She shook her head again, tears streaming down her face. "Because-"

He held his hand out to stop her. "I think I'd better go."

"Please, let me explain."

"We already had this out, Tess. Remember? We promised not to keep things from each other." He stood up and walked to where his clothes lay on the floor, beginning to dress while making a concentrated effort to ignore her sobs. She watched as he grabbed the key, gave her a disappointed look and left the apartment.

She decided she didn't want to leave. She wouldn't make a scene by chasing after him. Instead, she stayed in bed and fell asleep, an attempt at escapism. When she awoke, she thought about going to Mark but decided not to. What would be the point? He'd told her to tell him and she hadn't, not when she should have. He'd been right all along and she didn't want to hear an 'I told you so'. No, he wouldn't say it out loud, that wasn't like him, but she'd be able to see it in his eyes. She just wanted to sleep. Sleep all of her problems away.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you to Just-Met-a-Girl-Named-Maria and AThousandAndOneNights for your reviews. I love them! Thanks also to Notamarshmallowanymore for keeping Tess real ;) Here's a little bit of insight into Roger's head and some good advice from Mark. Enjoy and please, please, please Review. I thrive on your thoughts, opinions and ideas. **

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**Chapter 13**

Roger hadn't been home in a week; or rather he hadn't been around long enough to be seen. He'd made sure to avoid everyone by sneaking into his room late at night and leaving after he was sure both Mark and Tess had gone for the day. He knew their schedules well by now. He'd become withdrawn after having found out about Mimi's things. The very day he stormed out on Tess he went down to the basement and sifted through his ex-girlfriend's belongings. He found dozens of small treasures; her grandmother's jewelry box, the teddy bear he'd given her on valentine's day and a bottle of her perfume. All of these things brought back memories he thought had been put away along with the pain that came with them. Losing Mimi had almost broken him. He'd gone back to using just to make the pain go away. If Mark hadn't stepped in, who knows where he'd be right now. Luckily things hadn't gotten as dim as when he'd discovered April in the bathroom. His best friend had put a stop to his downward spiral. How could he ever make things up to him? Mark deserved a friend he didn't have to constantly worry about.

Sitting there amongst Mimi's things, he couldn't help but think about Tess. They were so similar. The thought of going upstairs and making things right crossed his mind, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Tess had HIV, just like Mimi, like April and Angel. Why put himself through the pain of losing someone else? If she died- when she died, he'd surely die as well. He didn't have it in him to survive someone else. What kind of a cruel joke was life playing on him? He could picture God or whatever was out there laughing as he lost one person after another to this horrible disease all the while he lived on… and on. Tess deserved someone stronger, braver, someone who wasn't dying a little more each day.

Every day he would walk by her door, he'd take a step toward it only to turn around and walk away. He couldn't watch her die- wouldn't let her watch him die. He was better off alone.

* * *

After a week of an uninterrupted hibernation it seemed her luck ran out. Tess' slumber was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Tess? T, its Mark, let me in. I'm worried about you." After a minute he knocked again, panicked because she wouldn't come to the door. "It's been a week, please open the door. I need to know you're okay."

Reluctantly she rolled out of bed and shuffled to the door. "What do you want Mark?"

"Oh thank God!" He pulled her in for a hug, grateful that she was okay. He pushed her back to inspect her and was not happy with what he saw. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair was pulled up in a messy bun that looked as if it hadn't been fixed all week. She wore yoga pants and a tank top and her nose was red and peeling. "You're not okay are you?"

She shook her head and began to sob.

"Oh, Tess." He shut the door behind him and took her into his arms again. "It's Roger isn't it?"

She nodded again, unable to speak through her tears.

"I thought you guys were in a good place. I haven't seen him all week. I figured he was down here with you…"

"Until today. You saw him didn't you? That's why you came here because you saw him and realized he hadn't been with me. How is he?" Her eyes were wide as she pulled away from him, she was desperate for knowledge.

"He didn't say much. Just that he hasn't seen you all week…" Mark looked down at his feet then back up at her. "He seemed like his old self. You know, before he met you."

She covered her mouth. "Do you think he's using again?"

Mark shook his head. "No. He just seemed sad. He didn't want to talk, just locked himself in his room."

"I told him about Mimi's things. I picked the worst time to tell him."

"There's no right time for that kind of news, you just have to-"

"We'd just had sex," she blurted out.

"Oh." Mark didn't know what to say, how could he respond to that? He looked around the room, too embarrassed to make eye contact with her, then finally deciding to man up, he looked her right in the eyes. "How did it go? Giving him the news? Badly I know, but how bad?"

"It all happened by accident. I had no intention of telling him but he saw the key to the storage room after we'd finished-"

"And that's when you told him?" He didn't want to hear her say sex again. One mental picture was enough. She'd been right though, her timing had been horrible.

She nodded. "Then he left. He stormed out, but not before reminding me about our promise to be honest with each other."

"Oh, Tess."

"You were right. I should have told him sooner. I was just afraid that this would happen and look, it happened anyway." She started crying again and flopped down on the couch. "I think I've lost him for good this time."

He walked over and sat down next to her. "Don't say that. He just needs time. He needs to digest this information."

She shook her head vehemently then decided she didn't have the energy to argue. She knew in her heart that this was over. "It's been a week, Mark. Maybe it's better this way." She leant her head onto his shoulder and gave into sobs.

Mark tried to soothe her, letting her rest her head on his lap until she fell asleep. After about an hour he figured she wasn't going to wake up anytime soon. She was emotionally exhausted. His heart ached for her. This was exactly what he feared would happen, but Roger had seemed so happy, so changed, that he had dismissed his fears. _That's what happens when you let your guard down. Disaster strikes. _ He gently eased himself off the couch and lay Tess down comfortably. Kissing her on the forehead he whispered, "It will get better T, I promise."

On his way up the stairs he bumped into Kevin. "What are you doing here?"

The handsome brunette smiled nervously. "I was just looking for you. I wanted to talk- do you have a minute?"

Feeling a mix of happiness and excitement, Mark nodded and led him up into his apartment.


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks to Just-Met-A-Girl-Named-Maria and MidnightDreamer73 for your wonderful reviews. I love to see them and thanks for sticking by this story. Thanks also to Notamarshmallowanymore for calling me out on any Tess issues and for helping me keep her original. Your encouragement really helps me keep this story going! I haven't heard any constructive criticism in a while...I guess that's a good thing :) Enjoy the chapter and then tell me all about how you LOVED it!

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**Chapter 14**

Two weeks later found Collins pounding on her door. "Tess, baby girl, you have to let me in. You can't hide in here forever. Open the door."

She covered her head with a pillow and turned the radio up higher. Socializing was not on her list of priorities. It hadn't been for a couple of weeks now, but people still found the need to come and bother her. She shut her eyes tightly and tried to picture herself somewhere else. Anywhere but here.

"Hey!" She sat up to see who had ripped the pillow off the top of her head. "How'd you get in?" She glared at Collins when he shut off the radio and showed her the pocket knife he'd used to pick her lock. "Go away Collins. I want to be alone."

"Too bad," the larger than life bohemian said as he sat down on the bed next to her, "you're all out of alone time. Pout all you want, but you ain't getting out of this visit. It's long overdue."

She rolled her eyes at him then looked away, forcing him to take her chin in his hand and make her look into his eyes. "There is a life out there. Roger or not, you have to get back in it."

"What's the point? It's not worth it."

"_Life_ is the point. You live and learn, Tess. Don't let one asshole ruin everything that is out there for you, girl. Take it from me, you need to appreciate EVERYTHING life hands you, even the heartbreak, before it's all gone."

She nodded. "I don't want to see him. I don't know what I'd do if I did. I'm so angry and hurt that he would leave just like that. Mark hasn't even seen him."

"Roger's an asshole, baby girl, you know that. I love him like a brother, but he doesn't handle shit well, and people get hurt when they get too close. That's something he's going to have to work on. But you need to forget about him and live for you. He'll come back when he's ready. I have no doubt about that. You'll deal with it then, but right now, we're all going out on the town. Go get dressed and let's go!"

She didn't feel much like celebrating, but she couldn't stand staying in for another night. "Okay!" Maybe a night out was just what she needed to lift her mood.

"Good. Come on, let's go see what's in your closet."

She chose a red plaid mini skirt with black tights, red knee socks, combat boots and a black sweater that hung off her shoulder. Her hair was hopeless as usual, especially now that it was freshly washed, so she tied it into a French braid and finished her look off with silver hoops and bangle bracelets. Collins whistled when he saw her come out of the bathroom.

"Looking good, T. The men are going to eat their hearts out tonight."

She rolled her eyes at his use of the nickname, no one around here used people's actual names. "I'm really not looking for male attention. I just want to get out of this apartment, have a night out. You know, get out of my head for a bit."

* * *

They headed out the door and met with Joanne and Maureen.

"Tess!" Maureen hugged her as soon as she laid eyes on her. "I'm so glad to see you. How are you? Roger still being an asshole?"

Joanne took pity on her and placing her arm through Maureen's she pulled her away. "Don't bother her, honey bear, just let her enjoy herself."

"I wasn't bothering her. I was just asking how she was doing."

"I'm fine, guys. I just want to have a good time. Forget about what's been going on for a bit. Is that okay?" Tess didn't want to hear Roger's name for the entire night if that was at all possible.

Just then Mark and Kevin walked up to the group who'd been standing on the sidewalk outside of their apartment building. Tess smiled widely when she noticed his hand entwined with Kevin's.

"T, you made it! I'm so glad." The grin on his face spread from ear to ear and she had the feeling that it had nothing to do with her presence.

"Mark! You look good, happy. And Kevin, it's nice to see you again."

Kevin nodded. "You too, Tess."

"Ahem." Collins cleared his throat as he gestured toward Mark and Kevin's joined hands.

"Care to share?"

Mark blushed. "Oh sorry, Collins, this is my boyfriend, Kevin. Kevin, this is my good friend Collins- Tom Collins…"

"You can call me Collins. Everyone else does." He looked at Mark and said, "Guess I'm the last one to find out. Judging from everyone's lack of reaction."

"No. That's not true. I didn't know you guys had made it official."

"I haven't seen you in a while." Mark ignored Maureen's comment as he apologized to Collins.

He laughed and wrapped his arm around Mark's shoulders. "No worries man. As long as you're happy, I'm glad."

Mark and Kevin shared a look, then Mark looked back at his friend. "Yeah, I'm happy."

"Good! Now, let's get this party started!"

They made their way to the _Life Café_ where they spent a good deal of the night eating and drinking.

"What's the matter, Tess?" Maureen asked at one point in the evening. "Don't you want to let loose? Stop drinking water and have a vodka tonic or something."

Tess shook her head. "No, I'm trying to be good about not drinking. I tend to use that kind of stuff to escape, and I don't think having a drink right now would lead to any good."

"Suit yourself. At least you're smiling."

Mark walked over to them and leaned over Tess' chair to place a kiss on her cheek. "Of course she's smiling. How could she not with this crowd around her?"

* * *

They went barhopping after dinner, and Tess found release in dancing. She let out all of her anger and frustration to the sounds of punk rock music. She had no trouble letting the men down. They came at her like moths to a flame. At one point Collins had to step in and inform a very persistent young man that she was taken. They spent the rest of next couple of hours on the floor together until she decided it was time to call it a night. Kissing Collins on the cheek she whispered good night and left despite his arguments that she should let him walk her home.

She almost made it to the door before Mark blocked her. "Are you leaving already?" His face was flushed from the heat in the small space.

"Already? It's almost three in the morning. I need to get some sleep."

"You've been sleeping the days away for the past two weeks."

She caught the worried look in his eyes and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine Mark. Tonight helped- a lot."

"You sure? Let me walk you home."

"Yes, I'm sure. Don't walk me. Stay here with Kevin. Our apartment's just up the road."

"He's coming home with me." Now she knew he must have had a few drinks. This wasn't information Mark would share under normal circumstances. He was weird about sex.

"Really! That's great, Marky." He rolled his eyes and she laughed. "I'm really happy for you."

"I'm sorry things couldn't be the same for you."

She smiled at him. "So Roger wasn't the one for me. It's okay, there's plenty of fish in the sea."

"I noticed. You were fighting the men off out there."

"Yeah well, thank God for Collins."

Mark nodded. There was an awkward silence before she said, "Hey, it'll be okay. Honest. Don't worry about me, Mark. Go. Be with Kevin, enjoy your new romance. There's nothing better than a new relationship."

He hugged her. "Thanks," he whispered.

"No problem. See you tomorrow." She gave him a small wave and left the bar.

* * *

On her walk home she reflected on her life. She never thought she'd be here living this life filled with friends. She was still miserable, but that was her own fault, and at least this time she had people around her for support. He heart ached for Roger; she hated herself for having been so stupid and not having been honest sooner. But if there was one thing she knew, it was that heartache healed. This excruciating pain she felt would eventually dull out and go away. It had tonight, at least for the time she'd been out with her friends. Someday she'd be able to look at Roger and not fall into tiny pieces, provided of course, that he ever made an appearance. She was worried about him. What if he'd gone back to using, or what if he was sick and couldn't get any help? She was so involved in her thoughts that she failed to notice The Man walking toward her and ended up bumping into his chest.

"Well, well." His voice gave her chills. She never thought she'd see him again. "Look who we have here. How've you been Tess? I've missed you, honey."

"Don't call me honey."

The Man placed his hand on her cheek making her shudder and pull away, her eyes closed in disgust. "What's the matter baby, you too good for me now? Moved out of Tent City, got yourself a few friends and now you don't need me or the good stuff anymore?"

"That's right. I don't need you or your shit anymore. I've moved on- I'm straight now so FUCK OFF!" She stepped to the side and began walking away but he grabbed her upper arm and forced her to turn and look at him.

"You'll never be done with me, honey. You'll be back. Trust me –they always come back. Do you know why?"

She struggled against his grip but he just held on tighter and pulled her in close enough that she could feel him rubbing up against her. He leaned into her ear and whispered, "Because you'll never get it as good as I gave it to you. Trust me, soon enough you'll come begging for a good fuck and a high like the good little whore you are."

Finally managing to pull out of his grasp, she slapped him and walked away. He allowed it. "That's right baby, you know I like it rough. I'll be waiting for you. Don't take too long coming back."

She cried all the way home, walking as fast as she could without looking obvious. She refused to run; she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing how scared he'd made her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks Notamarshmallow for reviewing this chapter and sharing your thoughts and opinions. Where are your reviews guys? I'm so sad **** Have I lost you? Did the story take a bad turn? Are you sad because I've broken Tess and Roger up? Let me know you're out there. I need a confidence boost! Please? **

* * *

**Chapter****15**

After walking for what seemed like an eternity, she finally made it back to the apartment to find Roger slumped on the bottom stair of the building. His hair was greasy and he hadn't shaved in a while. He also reeked of alcohol.

"Roger!" Her heart stopped. Was he sick? Did he need an ambulance? She rushed over to him and shook his shoulder. "Roger, talk to me. Are you okay?"

He opened his eyes slowly and looked up, barely recognizing the person standing in front of him. "Tess?"

She started to cry. "Yes. It's me. Please tell me you're okay."

"I'm fine." He seemed disoriented, looking around to see where he was.

"Here, let me help you up." She took his arm and helped him up the stairs and into her apartment. Once there, she sat him down on the couch and peered into his eyes. "Are you high?" He shook his head. He was dirty, as if he'd been sleeping on the street. She sniffed at the air. "You smell like a brewery. Where have you been?"

"Around."

"God, Roger quit playing games! Mark's been worried sick."

"I'm not Mark's problem."

"No. You're his friend, his best friend. What the fuck's wrong with you? I get it, I fucked up. You can ignore me, pretend you never knew me, but your friends didn't do anything wrong. Why punish them?"

"Who cares, Tess? They'll have to deal without me soon enough. I'm going to die- you're going to die. What's the point? Why get attached, why love, why care?" He laid his head back on the couch and covered his face with his arm.

She let out a deep sigh. "Where is this coming from? This isn't you."

He put his arm down and looked at her through bloodshot eyes. "Isn't it? You don't know me. What? You think because we've hung out for a few months you know everything about me?" His words were angry but he sounded tired saying them.

"Fuck you! We've known each other a little more than a year. You have no right-" She stopped. He did have a right. She'd lied to him, broken promises. He could treat her like shit because she deserved it. She finally sat down next to him. "Are you sick?" Maybe that was the reason for his being so morbid.

"No. I will be though, soon. I've lived longer than I should have."

"Shouldn't you make the best of it then? The little time you have left- shouldn't you make it worth something?"

"What's the point?" He looked at her, his eyes full of sadness- it aged him. Life had been hard for him, she could tell. She wished he'd tell her though, opened up to her about his past the way she had.

"I love you. I know I have no right to say that after what I did, but I do. It's killing me to see you like this. Please, don't give up. I need you here. I need you here because I love you, and Roger,

life is worth living even if what you have left is just a little bit of time. Especially then."

He looked her in the eyes and let out a sob, covering his face with his hands and giving into his tears. She took him in her arms and allowed him to let go, whispering calming words into his ear and rubbing circles on his back. She held him for a long time and when he finally pulled away he whispered,

"I love you."

"What?" Had she heard him right?

"I am so afraid of losing you. I don't think I would survive if you went before me, so I tried to stay away. I tried to protect myself, but I love you, and it hurts just as much being away from you than it would if I lost you. I couldn't do it. I want to be with you until the end."

Now she was the one in tears. "Isn't it worth the happiness? In the end, when one of us is gone, we'll have wonderful memories. Isn't the time we spend together now worth the pain of losing each other later?"

He nodded. She leaned into him and he kissed her, welcoming her back into his arms. "You love me?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Don't ever run away from me again, Roger Davis."

"I won't, I promise. I'm here for good." He hugged her tighter. "Forever. However long that is."

"Good. Now go take a shower." She laughed when he pulled away from her and she saw his offended look.

"Are you telling me I stink?"

"Yes. Go take a shower. You need to sober up too."

He nodded. "I need clothes. Let me go upstairs and shower and then I'll come back."

"No." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Mark's up there with Kevin."

"Really?"

"Yes. Shower down here. I have some of your stuff."

"Did you steal my clothes while I was gone?"

She gave him a guilty look. "Yes."

He kissed her. "I love you. Don't go anywhere. I'll be right out."

She waited for him on the couch, her eyes closed. Could this really be happening? Was she dreaming? Had he told her he loved her. He'd erased her anger with those three little words. The night had taken a fast turn toward the better. She had been so scared and felt so disgusting after her encounter with her ex-dealer. Finding Roger had made that all go away, fear for him taking her over. Thank God he was okay- or a little better than she'd expected him to be. Maybe things would turn out for the best.

When he came out of the shower he needed her help getting to the bed. "I think I drank too much." He laughed. "I got the spins in the shower, I had the hardest time putting these pants on and then I ended up getting sick."

Once he was settled in, she lay down next to him. "Roger?"

"Yeah?" He looked at her and smiled making her heart melt all over again.

"Do you think maybe we have a drinking problem?"

"Tess, this was just- I don't usually drink this much."

"No, I know. It's just… we're both addicts and well, it's so easy to fall into old habits."

He put his finger over her mouth. "No more drinking."

"Yeah?" She batted her eyelashes at him.

"Yeah." He yawned grandly. "You're right. It's not good for us, we tend to abuse those things. Now let's get some sleep. I'm ready to pass out."

"Okay." She kissed him and cuddled into his side. "Good night, Roger."

"Good night, Tess."

They were both asleep within minutes.

* * *

She awoke to the feel of his hand in her hair. He was on his side, looking down at her, his head propped up on one hand. She smiled dreamily at him. This is what she'd longed for from the beginning. To wake up engulfed in someone's love.

"You were crying when you came home last night."

"You remember that? I didn't think you were in any condition to remember anything about last night."

He smiled down at her. "I remember last night. I remember everything you said to me. I remember telling you I love you."

She smiled back widely, elated that he remembered. She was afraid he wouldn't have. She frowned however, when she saw a look of anger come over his face. "Roger, what is it?"

He grabbed her arm and stared at it. She looked over to see what it was and saw black and blue finger marks on it. "Oh, that."

"Oh, that? Tess what the fuck is that? Who did this to you? I'll kick their fucking ass!"

"It's okay, Rog. Last night when I was walking home I bumped into _him_. He grabbed me, but I told him off and he let me go." She placed her hand over his to calm him down. She'd been scared to death but he didn't need to know that.

"It was that asshole wasn't it, The Man? Why were you walking home by yourself that late at night? Why didn't Collins or Mark walk you home? God, I'm such a fuck-up. I should have been there with you instead of getting wasted. I should have been the one to walk you home."

"Hey, it's okay. Shh, calm down." She put her hand on his cheek. "It's okay. I'm okay."

He stopped ranting and looked at her. "If anything had happened to you… I've been so stupid!"

"No. You were afraid. Roger, I don't know what you've been through in the past, but I know you've lost plenty of people you loved. I was hurt that you left me, but I think I can understand why."

He ran his hand through his hair, looking as if he was trying to make a decision. "I think it's time I tell you about my past. I never really did and you were so open with me about yours…"

"Only if you're ready," she told him. "Please, don't feel like you have to tell me now."

"No. I should tell you, so we can move forward. I want you to know me. I'm tired of running and hiding."

She nodded. "Okay."

Deciding he didn't want to be in bed with her while he told his story, he stood up and made his way to the window lost in thought. He shook his head, disappointed in himself. He'd run away from her three times and she was still here. Well, no more running. This time he was here to stay. If she wanted to run after he was done telling her about his past, that was her choice and he wouldn't blame her. Summoning the courage to open up to her, her turned around and smiled when he saw she'd gotten out of bed and was now standing before him, her hand extended out to him.

"Come on, let's sit down."

He followed her to the couch and allowed her to take a seat. "I think I'll stand for this," he told her. "I didn't start using until I met April. I came to New York so innocent and naïve." He laughed at the idea; he could barely remember being like that. "I was such a stupid kid. I thought I'd make it big right away. Anyway, I joined a band and April was one of our groupies. She came to every show. One night I had enough to drink that I was brave enough to approach her, and we ended up going to some party. She pulled out the smack, and I wanted so much to impress her that I tried it. It all went downhill from there."

He looked at her, a sad smile playing on his lips. "It wasn't horrible at first, It was actually wonderful. I found this incredible new thing and I was able to share it with my girlfriend. But within a few months all I could think about was getting high. It got to the point where I was willing to do anything for a hit. I did do things…" He looked down at his hands, ashamed of the things he'd done and unwilling to tell her exactly what they'd been.

Tess patted the empty seat next to her and tilted her head to the side, silently asking him to join her. When he did she said, "We've both done things we're not proud of. The important thing is that we're here now, making up for our mistakes."

He smiled at her. She was so forgiving; anyone else would have run for the hills by now. "She got sick, I didn't know until it was too late. She left me a note saying 'We've got AIDS'. Then I found she'd killed herself in the bathroom."

Tess' hand came over her mouth, her eyes shining with unshed tears. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I don't remember much after I found her. I made sure to take as much heroin and alcohol as I could so I could forget. Mark found me next to her in the bathroom and took me to the hospital. He stood by me through my withdrawal. It wasn't the nicest period in my life, he has the scars to prove it." He paused, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves.

"You don't have to tell me anymore if you don't want to. I know it's hard to go back there."

"No, I do. I met Mimi six months after withdrawal. She was an addict with HIV, just like me, just like you. She didn't let that stop her, she was so vibrant and full of life. I fell in love with her, but of course, after April, I wasn't willing to let her or anyone in. We almost lost her once, that's when I realized how much she meant to me. She stuck around for about a year before she… she wasn't able to come back from it then."

Tess squeezed his hand when she saw he was getting choked up.

"I started using again. Mark stepped in before it got too bad. This time I was able to get through it relatively faster than before. I spent some time putting my life back together and was just getting back into the swing of things when you showed up at my door." He smiled at her. "You were my angel in disguise. I didn't know I needed help until you barged into my life."

"Or well after that," she muttered.

He took her hand in his. "I'm sorry for all the crap I've put you through. I honestly don't know why you stuck around."

"Because I love you, Roger. I didn't know. I had no idea you've loved and lost so much. That's why you ran away isn't it?"

He nodded but stayed silent. She leaned into him and kissed him. "I wish you hadn't had to have gone through all of that."

"It's like you said… it's made me who I am. All of that stuff brought me here to you, just like all the shit you went through brought you to me. How can I regret any of it?"

"You're right. Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me."

"I love you. I want to start over, and I want you to know me. All of me."

She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder, enjoying this time of peace in their relationship. Who knew how long it would last?


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"How did you know I was out with Collins and Mark last night?" She propped her head up off his shoulder and looked at him accusingly.

"What? I never said-"

"You implied it. You asked me why neither of them walked me home. How did you know I was out with them?"

He looked away from her. She slapped him on the shoulder. "You were there too, weren't you?"

"Off in the corner watching you and getting wasted," he admitted guiltily. "You're a good dancer you know. I didn't much like all the men flocking your way though. I was happy when Collins stepped in."

"You're such an asshole. I can't believe you were in the same room as me, and I didn't even know."

"Trust me, Tess, I wouldn't have been very nice to you if you'd talked to me at that point. I was very angry."

"Why?" She was curious. He was depressed last night, not angry.

"Because you seemed perfectly fine without me."

"But last night, that's what you claimed you wanted." She would never understand him.

"Yes, but seeing you feeling a little sad for losing me would have been nice."

She sat up and turned toward him. "Roger, I was _dying_ without you. Last night was my first time out in three weeks. I love you, and I fucked up so badly. I didn't think I'd ever get you back."

"Hey, you didn't fuck up. You should have told me about Mimi's things sooner, but you didn't fuck up. You told me didn't you? It's not like I found out about it on my own. I'm sorry about the way I reacted. That wasn't fair. I know now how hard it must have been for you to tell me, especially after that big fight we had. We're okay though. You know?"

"Yes. Tell me again?" She batted her eyes and pouted her lips.

Smiling he said, "I love you."

She hugged him. "I love you, too."

"You should have seen Mark and Kevin," he told her. "They were pretty hot and heavy. I thought I'd imagined it, but then you told me Kevin stayed upstairs last night."

"Really? Mark had a few drinks in him. That's probably why. Otherwise he'd never be caught in public display of affection. Not even with a girl, I don't think."

Roger shook his head. "Never. He's too uptight about that stuff."

She couldn't help but fall into a fit of laughter. "I wish I'd seen it. Then I could bust his balls about it."

A knock on the door sobered her up. "T, its Mark. I have coffee."

She and Roger looked at each other. "Did he hear us?"

Roger shrugged. "I don't know, but you better go answer the door. And put some decent clothes on, I can't believe you were out in that skirt last night. I can see your ass."

"Hey! I have tights on. It's not that bad."

"Still too short. Hurry, go get changed."

"I'm coming Mark, I'm just getting dressed!" She called out as she went through her drawers for something "decent" to wear.

After the tenth knock Roger grew tired of Mark's persistence and opened the door himself.

"Roger…" Mark stood on the other side of the door, a look of shock on his face.

"She told you she was coming. I don't know what your hurry is." Roger found the last of his words coming out muffled as he was suddenly engulfed in Mark's embrace.

"Roger, you're okay!" He looked over to Tess for an explanation.

"I found him here last night when I got home. He was sitting on the steps completely plastered, but healthy." Tess, who had finally chosen a grey t-shirt and yoga pants, answered as she pulled her hair into a ponytail.

Mark punched Roger's shoulder. "Ouch! What the fuck was that for? When did you learn to punch?" Roger rubbed at the spot where he'd been hit.

"You bastard! You had us all worried sick. I thought you were using again, or even worse, that you were dead in some nasty corner of the city. Not to mention what you put Tess through!" He was trying to stay angry but the tears that filled his eyes betrayed him.

Roger placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, it's okay." He brought his friend in for another embrace.

Tess smiled as she watched the two most important men in her life reunite. Mark hastily wiped at the tears running down his cheeks before pulling away. It was one thing for Tess to see him cry but quite another if Roger did.

"Hey, where's my coffee?" She said trying to lighten the mood and make things easier for her friend.

Mark shrugged giving her a shy smile. "I lied. I didn't think you'd let me in."

"Have you been hiding in here, baby? You haven't let anyone in? Not even Mark?" Roger walked over to her and looked into her eyes.

"I wanted to be alone," she explained.

He kissed her. "I am so sorry." Her only response was to take his hand in hers.

"So, you guys have any coffee?"

The couple gave Mark dirty looks, causing him to laugh. "What? I honestly don't have any."

"Yeah, I can make some." Tess walked to the kitchen and started preparing coffee.

"So, Mark, what were you up to last night?"

The filmmaker blushed deep red. "Uh, I was with Kevin."

Roger bent over in a fit of laughter. Mark turned a bright shade of red.

Roger smiled knowing from Mark's reaction exactly what they had been doing. "Yeah? How was that?"

"It went well." Mark couldn't help but smile at the thought of Kevin.

"Sounds like Marky's got a boyfriend," Roger teased.

Mark only smiled and Roger knew it was serious. "You do, don't you?"

"Yes. Don't make a big deal out of it okay?"

"I won't," Roger assured his friend as he turned to Tess. "I need some pain killers. My head feels like it's going to split open all of a sudden."

"Maybe it's all that alcohol you drowned yourself in last night." Tess tried to keep from nagging but she had to let him know she hadn't liked the condition she'd found him in.

"Roger, you can't drink like that. Have you been taking your AZT?" Mark walked over to his friend with a worried look on his face.

"I tried to remember but may have forgotten them a few times."

"Roger!" Mark and Tess yelled simultaneously.

He raised his hands up in surrender. "Alright, okay, I fucked up. I'm sorry."

She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "We just worry about you, that's all."

"Hey Tess, what happened to your arm?"

Roger practically growled in response to Mark's question. "That asshole found her out walking last night. Why the fuck didn't you walk her home?"

"Asshole?" Mark frantically searched his mind trying to remember who his roommate was referring to when his eyes opened wide in realization. "The Man? Oh my god! Tess, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"It's fine. I just bumped into him. No big deal." Now that the subject had been brought up again she remembered the unpleasant way he'd touched her face and rubbed up against her. The way he'd called her 'honey' in his disgustingly greasy way made her shudder.

"It was a big deal," Roger argued. "Your friends should have been looking out for you. Not making out with their boyfriend at the bar." He looked at Mark accusingly.

"How'd you know I was- you were there? Roger you were there and you didn't say anything? We've been worried sick about you!"

"Excuse me." Tess pulled away from Roger. She was feeling a little shaken after reliving last night's encounter.

Roger stopped glaring at Mark and looked at her. "You okay? You look pale."

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." She nodded. "I just need a minute." She attempted to smile at him and walked into the bathroom in desperate need of privacy.

Once in there, she sat over the toilet seat and put her head in her hands. She concentrated on taking deep breaths so she could stop her heart from trying to beat out of her chest. "You're okay," she told herself. "It's okay." She could hear Roger and Mark arguing in the living room.

"That's not the point, Mark. You should have taken her home. That asshole could have hurt her. You know that. You've seen what he's done to her before not to mention-"

"T's a strong girl. I'm sure she stood up for herself. You should have said something last night."

They fell silent when they heard her sniffles from the bathroom. Fighting the urge to go to her himself, Mark pointed at Roger then at the door. The rocker walked to the bathroom door and knocked.

"Babe, you okay in there? Want to let me in, please?"

She opened the door and stepped out. "I'm okay. " But her red rimmed eyes told him otherwise.

He took her hand in his as he wiped a stray tear from her eye. "Talk to me, Tess." She looked at him with sadness in her eyes, making him pull her into his arms. "Did he hurt you? I mean more than your arm?" He whispered the question in case she didn't want to talk about it in front of Mark.

"No. Just gave me a scare. I just needed a minute to compose myself. I'm okay now. It's- the past kind of caught up to me, you know?"

He nodded. He'd just been through something similar himself. "I know."

"Thank-you guys, for being here with me. Thanks for taking me out of the shit life I was living." She laughed sardonically. "Who knows where I'd be if it weren't for you."

Mark walked over to them. "You've done this on your own. You quit using, got yourself a job and an apartment, all on your own. You're pretty great, Tess."

She smiled. "I couldn't have done it without your friendship, Mark."

"Okay, enough with the sappy. Let's just sit down and have some coffee already. Where's the damned _Advil_?

"You're such a jerk." Tess shoved him but smiled at him. "I love you."

"I know you do," he answered smugly making his way into the kitchen.

Mark and Tess rolled their eyes at each other. How was it possible to love such an impossible man?


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you Notamarshmallowanymore for all of your help with this. I wrote this chapter in response to some reviewer requests. I hope you like it! Please Review!**

**Chapter 17**

Roger wouldn't let her walk home alone. Not after her encounter with her ex-dealer. He'd been angry at her for having left the bar on her own that night, and angrier still at Mark and Collins for allowing it. He told her that The Man had also been his dealer, as well as Mimi's and April's, so she knew he had a personal vendetta against him.

"Sometimes I think he's out to get me," he'd told her.

Tess told him it was a coincidence. "Everyone around here's an addict, Rog. He's the biggest dealer around, of course he knew Mimi and April. I'm sure it has nothing to do with you."

But Roger wasn't satisfied and now she was forced to deal with his hyper vigilance anytime she had to go out at night, which was mostly when she got out of work. Roger was just waiting for a chance meeting with The Man. He was dying to kick his ass, this wasn't just about her; this was about Mimi and April too. Maybe even a little about himself. So Tess dealt with having to wait for him to show up after her shift. He'd pretend to be listening to her on their walks home, but his eyes would dart from left to right looking for the greasy asshole who had done him wrong.

After a week of dealing with this, Tess decided to put her foot down. It was midnight and her shift had ended a half hour ago. She sat on the bench in front of the restaurant waiting for Roger, her patience running thin, her mood growing darker. She was tired and wanted to get some sleep, but there was no sign of Roger. Finally, after several minutes of debate, she decided to brave the walk home on her own. There were plenty of pay phones along the way, she'd just stop and call Roger or Mark to let them know that she was on her way home.

"I'm leaving Joey. Goodnight!" she called into the restaurant before leaving.

"No luscious bodyguard tonight?"

"Nope. He's late and I don't feel like waiting anymore."

"My loss. Goodnight, hun."

"Night."

Tess began her walk home with a smile on her face. Joey, her boss, had developed a crush on Roger and looked forward to seeing him on the nights he picked her up. "I know he's not gay, but it doesn't hurt to look. Watch out, Tess, I just might try to turn him." She rolled her eyes. There was no way he or anyone would be able to turn Roger, she couldn't picture him enjoy being with a man the way he enjoyed being with her.

"Hey beautiful, what brings you out tonight?"

Fuck! Tess stopped walking and looked up to see The Man standing before her. _How cliché. He shows up on the one night I decide to walk on my own._

"Fuck off," she said as she walked past him.

"Hold on just a minute, little girl." He ran up next to her and began walking at her pace. "I have something for you. Don't you want to know what it is?"

"Not interested. I told you, I've moved on." Tess didn't look at him as she continued walking, hoping he'd lose interest and go away.

Unfortunately, The Man was not deterred. He took her by the arm, turning her to look at him.

"Moved on? Your pretty boy can't give you what I can, Tess. You know that. I can make you feel good." He leaned close to her ear and whispered, "Remember the good times we had, baby? Don't you want to feel that way again?"

She shuddered at the thought, and began to panic when he didn't let go of her arm. "You're sick, taking advantage of little girls. I was only sixteen when you…" She shook her head, unable to finish the sentence, feeling disgusted with herself.

"You never once complained. If I remember correctly, you were the one who asked for it." He turned her and pulled her in front of him, so that her back was to his front and he could wrap his arm around her waist. He nuzzled her neck ignoring her struggles against his touch.

"I was high. I needed you to get me high, and that was the only way. Of course I didn't complain!" She closed her eyes and prayed that someone, anyone would show up.

They weren't very well hidden, and a few people walked by, but chose to stay out of trouble by ignoring what was happening.

"Don't you want that feeling again? Don't you miss me at all, Tess?"

She took in a deep breath and tried to steady herself. "No. I don't miss you. I'm a hundred times better off without you."

He took a strand of her hair in his hand and inhaled. "You smell so good."

Tess took advantage of his distraction and turned, giving him a swift kick between his legs, and yelling out when he didn't let go of her hair. The Man screamed and doubled over, letting her go in the process. "You bitch!"

She ran as fast as she could, not taking her eyes off him to be sure he wouldn't come after her. She ran so fast it hurt her nose when she slammed into someone's chest.

"Tess, you okay? Oh my God, you're bleeding!"

She touched her nose gingerly, it felt as though she'd been hit by a bowling ball. Surely enough, it was bleeding, but she didn't have time to think about it. Looking behind her one more time, she tried to continue running but someone caught her arm.

"No!" she yelled. "You don't understand. I have to get out of here. I have to go home!" She tried to tear her arm away but whoever she'd bumped into wouldn't let her go.

"Babe, it's me, Roger. Look at me. Calm down, what's happening?"

Tess looked behind her one more time before turning and realizing it was Roger she'd bumped into. "Roger, take me home. Please just take me home." She was sobbing now, all the adrenaline starting to leave her body.

Roger looked behind her and saw The Man straighten up and look directly at him. "Did he hurt you?" he asked her.

She shook her head. She just wanted to get home and shower, she felt disgusting after he'd touched her. "Let's just go home, please."

Roger wasn't having it. He'd waited for this moment, and now that it had presented itself there was no way he was walking away. He stomped over to the asshole and looked him in the eye. "Were you giving my girl a hard time?"

The Man shrugged. "Yeah. She likes it a little rough. Don't you, Tess?"

Tess refused to answer as she made her way over to the men. "Roger, can we just go? You don't need to do this. He won't bother me again. Please, let's just go."

"Did your girl tell you she came looking for me?"

Roger looked at her accusingly. "That was a while ago. When I first got the job and the apartment. Remember? You came home and I had bought from him," she explained, the desperation she felt evident in her voice.

"Did you tell your man how you pay for your drugs?"

"Shut up!" she screamed at The Man. "Roger, I didn't. I paid for it with money, I swear. It was the last I had, and I spent it on drugs. Please, you have to believe me."

Roger didn't respond. He threw a punch at the asshole. "That was for making my life a living hell"

Tess screamed when The Man punched Roger back. Roger staggered a bit but threw him another punch, this time making him fall to the ground.

"Okay, you kicked his ass, Roger. Let's go home now before it's too late." Tess grabbed him by the arm and tried to pull him away, but he wouldn't budge. Instead he jumped The Man while he was down.

"Roger, stop!"

"Tess, what's going on?" Mark ran up to her, seemingly out of nowhere. "I was just out filming and saw all the commotion."

She turned to him, her face bloody and full of tears. "Mark, stop him, please. You have to stop him."

Mark looked on as his best friend beat at The Man. "Roger," he screamed. "Stop! You're hurting him. Stop before you go too far."

Roger got a few more punches in before Mark's words made an impact. He stopped, stood up and spit on The Man. "Don't go near Tess again. If I catch you so much as looking at her, I will kill you. You understand?"

The Man nodded at him. Roger seemed satisfied and turned to walk back to Tess and Mark. Taking Tess by the shoulders he looked at her closely and asked, "Are you all right?"

She shook her head and shoved him away. "Asshole." Then turned and began walking home.

* * *

"Tess! Come on, talk to me." Roger walked up the stairs behind her. She'd been ignoring him since they'd started walking.

Mark followed Roger and when they got to Tess' front door he looked at his roommate and shrugged. "I guess I'm going up to bed." He honestly had no idea what to do in this situation.

"Mark, wait!" Tess turned from her door and ran into is arms. "Thanks."

He hugged her back all the while looking at Roger in confusion. "I didn't do anything, Tess."

"Yes, you did. You made him stop. Thank-you for that," she whispered in his ear so that Roger wouldn't hear. She was too angry to deal with him.

Mark nodded and felt his heart break when she started shaking in his arms. She must have been so scared. "Did he touch you?"

She shook her head. "No. I didn't let him get that far."

Roger was getting upset with all of their whispering, Mark could see it in his face. "Don't be too hard on him. He was only trying to help."

Tess nodded, allowing him to kiss her cheek before pulling away. "Good night."

Mark gave Roger a nod and walked upstairs to his apartment. Roger followed Tess into hers.

"What the fuck was that?" he asked as soon as the door shut behind him.

She turned and glared at him with her arms crossed.

"What was all the whispering about. Why did you thank him? I didn't see him lift a finger to help you."

"I thanked him because he stopped you. Because he _listened _to me when I asked him to make you stop."

"What are you talking about, Tess? That asshole hurt you." He pointed at her nose and the blood on her face. " I was just making sure he didn't do it again."

"He didn't hurt me, you did. I hit my nose when I slammed into your chest when I was trying to get away."

Roger didn't know where to look. He had assumed that The Man had roughed her up, just like old times.

"You didn't get into that fight for me. You did it for yourself. You didn't give a fuck about me."

"No, that's not true."

"You would have listened to me if you'd given a shit about my feelings. I asked you to go. You saw me, I was scared and I wanted to get away, but you had to get your revenge." The fear caught up with her again and she started crying. She had to sit down on the couch to try and get some self control.

Roger sat down next to her and wrapped his arms around her. "What did he do to you, baby?" She leaned her head on his shoulder and sobbed harder.

"What he said I did, I didn't do it. I swear to you I paid for the heroin with money that time." He could barely understand her through her tears.

"Hey, look at me." He pushed her back and looked into her face. "I didn't doubt you for a second. I trust you."

She nodded and sniffed. "He was right, you know. I accused him of taking advantage of me but he didn't. He said I went to him willingly and he was right, I did. What's wrong with me? To have gone to someone like him and done the things I did ."

"No, baby, there's nothing wrong with you. He did take advantage of you. He saw you were an addict and used that to get what he wanted from you. He's sick. You didn't do anything wrong."

She was sobbing again. "I feel so gross. He groped me and smelled my hair and I just feel so dirty."

"I should have killed him."

"No. It's bad enough you hurt him. He could come after you now. Does he know where we live? Did you ever tell him?"

"No. It's okay, we're safe here. He won't do anything, I promise."

She shuddered and he rubbed her arms. "Why don't you go take a shower? A nice hot one."

"Yeah. I think I will." She stood up then sat down again. "Don't leave. Please, I don't want to be alone tonight."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for good, remember?" She nodded and went into the bathroom.

* * *

He sat on the couch and thought about what she'd said. She was right, he hadn't gone after the son of a bitch for her sake, he'd done it for his own. He blamed The Man for his problems, and maybe that was wrong. It wasn't The Man's fault that he'd started using, it wasn't his fault that April had either, or Mimi for that matter. _When are you going to stop being such a selfish asshole?_

Almost a half an hour later, Tess finally came out of the shower wearing a short white robe and trying desperately to untangle her hair. He smiled at the sight of her, she was always fighting with her curls while he absolutely loved them. They were wild and spunky, full of life, just like her.

"Come here, baby," he called.

She turned and looked at him, her nose looked better but was a little red where she'd hit it. Tess complied, walked over and sat on his lap.

"Feel better?"

"A little."

"I'm sorry. I was an asshole, and you were right to be upset."

She turned to look at him, surprise written all over her face. "What?" he asked. "Is it that shocking to hear me admit I was wrong?"

"It usually takes you a lot longer than this. You're a stubborn ass." She smiled as she said it.

"Yeah well, not this time. I went after that jerk for the wrong reasons. I blamed him for things that weren't his fault. _I'm _the one who started using, _I _went to him for drugs. He didn't push them on me. The same goes for Mimi and April. So, I'm sorry. I should have walked away. You were scared and needed me and once again, I completely fucked up."

"I love you," she told him and gave him a kiss.

"I love you too." She was surprised when he took the brush from her hand and began combing through her curls.

"You need to have more confidence in yourself. You keep talking about how you're going to mess things up even before you do them. You're setting yourself up for failure." She closed her eyes and enjoyed the way he gently ran the brush through her hair.

"Maybe you're right."

"I am right." She took the brush from her hair and stood up. "Let's go to bed now. I'm really tired."

"You sure you're okay?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

She shook her head. "I'm getting there. Just come hold me. Make me feel safe." She took his hand and guided him to bed.

"I love you, Rog," she whispered as they cuddled behind the covers.

He tightened his hold on her. "Love you, too. I'll keep you safe. Forever."


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks for your Reviews! I'm so happy you like this story. This one's a fun one hope you like it. Please Review! Thanks to notamarshmallowanymore for your wonderful input and ideas.**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

Mark opened the door to a smiling Maureen who stood next to Joanne wearing patent leather black leggings and a white midriff bearing tank top through which her black bra could be seen.

"Hi Marky!" she said as she bounced in place. "Where's the guest of honor? I have to tell him off for his recent behavior." She didn't wait for an answer as she walked in, leaving Joanne standing in front of Mark, a bottle of wine in her hand.

"Hi Mark." The lawyer handed him the bottle. "How's it going?"

"Great!" He told her with a beaming smile on his face. "Come on in. Everyone is already here."

Joanne walked in and marveled at the balloons and streamers decorating the small apartment. Tess had really gone all out for Roger. "Come on pookie!" Maureen called from where she sat on the couch. "I saved you a seat."

"You mean you purloined it," Collins said from where he sat on the floor. "Kicked me right off the couch. You're lucky I'm a gentleman."

Maureen stuck her tongue out at the anarchist and patted the empty spot next to hers. Just then Tess came out of the bathroom, adjusting her shirt and walking over to Mark. Everyone smiled as Roger came out two seconds later and walked over to the group. "What?" he asked as he sat on the floor.

Tess came behind Mark and placed her arms around him. "Hi Joanne!" she waved at her friend "Thanks for coming."

Joanne looked at her then at Roger and laughed. "No problem, sweetie. Glad to come."

Tess moved away from Mark and gave Joanne a hug. Then turned back to the filmmaker and ruffled his hair. "Thanks for getting the door, Marky."

"Yeah, glad to give you a few more minutes to make out with Roger."

She smiled and looked down at her feet. When she looked back up and shook her hair out of her face he saw a large hickey on the side of her neck.

"Tess, this is your party. Stop making out with your boyfriend and tend to your guests!" He couldn't help laughing as he tried to reprimand her.

"You shouldn't talk. You can't keep your hands off Kevin. I'm surprised you were able to pull away and get the door."

He was about to defend himself when Roger appeared behind her, his arms instinctively wrapping around her waist. He pushed her hair away from her neck and planted a kiss there; then his mouth moved up to nibble on her ear. She giggled uncontrollably until Mark scratched his throat loudly.

"Hey guys," Collins called from his spot on the floor, "the party's over here!" The three friends walked over to the living room and joined Joanne, Maureen, Kevin and Collins.

The party had been Tess' idea. It was not in honor of Roger, it was a celebration of life. She was so happy to be with Roger again and to see Mark and Kevin in love- she thought their happiness needed to be commemorated. She sat on Roger's lap enjoying the feel of his hands as they massaged her shoulders. Everyone had a drink in hand, beer or vodka, except for her and Roger. They had decided to quit drinking, but didn't want to make a big deal out of their decision. They just wanted to stay away from bad habits. Smoking was next on the list.

"Oh babe, that feels incredible," she moaned. Roger smiled lasciviously as he waggled his eyebrows.

"Get a room!" Maureen yelled. "That goes for you too, Mark and Kevin. There's only so much PDA a girl can take."

Joanne leaned into her girlfriend's ear and whispered, "What's the matter, honey bear? Are you jealous?" Maureen laughed as Joanne planted small kisses on her neck.

"Well, that's my cue to leave. Looks like there's going to be an orgy in here soon, and as much as I love you guys, I don't want to get that close," Collins said as he stood up from the floor.

Tess rushed up and walked over to him. "You don't have to leave, Collins. We'll behave. We promise."

He laughed and bent down to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry, T, I was just teasing. I'm glad to see you all so happy with each other. It's what Angel would have wanted for you. She was always talking about how Mark would be so happy if he would only just come out of the closet."

"What!" Mark asked in disbelief. "She knew I was gay?"

Collins laughed again. "Of course she knew, boy. That girl knew things about us before we even knew them. I wish you could have met her T. You two would have gotten along just fine."

"I'm sorry I didn't. But Mark has shown me lots of his videos of her. She seemed to always be happy." Tess took his hand in hers as she spoke to him. She could see the sadness in his eyes.

"That was Angel, the heart of our group. Oh well, nothing lasts forever, that's why we have to make sure to enjoy every day to the fullest. Okay, enough preaching, I'm off. Have a good night boys and girls and remember…. use protection." He laughed all the way out the door.

Tess sat back down on Roger's lap, making sure to mouth the words 'I love you', and planting a big kiss on his mouth.

* * *

"I have a bone to pick with you." A few hours later Maureen stood in front of the refrigerator where Roger was rummaging through looking for something to drink. She waved her finger at him as she wobbled on her drunken feet.

Roger pulled his head out of the refrigerator and raised an eyebrow at her.

"How is it that you can behave like an absolute ass for weeks and still get a party thrown for you by your ever forgiving girlfriend?"

Tess noticed the way his shoulders tensed and walked over to the two friends. "This party isn't for Roger. It's a celebration of our happiness, everyone's – not just ours."

"I don't think you should rush back into his arms, Tess. Not after the way he's behaved."

"This really isn't your business is it, Mo?"

"She's my friend, Rog. I saw how miserable you made her. She didn't come out of her apartment for three weeks! Then you go and get into a fight with the asshole who made her life a living hell for years, instead of taking her home like she wanted. So yes, it is my business and I'm trying to make sure she doesn't get hurt again." Maureen's voice had gotten louder and now everyone in the living room was looking at what was happening in the kitchen.

Joanne had stood up, readying herself to calm her girlfriend down. Tess was sure Roger would explode. She took his hand in hers and squeezed letting him know she supported him.

"You're right. I was a complete fuck up. It was shitty of me to have left her like I did, and I've apologized to her." Both Tess and Maureen stared at him, completely dumbstruck by his response. "I'm glad you're such a good friend to her, Mo. Thanks for being there when I wasn't. I hope you don't hate me too much cause I'd miss your friendship."

"Who are you and what have you done with Roger?" Maureen couldn't believe her ears.

Roger shrugged. "I'm trying to turn a new leaf."

"No shit," Tess mumbled.

"Okay, Rog. Maybe I overreacted. I'm actually pretty drunk. I do think you were an asshole, but since you seem to know it and T's forgiven you for it, I'll let you be my friend. But don't fuck up again! Geez you'd think you would have learned your lesson by now." Happy to hear the threat was over; Joanne sat back down and continued conversing with her friends.

"Old habits are hard to break, you know that. I saw the way you were eyeing my girl earlier by the way. Paws off, Johnson!"

Maureen looked over to Joanne, hoping he hadn't gotten a rise out of her. When she saw that she was still seated calmly she slapped Roger's shoulder. "Shut up!"

He laughed and looking down at Tess said, "I told you to stop wearing those damn miniskirts!"

She batted her eyelashes at him. "Why? I thought you loved them." She turned and walked away, making sure to wiggle her ass so that her skirt sashayed back and forth.

"She's going to be the death of me. Mo!" he yelled at the drama queen when he caught her staring.

"What? It doesn't hurt to look."

Roger rolled his eyes and walked away.

* * *

Later on, after everyone had left, Roger sat on the couch with Tess on his lap, her legs resting on the cushions.

"That was fun wasn't it?" she asked.

"Yeah, it was nice having everyone together again." He had one arm wrapped around her waist while his other hand toyed with her hair.

"Roger?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for not blowing up at Maureen. I know she gets under your skin."

"She was right. I couldn't argue with her. I was an asshole to you and Mark. I was completely selfish and I deserve all the shit I get." He looked at her as he spoke and she could see the wrinkles in his eyes more clearly than before. He was tired, and he had been for a long time.

"Okay, yes, you were. You should have called or at least let Mark know you were okay, but you were going through some stuff and I get that."

"You're too good to me. You know that?"

She smiled when he kissed her. "I was pissed at you at first, for running. I was really angry when I saw you, but I was also scared. Not knowing where you were Rog, that was scary."

He kissed her again. "I'm sorry," he whispered and kissed her, tugging at her bottom lip with his teeth as he pulled away. "I'm never leaving." Again his lips met hers as he slid his hand under her shirt. "I'm here for good."

Tess put her hands around his neck and pulled him in to deepen their kiss. She allowed his hands to roam her back and unsnap her bra then helped him remove her shirt. "Roger, I want you."

He nodded and allowed her to stand up and pull him up, kissing him as they blindly walked toward the bed. Tess loved him. She knew she shouldn't. She knew there was no guarantee he'd keep his promise-he hadn't done so in the past. But she couldn't stop her heart from needing him. He loved her too. She could tell from the way he made love to her. He never once took his eyes off of hers, the intensity she saw in them almost made her come undone. He touched her with such reverence, tears falling from his eyes as he climaxed; there was no doubt in her mind that he loved her. She allowed him to explore every part of her body just as he had the last time they had made love but this time they held no secrets between them and that honesty perfected their union.

She lay next to him now, trying to catch her breath. He turned on his side and pushed the hair away from her face. "I love you."

She smiled. "I love you too."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

"Come on Mark, we're going to be late. Quit jerking off in there!" Roger yelled through the bathroom door.

"I am not- shut up, Roger!" Mark opened the door to the bathroom and glared at his roommate, his face a bright shade of red.

Roger smirked wickedly. "Got you out of there didn't I?"

Tess walked up to her boyfriend and smacked his arm. "Quit being an ass." She had a smile on her face as she said it, and if she hadn't been so happy Mark would have yelled at her for it.

Mark, Roger, she and Collins were all in the upstairs apartment getting ready for Open Mic night at a local bar. Roger had signed up to perform and had been a nervous wreck all day.

"Why don't you go on ahead? We'll meet you there," she told him as she toyed with the zipper on his leather jacket.

He pouted. "I don't want to go by myself."

"Aww, poor wittle Woger doesn't want to walk the streets of big bad New York all by himself," Mark teased.

Roger stared at him but before he could say anything Collins stepped between the two. "I'll go with you. I'm ready."

The look Roger gave Tess was easy for her to read. "I can't go right now, Rog. I'm not ready yet."

He wasn't happy she couldn't come with him, but agreed to go anyway. Taking hold of his hand as he was stepping out the door she kissed him and smiled. "You're going to do great tonight. You've been practicing for this all month. You're ready."

"Thanks, baby." He gave her a quick peck on the lips and left with Collins, who made a lewd comment about his inappropriate interest in Mark's extracurricular activities.

"You'd think he'd never played in public before." Tess turned her attention to Mark who was gelling his hair in front of the mirror.

"You know he hasn't played since Mimi got sick," Mark said turning to look at her.

"Yeah, I know it's just- he's so good. He doesn't need to be nervous, everyone will love his music."

"You know him. Angst is his middle name."

Tess rolled her eyes. "I know."

Roger had been back for a few months now and had pretty much moved in with her the night she'd found him on the steps. Living with him had shown her just how dramatic he could be. He would have had Maureen beat except he was more of a silent brooder whereas she tended to act out to get attention. But he could be sweet too, and that was something she hadn't seen much of from him in the past. She smiled remembering the way they'd spent last night together…

"_Roger, it's late. Come to bed already," she called as she walked out of the bathroom. _

"_Just a minute, babe, I just want to get this one song right."_

_She rolled her eyes and walked over to him. "Hey!" he said when she took his guitar away and placed it against the wall. Then stared when he saw what she was wearing._

_Tess smiled teasingly at him, one hand on her hip and the other playing with her freshly washed curls. "You like what you see? Is it better than your guitar?"_

_She'd carefully chosen white lace boy shorts and a midriff bearing matching camisole to get his attention off the damn guitar and back on her where it belonged. Not that she was jealous of his guitar, in fact, she was more than happy to see him playing it. She'd never seen him so dedicated to his music, and she found it sexy, but enough was enough. There was only so much dedication a girl could take, and a month was her limit. It was time for Roger to turn his attention back to her damn it! So she reveled in the look on his face and took a few steps back when he got up from the couch and began to stalk her._

"_Come here little girl, if you know what's good for you." He smiled wickedly as he motioned her forward with his finger._

"_What are you going to do to me if I don't?" She batted her eyes at him._

"_I don't think you want to find out."_

_Tess turned and ran toward the kitchen shrieking when he chased after her. She wasn't able to get far before he caught her by the waist and carried her kicking and screaming toward the bed. _

"_I told you not to run!" He laughed out and threw her down on the mattress. _

"_Please don't hurt me," she begged through her laughter. _

_Suddenly he was on her and the laughter ceased. "I love you," he whispered._

"_I love you too." She put her hand to his face, admiring his eyes. "I'm so proud of you."_

"_Proud. Why?" _

"_Because, you've been so dedicated to your music lately and I was scared before…that you'd given up."_

"_Tess, I told you I wanted to live, I told you I was all in."_

_She shook her head. "I know I just…"_

"_Didn't trust me."_

"_No, Rog, that's not it…"_

_He took one of her curls and toyed with it. "I know I haven't given you much reason to believe me."_

"_I love you." She had to make sure he understood that. "You seemed so depressed when I found you that night, I'm afraid that one day you'll open your eyes and see that maybe I'm not worth it after all. I'm scared that I won't be enough. And I guess that's why I'm happy that you've found your music again, just in case something happened between us... you'll have something else to keep you here."_

"_Baby, nothing will ever come between us. I'm here to stay, I promised you that, and this time I mean to keep my promise. I'm going to prove to you that you can trust me, that I love you." He stood up and walked over to the dresser, opening a drawer and taking something out. "This is for you. I was going to save it for our anniversary, but I can't wait that long. I want you to have it now."_

_She sat up and took the little box from him. Shaking it she asked, "What is it?"_

"_Open it and find out."_

_She unwrapped it and stared wide eyed into the box. "Roger, its beautiful…you shouldn't have..."_

"_You deserve it. Put it on."_

_She pulled out the gold band and put it on her finger._

"_It was my mom's. It was passed down from her great grandmother. She gave it to me before I moved here, she wanted me to give it to the girl I'd spend the rest of my life with."_

"_Oh, Roger."_

"_I'm giving it to you as a reminder that I will never leave. Not ever again. It's just you and me until the end."_

_She nodded her head, tears streaming down her face when she closed her eyes. Roger crawled back on the bed, hovering over her he kissed her. "You're my everything, Tess. I love you. Every day I thank God for bringing you to my door." He kissed her again. "I still don't understand how I got so lucky, and I sure am glad Mark was out that day." _

_She laughed then let out a moan and arched up when he began trailing small kisses down her neck._

"_So yeah, I would say you've got my guitar beat. I mean, there's no way my guitar would look this good in lace."_

_She slapped his shoulder and shrieked when he bit her playfully. "I love you, Roger." _

_He was too busy getting her out of her lace underwear to respond._

Tess stared off into space as she played the ring on her finger, a dreamy look on her face. Mark laughed at her expression then snapped his fingers in front of her to get her attention.

"Huh, what?" she asked.

"You're hopeless. Say hi to Kevin. He came in while you were off in Roger land."

"Oh, hi Kev, how are you?" Tess gave the brunette a kiss on the cheek as greeting. "I was not in Roger land," she informed Mark.

He gave her a look that made her give up her argument. He knew her too well. She'd been dazing off and rubbing the ring Roger had given her all day. Still, he was happy for her and proud of Roger for throwing himself so deeply into commitment.

"I'm good. Tired. Work sucked today." Kevin said.

"Director didn't like your idea?" Mark put the finishing touches in his hair and kissed his boyfriend hello.

Tess smiled. She'd never seen him so attentive to his looks before Kevin had come along. Tonight he was wearing the new jeans Maureen had dragged him out to buy and a light blue V-neck sweater.

"No, but at least I finally had the courage to approach him." Kevin looked pretty delectable himself. If he hadn't been gay, Tess might have had a HUGE crush on him. He had recently shaved his brown locks down so he didn't even need a brush anymore, and his hazel eyes were absolutely gorgeous with the olive green sweater he had on. Kevin worked out, and she was sure Mark appreciated his devotion to the gym as much as she did.

"That's great! I told you you could do it." Mark leaned into his boyfriend for another kiss. This time the couple displayed their affection for each other a little more than Tess was comfortable with.

"Okay!" She clapped her hands together to get their attention. "Are we ready to go?"

Kevin laughed knowingly. "Come on T, you and Roger are way worse."

She smiled. "I know, but we really do have to go. Roger's set starts in a half hour and I still have to stop in my apartment for something."

"Okay, all right. Let's go." Mark grabbed his jacket as they made their way out the door to her apartment.

The boys waited outside of her door as she went in and drank down two _advil_ with some water. She'd had a slight headache all day, probably from Roger's constant whining about his performance.

"What did you need?" Mark nudged her as they walked toward the bar.

"I forgot to bring some cash." She lied. She didn't need Mark stressing over her, especially when he was so happy and relaxed.

"I could have paid for you." Kevin looked at her from where he walked on the other side of Mark. "You're not that expensive a date, especially since you don't drink."

"Thanks Kev, but I don't mind."

They made it to the bar and took a seat where Collins, Joanne and Maureen sat waiting for them.

"That boy is a nervous wreck." Collins told Tess as soon as she sat down.

"He hasn't performed in a while." Tess felt the need to remind him even though she knew she was stating the obvious.

"He'll be fine. Roger's always had this weird kind of chemistry when he's on stage. He drives everyone crazy. Boys and girls both, everyone wants him when he's up there." Maureen patted her on the hand in an attempt to calm her down.

Tess felt a twinge of jealousy at her words. She wished she'd known him back when his band was still together. This would be her first night watching him perform in public and she felt like the odd one out.

"I'm going to get us some drinks. Tess, want to help me?" Kevin stood up from his chair, extending his hand to help her up.

"Sure." She took his hand, shrugging her shoulders as she followed him to the bar. "Just tonic water for me." She told the bar tender.

Kevin placed a hand on her shoulder making her turn to look at him. "Tess, I've wanted to thank you for a while now. I just never get you alone."

"Thank me for what?"

"For talking to Mark. He told me you had a lot to do with his decision to date me. He's always singing your praises. I have to tell you, in the short time I've known you, I've had to agree with him. You're a great friend."

"Thanks, Kevin. Mark's been pretty wonderful to me. I love him, he's like a brother." She was suddenly hit with a mini sneeze attack.

"Wow. That was five in a row! You got a cold?" he asked her.

"No," she shook her head, "maybe allergies. Let's bring these back to the table before Maureen comes to get them herself."

Kevin laughed. He knew Maureen before he'd started dating Mark, and he would never understand what he'd seen in her. The two had nothing in common. The lights dimmed just as they reached their seats. Tess grabbed Mark's hand in her excitement, he laughed as she bounced in her chair.

As soon as Roger came on stage holding his guitar, Tess was up on her feet screaming for her man. He looked so sexy in his black top and ripped jeans. He was the perfect rocker with his leather cuff and silver rings. She looked around her and understood exactly what Maureen had been telling her earlier, the women and men around her were all looking at him with lust filled eyes. He hadn't even started singing yet! She melted as soon as the first words left his mouth. She fell in love with him all over again; she was so full of pride. This was her man up on stage. He was brave and strong and he'd come so far. She whistled, clapped and jumped up and down for him. He stood there looking so cocky and confident that he oozed sex. She knew it was all an act, he was freaking out inside, but he pulled it off fantastically. She jumped him as soon as he came down from stage, wrapping her legs around his waist and attacking him with her mouth. She made him stumble backwards as he eagerly responded to her.

"You liked it?" he said laughing after their impromptu make out session.

"I loved it! You were great."

"Hey, Tess, mind if we congratulate the rock star?"

"Oh yeah, sorry." She gave Joanne and apologetic look and hopped back onto the floor making sure not to lose contact with her boyfriend by taking his hand.

The group took turns congratulating their friend then took their seats back at the table.

"What do you want to drink Roger? It's on me." Kevin asked.

"Just an ice water's fine." He watched Kevin leave then leaned forward toward Mark. "He can stop kissing up to us anytime now. He's in. We've approved."

"He's just being nice." Mark felt the need to defend his boyfriend. "He's not coming off too strong is he?"

"No, Mark he's not. Kevin's awesome. We all love him." Maureen jumped into the conversation from where she sat next to Joanne.

Everyone at the table nodded their heads in agreement.

* * *

"Hey T, you okay?" Mark looked at his friend worriedly when he saw her rubbing at her temples for the third time on their walk home.

"Yeah. Just tired. Trying to stay awake, you know?"

"You sure? Do you want me to carry you home?" Roger asked from where he was walking next to her.

"Yes." She looked up at him and pouted.

"Okay. Hop on." He stood in front of her and leant down so she could climb onto his back.

"Yay, piggy back ride! These shoes are killing me."

Roger laughed and Mark rolled his eyes. "You two are so juvenile."

"Says the man who was being spoon fed chocolate mousse not ten minutes ago." Collins pointed at Mark and laughed.

"That's different! Isn't it?" Mark looked at Kevin for confirmation but his boyfriend shook his head.

"Sorry hun, it's just as childish."

"One spoon! He only fed me one spoonful of it from his plate. It's not like he fed me the whole thing! Whatever." Mark decided to drop the subject and continued walking ahead.

Roger laughed and ran after him with Tess clutching on to his neck. "Come on, Marky. Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad." Suddenly Mark had an idea. Turning toward Roger he aimed his camera at them and said, "Close on Roger and Tess, very loving couple. Tess' shoes are hurting her feet so Roger offered to carry her home. Are you regretting your decision yet, Rog?"

"Are you calling me fat, Mark?" Tess tried to reach for his camera but Mark ran away. "Give me that thing!"

"Now, now, calm down folks. You're walking the streets of Alphabet City. You can't behave like children here."

"Shut up, Collins. You're just jealous because no one's riding you." Maureen piped in.

"And grumpy cause you couldn't party like you wanted to. It's not our fault you have to take a bus to the country tomorrow. No one told you to take a teaching job in Connecticut!" Roger told his friend jokingly.

Maureen smiled widely as she took advantage of Collins' distraction and jumped up on his back letting out a loud "Yee-haw" as she did.

"Honey bear!" Joanne was outraged.

"Come on, pookie, I'm just having some fun."

"You almost knocked Collins over!" Joanne looked to Mark and Kevin for some assistance.

"It's okay, Jo. I don't mind. Mo here's light as a feather!"

Maureen kicked Collins on the side of his leg and yelled, "Ride 'em cowboy!"

Joanne shrugged and joined Mark and Kevin, linking arms with them as they walked the rest of the way home.

Tess was glad to finally be in her apartment. It had been a great night but she was exhausted. Now she padded around the kitchen in her pajamas making herself a cup of tea while Roger lounged on the couch with his guitar. Once her tea was ready she settled down next to him and cuddled into his arm. He put his guitar to the side and threw his arm around her, kissing the top of her head. Neither of them said anything. She enjoyed the silence with him, it was calming and fulfilling. In the past she'd always needed there to be noise to keep her grounded, but somehow with Roger that wasn't the case anymore.

"You okay?" His voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Wha- yes. I'm fine."

"What's with the tea?" He sniffed at the cup and made a face.

"I just wanted to relax. It's chamomile." She had a bit of a sore throat too, but that was hardly worth mentioning. She stood up and yawned, stretching her arms up in the process. "Looks like it worked. I'm going to bed."

"Really? I'll go with you."

"You don't have to."

"I want to. Come on, let's go." He picked her up against her protests and carried her to the bed. "I love you," he told her as he lay her down. "Thanks for tonight."

She smiled up at him. "I didn't do anything. You did all the work."

"You were there. You pushed me to practice and you didn't let me quit. You're awesome."

She watched as he took off his jeans and t-shirt then came to bed only in his boxers. "Good night, Roger. I love you."

"Good night, babe. I love you too."


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks to everyone who's been following and reviewing on this story. Thanks to Notamarshmallowanymore for keeping an eye on Tess' character. Please review! **

* * *

**Chapter 19**

Roger let Mark and Kevin in the next morning while Tess was in the shower. She'd expected him to still be sleeping when she came out, so she was slightly shocked to be found walking out of the bathroom in a short bathrobe and blowing her nose.

"Good morning, beautiful," Roger said. He couldn't help laughing at the expression on her face.

"Shud up." She glared at him, not happy he'd let guests in at nine in the morning.

"Tess, do you have a cold?" Mark rushed over to her and inspected her face.

"I'm just a little stuffy." She tried to sound unaffected, but the sudden sneezing attack that came over her didn't help her case.

"We should take you to the clinic. They can help you."

She blew her nose and said, "It's just the sniffles, Mark."

"Have you been taking your AZT?"

"Yes! I've been taking my pills. It's just a little head cold. This will pass- stop acting like it's the end of the world." She knew she was overreacting, but he was on the verge of doing the same.

Mark widened his eyes at her reaction and Roger came to his rescue. "We're just worried about you, babe."

Tess turned her head away when he tried to kiss her. "I don't want you to catch it."

"Why not? Isn't it just a head cold?" Mark asked sarcastically.

"Shud up," she told him.

"Hey, come on guys, we're worrying too much about this. Let's just go on with what we were doing. T doesn't need to stress. That'll make her even sicker."

Tess smiled at Kevin. He was always the voice of reason. At least he had been since she'd met him.

"I'll go make some coffee. Why don't you guys go sit down and we'll watch some movies." Roger offered.

The four of them spent the rest of the morning watching movies. Tess was grateful Collins had rewired some things so that she could share the same movie channels as her neighbor. The TV kept her friends distracted and she was able to get some much needed rest.

* * *

A week later she was tossing and turning on Roger's bed, unable to fall asleep. He and Mark had made her spend the nights with them after she'd gone from having the "sniffles" to a full blown cold. They'd insisted she couldn't be alone while she was sick. Now she felt hot and clammy and longed for Roger's strong arms around her, but he was on the couch. She'd agreed to sleep in his room only if he kept his distance and slept separately. She couldn't risk him getting sick as well. Mark was a mess doting over her and asking her how she felt every five minutes. Some days it was enough to make her want to go back downstairs. She didn't want to be alone though, that would give her too much time to think. The thoughts that crept into her head these days were too depressing, so she kept busy by reading and letting Mark drive her crazy with his thermometer and soup.

Deciding she needed to cool down, she got out of bed and quietly made her way out into the living room. Making her way toward the window, she stopped to look at a sleeping Roger. She loved the way he looked in his sleep. His face was soft and free of worry lines; it was obvious that sleep was his only escape from all the hardship life had brought him. He was shirtless and delicious laying face up with one arm tucked under his head. It was moments like this that she knew she loved him like she never thought she could ever love anyone.

Tess looked up at the window and let out a big sigh. There was no way she could muster the strength to crack it open and step out onto the fire escape like she had planned, not the way she was feeling right now. She felt weak and her head was fuzzy. She had to place her hand on the arm of the couch when she turned toward the kitchen because she was overcome by dizziness. She tried to clear her vision so that she could make her way to the refrigerator. All she had to do was open the door so she could cool off, then she'd feel so much better and she'd be able to go back to bed. But her head was pounding and her body felt as though it was burning from the inside out. She had to place her other hand on the arm rest and lower her head between her arms before she lost consciousness.

"Tess?" Roger sat up and rubbed his eyes trying to make sense of the blur that stood before him.

"Roger, I don't feel so good."

"Oh, babe." He stood up and walked to her, putting his arms around her thin frame. "Tess, you're burning up!" He was panicked now which was exactly what she had wanted to avoid.

"It's okay. I just need to get inside the refrigerator so I can feel better." She told him this and took a step forward only to lean back into his arms. "Help me, Rog. I'm so tired all of a sudden." Closing her eyes she said, "Maybe if I take a little nap."

Roger tried pushing her back up. "You have to wake up now. Come on baby, open your eyes." She was so comfortable against his strong chest, she couldn't find the strength to get back up or open her eyes. She heard him calling out, "Mark! Wake up, Mark, its Tess. I need your help." It sounded muffled in her ears but she knew he was yelling. Lacking the will to stay conscious, she finally gave into the darkness.

When she came to, it was to a constant _beep, beep, beep._ Her hand was incased in someone else's and she felt coolness throughout her right arm. Reluctantly, she blinked her eyes open and tried to make sense of the blur that sat next to her. "Roger."

He smiled. "Hey, you're awake. How do you feel?"

Now she was confused. "Mark?"

He laughed. "No. You were right the first time. It's Roger. Should have known not to ask that, Mark's in charge of status checks."

She looked around her. She was on a hospital bed. The beeping noise made sense now that she could see the machine that sat next to Roger. She looked down at her arm to see an IV needle which accounted for the coolness she felt.

"Roger, no drugs," she told him, her face full of alarm.

"No. I told them no narcotics."

She nodded and squeezed his hand. "Thanks. What happened?"

"You had a fever. It was off the charts. You lost consciousness and we brought you here."

She didn't want to think about what that meant. She was hospitalized for having a cold, that couldn't be good. "Thank-you. For bringing me."

"You can thank Joanne. She brought you in her car. All of us. Me, Mark and Maureen. Collins isn't here. He's been in Connecticut- you know that. Mark called him, and he's on the first bus back."

It was bad, she knew, for all of them to come together this way. She felt her eyes fill up with tears. "Roger-"

"Sh." He put a finger over her mouth. "It'll be okay."

She pushed his hand away. "My t-cells?"

"They wouldn't tell us anything. We're not family."

She nodded. "Can you get my doctor?"

"Tess-"

"Roger, I need to know. It's better to know sooner rather than later."

Without a word he stood up and left. She didn't miss the tear that slid down his cheek.


	21. Chapter 21

**This is it folks. Last chapter. Thank-you so much for reading and reviewing and following and favorite-ing (is that a word? Oh well, you know what I mean.) Let me know how you feel. Review some more when you're done. It'll make my day and I'll be so happy! Don't be afraid to tell me you hated it (in a nice way, of course) or that you loved it! Thanks again and enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 21**

Her t-cells were low because at some point her cold had turned into Pneumonia. She put on a calm exterior, but inside she was freaking out. She couldn't afford a longer hospital stay even though Joanne had offered to pay, so she decided to go home. She just couldn't be indebted to her friend that way, besides if this was going to be the end she would rather spend it living her life than hiding away from germs in a hospital.

The drive home was a blur. She slept on Roger's lap the whole way there. He ran his hand through her hair mumbling kind words to try and soothe her as well as himself. Once inside the apartment, he tucked her into his bed and that's where she remained for the better part of a week.

She slept a lot because she was tired, but she couldn't sleep more than thirty to forty minutes at a time. She was weak and achy. Roger sat by her and kept her company. She couldn't stand the look on his face. It was killing him to see her like this, and she couldn't stand herself for being the one to put him through the fear and anxiety of losing someone again. Hadn't he suffered enough?

"You can take me back to the hospital," she told him one night. "You can move on. Don't worry about me. I've been on my own before."

He got angry at her then and yelled. "Are you crazy? There is no way I would ever abandon you." He took her hand in his, toying with her gold band as he said, "I'm staying right here by your side. You're going to be okay, Tess. I know it."

"Roger, you know what's coming. I can't make you go through that. It's selfish of me to stay."

"You're depressed. I know, I've been there myself, but you can't let this take you over. You can't just lie there."

She nodded but didn't speak to him again. He deserved better than her.

* * *

Roger spent every waking moment with her. It wasn't fair. He hadn't had a moment alone with her since the day they'd taken her to the hospital.

"Don't just sit there sulking. Tell him you deserve to have time with her. You're her best friend." Kevin's voice broke into his thoughts.

The two lovers lay in bed together snuggled up under the blankets. It was a chilly night. _Roger had better have all the spare blankets in the house wrapped around her._

"I wasn't thinking about that." He didn't want Kevin to think his head was somewhere else.

"Yes, you were. It's all you think about." Mark gave him an apologetic look. "I'm not mad. Mark, she's your best friend, you love her. You need to say something."

"I don't want to take away from their time together. Who knows-" He cut himself off. There was no way he could finish that sentence without breaking down.

Kevin took his hand. "Which is exactly why you have to speak up." He leaned in and kissed his partner. "She's special, Mark. I wish I had met her sooner. You need your chance to talk to her. To say-"

"Don't."

Kevin nodded; he understood Mark wasn't ready to face the finality of it all.

* * *

"Where's Mark?" Her voice was a hoarse whisper; he had to lean in to listen.

"Around." She'd lost weight, an incredible amount.

"I want to see him. Could you go get him please?"

Roger nodded. Mark had been avoiding him lately. Something was up his ass. Whenever they were in the same room together Mark only spoke to him in one word sentences, and only when Roger spoke to him first. He knew his friend was mad at him for hogging Tess. _Too fucking bad. _He wasn't going to apologize for wanting to spend as much time with her as he could.

Mark wasn't out in the living room or kitchen so he knocked on his bedroom door.

"What?"

Roger reigned in his temper. "Tess wants to see you." Mark opened the door and looked at him. His eyes were red and puffy. "You've been crying."

"Yeah well, I have good reason." He was angry, his voice was hard.

"She asked to see you. Don't be angry, Mark."

"My best friend is dying and you haven't allowed me any time with her. I have every right to be angry, Roger!"

"She's not dying. Not yet." Roger hung his head. "It should be me. God knows it's my time, I've been around long enough, but I just keep surviving." He looked back up and saw Mark's face full of fear. "Don't worry Marky, I'm not suicidal or anything." He smiled. "Go, talk to her. Get her out of this funk."

Mark nodded and walked toward her room.

He opened the door to dimness. There was a sliver of light shining in through the window next to the bed. She lay under several blankets, her thin arms over them. Her thick curls overpowered her face. "Hey, beautiful."

"Mark!" She smiled widely at him. "I missed you! Come sit down."

He sat on the chair next to the bed, placing his hand by hers but too afraid to touch it for fear it might be cold, cold hands always meant the end was near.

"How are you? How's Kevin?"

This was ridiculous. She was the sick one, the one who'd been through the ordeal, who was being forced to face her mortality, and here she was acting as if this was a casual visit. He swallowed the lump in his throat. Roger had said she was okay- for now, so he decided to play along.

"Good. He's good. We're good."

"I'm glad you found him."

"Me too."

"You need someone to take care of you." She put her hand over his. He let out a sigh of relief when he felt that it was still warm.

"I have you for that." Where would he be if she hadn't come into his life? Probably taking care of everyone else and forgetting about himself.

"I need you to promise me something. Mark, please?"

He shook his head. He was not going to make her any promises because she was NOT dying.

Ignoring him, she continued speaking. "Don't forget about Kevin while you're taking care of Roger." He opened his mouth to argue but she went on. "Roger's going to need you, but he's stronger than you think. Don't forget about yourself by putting all of your energy into fixing him."

All Mark could do was nod. He couldn't hold his tears back any longer and he knew if he opened his mouth he'd turn into a blubbering fool. She squeezed his hand.

"Thank-you for rescuing me, and for giving me your friendship. For giving me Roger, too. I love you, Mark."

Her words undid him. He stood up and hugged her tightly, sobbing like a child. "I love you too, Tess. You're the one who saved me."

* * *

Roger's head shot up, his eyes wide with surprise when he saw Tess emerge from his room, hand in hand with Mark.

"Tess, baby, you feeling better?" He tried to sound nonchalant, like it was no big deal that she'd finally come out of her room. He didn't want to scare her away with grand gestures.

She nodded. "Mark insisted I join you guys for a movie."

"Good. Come cuddle up with me." Roger patted the space next to him on the couch, whispering 'thank-you' to Mark when she wasn't looking.

Mark smiled back at his friend, his anger dissipating when he saw the relief on his face. It was as if a load had been physically lifted off his shoulders.

"Why don't you and Kevin join us?" Tess asked.

Mark looked at Roger who nodded his consent. "Yeah, okay. Let me go get him."

"What's going on with you two?" she asked as soon as Mark closed his bedroom door.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You could cut the tension with a knife, Rog."

"He's mad because he thinks I'm hogging you. He wants to spend time with you too."

She looked at him. "I'd be mad at you too. I don't have much time left. I want to spend as much of it as I can with all of you. I shouldn't have hidden in the bedroom. It's just…hard. It's hard."

Roger kissed her head. "I know, baby. I just want you here with me. I don't want you to leave before you have to. Be here with me and with Mark and Kevin and all of us. Celebrate what you have left, okay." He had tears in his eyes, but he made sure to smile through them.

They spent the rest of the day watching movies and making jokes. Collins, Joanne and Maureen showed up to join them. They all hung out in the living room making jokes and laughing as if nothing were amiss. Her mood seemed to brighten and he made sure to thank Mark for that.

* * *

Some weeks later, she lay with Roger on the bed looking up at him from where she lay on his lap. She'd given up arguing with him about his keeping a safe distance. He said he didn't give a fuck about getting sick and she really needed to be in his arms. `

"Does this hurt?" He ran his hand through her hair, worried that he might cause her pain. Her health had deteriorated since she'd come home from the hospital and her body was extremely sensitive now.

"No. I like it."

She was thinner than she'd been when she had first come to his door. "I love you." He whispered the words to her.

"I love you too."

He shook his head. She didn't understand. "I loved you long before I told you. I've loved you since the day you called me out on my bullshit. You remember? Out on the fire escape, the day of the party? Then I fell even harder when you came banging on my door and broke up with me because I wouldn't go into your apartment."

She started to cry. "Roger-"

"Sh, let me say this. I loved you the day you told me about Mimi's things being in the basement. I was pissed at you, but I still loved you. I loved you, and I was afraid to admit it." He let out a sarcastic laugh. "Mark was right."

"I love Mark." She made a weak attempt at a smile.

"He knows me better than I know myself. I hate that."

She started laughing but ended up going into a coughing fit.

"Shh. It's okay, breathe through it."

When she calmed down she said, "I love you, Roger."

"I don't know why."

She ignored him. "Be strong for me. Promise me that."

He started to cry. "Tess, don't. It's not fair. It should be me."

She placed the palm of her hand on his cheek. "Roger, it's my time. I'm okay with this. I've lived longer than I should have. After all those years on the street, it's a miracle I'm still alive. Be strong for me. Take care of Mark, don't let him forget about himself." He nodded, his tears making his vision blurry. "I love you. Thank-you so much for letting me in, Roger."

He bent down and kissed her softly until her felt her go limp in his arms. There was no other way to explain it, she was there one second, and then she was gone. He held her in his arms, and all he could do was cry. "I love you, Tess. Thanks so much for coming into my life."

* * *

Collins had forced Mark out of the house for lunch. "You can't lock yourself in there, Mark. You need to get some fresh air. Trust me, I know."

That last sentence had made Mark comply. This couldn't have been easy for Collins. He was reliving Angel's death.

"I told you, all you needed was an hour out. You feel better now don't you?" Collins said as he followed Mark into the apartment.

"Shh." Mark could hear someone crying. "Is that Roger? Oh my God, is she?"

Collins and Mark both walked into Roger's bedroom. Roger sat rocking Tess back and forth on his lap. "Don't go. Stay with me, please. I love you." His words were whispered through silent tears, there were no loud sobs, no desperation.

Mark walked over to him, and placed a hand on his back. "Roger, she's gone. It was her time."

He looked up at his best friend, then to Collins. "Will you- I want to stay here with her."

"Of course." Collins walked out of the room and made the calls that needed to be made. Then the three of them sat with her and waited.

* * *

It was a small funeral, just the six of them; Roger, Mark, Kevin, Collins, Maureen and Joanne. Kevin held Mark's hand through the entire service, he was his rock. Mark watched in awe as Roger kept it together through his eulogy, he was keeping his promise to her. Afterwards, they all had dinner in her honor. She would have been both proud and embarrassed at the toasts made in her name. Later that night he gave Roger his news.

"I've asked Kevin to move in." He wasn't asking permission. It was his apartment as much as Roger's, and he needed to keep his promise to Tess. He was going to take care of himself and that meant moving forward with Kevin.

"That's good. I'm glad for you two." Roger looked tired and worn out, but her stayed strong.

"Thank-you."

That was it. He didn't put up a fight or argue about sharing the living space. Kevin moved in, and life moved on. They mourned but went on with their lives. Mark was in awe of Roger. His roommate never once broke down. He cried at night sometimes but he still went out, he composed music, started a band, he moved forward. This new Roger was so different from the one who had lost April and Mimi. It didn't mean he loved Tess any less, it meant she had changed him in a way no one else had been able to.

Mark talked to Tess sometimes. He thanked her for changing he and Roger's lives for the better. He'd forever be grateful for the little wild haired girl who'd walked into their apartment and imprinted herself inside their hearts in a way they'd never forget.


End file.
